SongSparrow

312d

cw: SA
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I have been doing better with PTSD symptoms, but the other day, I had awful intrusive thoughts about my assaults right before I was going to have s*x, and I feel like a failure because I backed out. My partner is proud of me for sharing my feelings and always respects my body, but I feel like I let them down. I know that's busted thinking, but I am really sad and embarrassed.

It's like, if I start thinking about s*x, my brain tries to sabotage me. "Oh remember this? Is that triggering? No? Well what about this? I got a million little visceral memories I can throw at you, and now that you're thinking about it, you can't stop oops lol." I get so mad at my brain. Anyone else?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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  • Saillea

    312d

    😥 Hug. I can only speak from my experience but after the assaults I endured I became agoraphobic and, with hypnosis and therapy, I came to realize that every moment I spent thinking of him and what he did was really just allowing my abuse to continue and it's more than likely that I never cross his mind. In essence I'd become my own jailer. I also learned mental tricks and exercises to stop those thoughts and, with time and a LOT of practice, I can now go months without even the most fleeting thoughts of him. Talk to a good therapist and don't be afraid of changing therapists several times until you find one you really jell with. Keep talking to your partner. Keep doing the work because it really can get better. You can message me if you need a sympathetic ear. Huge hugs!!!

    • Heaven197987

      312d

      exactly this, be able to process things can help, having a supportive partner also great.

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