Dealing with Imposter Syndrome as a Mid-Range POTS Patient

Yes… half the time I pretend like I’m fine so I can push thru so I feel like I’m doing enough and then I pay for it and realize I cannot “fake” functioning like a healthy person for long. It’s so frustrating. I don’t have much of a social life because my energy goes into taking care of myself and attempting to work and even that is rough. When I’m bad I don’t go out and I isolate so most people don’t see my struggle unless I pushed it and can’t mask it. So they think I just don’t want to be around them until they see me really rough. But really they don’t think it’s bad until they see me like that which I hate and I explain most of my days are like that and I usually only go out on good days unless I have an obligation. It’s hard for others to comprehend and myself to be able to do something that takes a lot one day and then next nearly pass out when getting out of bed. It’s like whiplash. What helps me deal with the imposter syndrome is stop hiding when it’s bad, set better boundaries so I don’t end up paying for it, and really take into account how much energy things will take and if it’s worth it and some days are better than others and I can only control it so much. Balance of that is really hard though. But when I’m not in a flare I completely forget and imposter syndrome gets worse so I try to ignore all my symptoms because I feel and “look” more functional and just happy to feel ok and get blindsided when symptoms come back full force. It’s so confusing and going to doctors are frustrating because I feel crazy like it was so bad before but now nothing is showing up so there must be nothing that wrong with me. When that happens I have to tell myself to remember I have flares and those are horrible and I’m not making it up. I feel like half the time I’m not bad enough to help but I also don’t want to make it worse to get help because I’m the one stuck with managing it. When I don’t manage it I end up in the hospital and I know that now. I think I have a tendency to gaslight my own symptoms because of that which is really not helpful and I’m working on and trying to accept this is how my body works and focus more on what I know I need to do to manage before it gets bad and remember it’s not always this bad or when it’s good if I don’t keep up with maintenance it’ll get worse real quick. Constantly changing… crazy-making. You aren’t alone.

^^ I feel the same as both of you. I’m 28 and used to have an awesome career and a great fun social life and my own home that I owned since I was 20. In the past year I’ve sold my home to buy one with my dad (split costs and so he can be there to help me), and I’m now stressed every day over work because my choices are push my body and hate everything… or stay home and risk getting fired before I find a fully remote position. I don’t have a social life because my good days are mainly drained from doctors apts and work - so I just stay in bed all day and night hoping my body will cooperate. On the rare days I get to spend good days with friends - people will see me out (and not see my disabilities or symptoms) and then get upset when I turn them down because of my body. To their credit, they try their best not to show it.. and they aren’t mad upset, just sad they still don’t get a chance to hang out too. I know it probably seems like I have more interest in other friendships and that probably hurts. But I have no idea how to explain it any better or make my body stop malfunctioning. I hate others feel this way too - but it’s comforting to know it’s not just me. Thank you for sharing - and you’re not alone! 🖤