I'm late to this party but I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 (firm family history, as I recently learned)- mood vs personality disorders.... I really can't extrapolate on other than I've had two amazing women with BPD in my life who were in therapy, felt it helped them, and I really can't gush about them enough.
I had been operating for the last 5 years thinking that I had MDD and GAD. I recently got sober after a year long spiral basically, but I was exceedingly more manic when not in therapy and while abusing alcohol. "self medicating" but really self harming, which in turn evolved into harming those close to me in a binge.
I can't stress enough how much any sort of mind altering substance (outside of indica; in a medical/recreational state) has affected my bipolar mind. I feel like I lose that "I am"/true identity, and become more of just an emotional status - " I am sad. I am pissed. I need validation", etc.
I'm approaching 3 months "Cali sober" (and in moderation for chronic pain, not as an escape) and I've never felt better. Honestly, no one helped me except my 2 closest friends who realized something was wrong on an evening I really spiraled out. I basically had to lose my connection with my current social circle because it was just "that b**** can't handle her alcohol" and they faded away. That's fine because I've never been so stable and confident in what I can do now that I'm on the other side!
From my experience with my BPD ladies that were open enough to share their experiences with me, none of them felt improvement til they got therapy, they both specifically told me DBT based, but I'm no where near an expert.
As for your situation, I will say the fact that you're reaching out for advice shows that you care and want to make it work. Do they feel the same? I feel like thats the crux of the situation. If you can't even have that discussion because of the eggshell feeling you're having, would they be open to therapy at all! Couples or solo?
I can't speak to your specific situation obviously, but please take care of yourself. Please try to broach your concerns with your partner especially since you said divorce. Give them the chance to take a self inventory and reflect on how they want to proceed. You have the opportunity to help someone you love, they have the opportunity to improve or not. Best wishes in your journey and I think it's awesome you asked for advice! 🤗
-LadyThor