Struggling with Depression in the Face of Current Events

I've mentally been a mess since it was overthrown. My minds constantly racing. I'm dissociating for hrs at a time if nobody is with me to help me ground myself. It triggered another gastroparesis flare and I had only 3 months between the last flare and now. I have no focus so just been watching reruns to feel the comfort I get from watching my favorite shows. I'm really having a hard time expressing myself and my usual way is through writing poetry but I have nothing coming out of my mind cuz it's constantly just racing what if thoughts. I use marijuana for nausea relief for my Gastroparesis and for pain in my lumbar spine. With the gp, I never know how much or how quickly I will feel the relief. I ate an edible on Monday afternoon cuz raining causes my back pain to hurt more. I didn't feel the marijuana until Tuesday morning and then pretty much was out of it til I fell asleep last night and I was still trying to put my feelings into actual thoughts even though I was out of it but I somehow managed to ramble text my sister and BFF with enough for my sister to be able to figure a few of my most repetitive rambles. I have been feeling like SCOTUS betrayed women by taking our rights away. Still trying to figure out the other big amount of rambling but it's something about people abandoning me for all of the variety of reasons I have right now. I have dealt with my own suicidal times as well as lots of my close friends and I lost my favorite cousin who was like my twin everything, my friend with did and another friend I had been friends since I think 2004 to suicide. I've been working really hard on my mental health and covid shutdown helped me a lot. I can't cause that kind of crippling sadness and loss after going through it 3 times since 2010. Just breathe and remember that there's a lot of people who understand how that feels and who will listen or distract you from the dark thoughts.

That's is not an uncommon feeling right now my friend, it's important to know that you are not alone in this. Many people feel so upset and drained as well. It is important to remember that. You do matter and your life is worth it, and I'm sure there are people in your life that you care about. If you can't continue on and fight for you, fight and continue on for them and their future. It's hard to see any bright light in this dark time, but I know that it will take a fight for us to get through it and I am inspired by the fact that I don't want to leave the world like this, I want to stay and fight to make it better, because it can be. Just know there are people out there to talk to about this and resources to lean on. You're not alone, and suicide is never the option