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Usurpedorchid

513d

Looking for advice other than divorce. I'm pretty sure my partner has BPD II. They get into this unnatural rage where anything will set them off. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and it doesn't help that I have my own mental battles. I'm feeling so extremely low right now and just feel like the worst partner in the world. I'm obviously not helping and I feel so worthless. What am I supposed to do?

Top reply
    • Skylarkbard

      513d

      Therapy, meds, and a willingness to change are ultimately what will help your partner. You're not terrible, it's just that you're their partner, not a psychiatrist.

    • Usurpedorchid

      508d

      Thank you so much! That really warmed my heart! It has been an incredibly long journey. We have been married for about 6 years and this has been a constant fight of them going to get help! I'm actually happy to inform that they finally saw a doctor a few days ago and were officially diagnosed with bipolar depression 2. So they are currently on a mood stabilizer! ( They finally caved due to a huge manic episode that really made them self reflect.) So bittersweet but I think it had to happen. Congratulations on Cali sobriety! I wish you the best of luck and send all my best wishes and good vibes. Also, do you have any tips or useful things you think I should know so I can better understand my partner? Like things you wish people would do or know to help you?

    • Ladythor

      509d

      I'm late to this party but I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 (firm family history, as I recently learned)- mood vs personality disorders.... I really can't extrapolate on other than I've had two amazing women with BPD in my life who were in therapy, felt it helped them, and I really can't gush about them enough. I had been operating for the last 5 years thinking that I had MDD and GAD. I recently got sober after a year long spiral basically, but I was exceedingly more manic when not in therapy and while abusing alcohol. "self medicating" but really self harming, which in turn evolved into harming those close to me in a binge. I can't stress enough how much any sort of mind altering substance (outside of indica; in a medical/recreational state) has affected my bipolar mind. I feel like I lose that "I am"/true identity, and become more of just an emotional status - " I am sad. I am pissed. I need validation", etc. I'm approaching 3 months "Cali sober" (and in moderation for chronic pain, not as an escape) and I've never felt better. Honestly, no one helped me except my 2 closest friends who realized something was wrong on an evening I really spiraled out. I basically had to lose my connection with my current social circle because it was just "that b**** can't handle her alcohol" and they faded away. That's fine because I've never been so stable and confident in what I can do now that I'm on the other side! From my experience with my BPD ladies that were open enough to share their experiences with me, none of them felt improvement til they got therapy, they both specifically told me DBT based, but I'm no where near an expert. As for your situation, I will say the fact that you're reaching out for advice shows that you care and want to make it work. Do they feel the same? I feel like thats the crux of the situation. If you can't even have that discussion because of the eggshell feeling you're having, would they be open to therapy at all! Couples or solo? I can't speak to your specific situation obviously, but please take care of yourself. Please try to broach your concerns with your partner especially since you said divorce. Give them the chance to take a self inventory and reflect on how they want to proceed. You have the opportunity to help someone you love, they have the opportunity to improve or not. Best wishes in your journey and I think it's awesome you asked for advice! 🤗 -LadyThor

    • FlutterbyButterfly

      510d

      Is your partner male or female? If they are female it could be hormone related. I have PMDD and I get very angry and irritable from the time of ovulation until around the middle of my period. I find my anger also heightens the day before my period is due.

    • Eren2273

      511d

      I've never heard of a BPD 2. Only bipolar 2. If they're treating you badly, you should leave or at least take a break. Their mental health is not your responsibility, and mental health is never an excuse to treat someone badly and make them feel this way. You could suggest they get therapy, but if they're unwilling, that's only more reason to leave. You cannot help someone that isn't willing to help themselves

    • poodlelover28

      511d

      I'm not sure whether you're referring to bpd or bipolar 2 but I have both. For bpd, medications can't help fix it but they can lessen some of the extremes of it. Dbt therapy is the best treatment for bpd. If you're talking about bipolar 2 which is what I have, a mood stabilizer is essential for recovery. I still sometimes get a little mania or depression but it's not nearly as extreme as it was. Therapy can also really help. You just have to have a willing partner who wants to help themselves because honestly they're the only person who can make that change if that makes sense. Like you won't be able to force them and it would be very hard to convince. It wasn't until I fully admitted I have a problem and need help that I was receptive to change.

    • Laellaxe

      511d

      What do you mean by "BPD II?" "BPD" usually refers to Borderline Personality Disorder, which doesn't have 1 or 2, or do you mean Bipolar II?

      • Usurpedorchid

        509d

        @Laellaxe Yes, my apologies!

    • LCSWmark

      511d

      Irritability can be found in depression (me), bipolar. Borderline personality among others. I hope its not the latter as thats personality not necessarily mood

    • FairyPrincesss

      513d

      Also, you are not worthless. You care and are seeking advice. That is a huge thing, some people would just divorce and be done with it. You are putting forth effort to save your relationship. That is a very important thing. Gl!!

      • Usurpedorchid

        513d

        @FairyPrincesss Thank you for the kind words, I definitely needed it today. ❤️

    • FairyPrincesss

      513d

      Will your partner medicate for this? At the end of my last long term relationship my partner was suffering untreated PTSD and was the same way. He refused to seek help and it ultimately lead to us not being together. I'm not suggesting breaking up! I'm definitely a fix it If you can kinda person. He would bitch at me about everything. Any little thing set him off and absolutely everything was my fault. Stupid things like me using the cup holder in our vehicle would set him off. It could be raining and it was my fault. Between that, me being deathly ill, covid and etc it was too much. He has since medicated, and we even got back together for a short time, and there was a huge difference in him. Would your partner consider alternative options possibly? I used CBD for a while when I had massive RAGE issues and it helped sooo much.

      • Usurpedorchid

        513d

        @FairyPrincesss Yes, this is pretty much what I'm dealing with too. It doesn't help that they have a very toxic outlook on themselves as well. I'm trying to talk them into seeing a doctor for some medication or therapy, but it's been a very slow and hard process. They think that getting on a medication for their mental health means they are pathetic.

        • FairyPrincesss

          513d

          @Usurpedorchid my ex had the same reaction at first. He is a firefighter and emt and it used to be very frowned upon to admit you need help in that field. He flat out said no at first and told me to deal with it. Eventually it got to a point where he saw how badly it was messing with his life and he agreed to get help

    • Skylarkbard

      513d

      Therapy, meds, and a willingness to change are ultimately what will help your partner. You're not terrible, it's just that you're their partner, not a psychiatrist.

      • Usurpedorchid

        513d

        @Skylarkbard Im a little shocked because I honestly didn't see it that way. I guess I have been trying to play both roles for them. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this subject as a partner? I know they are hesitant about meds and talking to someone.

        • LCSWmark

          513d

          @Usurpedorchid hesitant...or unwilling

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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