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BlueSucculent

886d

I am heavily dissociative, and as such I have a habit of repressing taumatic memories. Bc of this, I don't know the extent to which the abuse went. I get very depressed at the thought of never being able to know how bad at was bc of the patchwork memories, and not being able to ask without destroying family dynamics - anyone have advice?

Top reply
    • Imcleannow

      884d

      Hi there. I have dissociative amnesia and ptsd. Sometimes it feels like theres a huge cloud of bad things that happened but i cant see it, just the effects. Some therapists will say that uncovering these memories can often retraumatise you. I dont know if thats always true, but ive taken that to mean that it might be better if we deal with the symptoms without digging up traumatic memories. Its helped me to let go of the desire to know something deeply that might not help me to know.

    • Briannaoohnana

      884d

      EMDR has done wonders for me. I did a lot of research before deciding to find an EMDR therapist tho, so definitely read up to see if it’s right for you. My therapist does “parts” sessions and things come out that I didn’t think I remembered. We started with some of my “softer” traumas (I don’t know how else to describe it?) and are working our way into the more Intense stuff, and anytime I feel like I can’t deal with it, I just tell her I can’t go there today. I even told her there’s something I just can’t reprocess yet. It’s okay to do a little at a time and go at your own pace.

    • Imcleannow

      884d

      Hi there. I have dissociative amnesia and ptsd. Sometimes it feels like theres a huge cloud of bad things that happened but i cant see it, just the effects. Some therapists will say that uncovering these memories can often retraumatise you. I dont know if thats always true, but ive taken that to mean that it might be better if we deal with the symptoms without digging up traumatic memories. Its helped me to let go of the desire to know something deeply that might not help me to know.

    • kendra

      886d

      im also very dissociative. i’ve found that through therapy, addressing what happened head on & talking through it (whenever you feel ready) instead of suppressing the memories was more effective. i went through a lot of emotions but consistently working through it with the help of a professional is much more effective than trying to ignore it. also, if there’s anyone involved in the memories that you can safely talk to about what happened (for closure or understanding) that can be very helpful. i never understood how bad my situation messed me up when i was younger but talking through it has really helped me have a better understanding of it & less anger towards it. i also called up my perpetrator about 6 years after what happened & talked through it & expressed my anger which didn’t solve everuthing, but it did help me find some closure combined with cbt & ptsd therapy

    • shrimps

      886d

      I'm never going to know how bad my abuse was because of the same reasons, mainly dissociation, but the fact that I can't remember it indicates that it was so bad I had to block it out to protect myself. I've brought this up to people before and they've pointed out that not remembering is protecting me and remembering what happened would make my mental health worse and bring up fresh trauma to process. Every time I have recovered a memory, it's restarted my healing all over again. It can be hard to accept not knowing what happened to you, but there's a lapse in your memory for a reason. Dissociating is a measure your brain takes to protect you from harm. Sometimes I get depressed because I will never know what actually happened to me, but I know that knowing would set me back years.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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