Actually this sounds a lot like me! When I was younger, I only had stress related symptoms, but now I deal with it almost every day. If you really feel like you can't give up coffee, I would try eliminating some other common ibs triggers (ie. Gluten or lactose) or other high fodmap foods you feel like you can let go of. Hopefully then you would see a little improvement!

Could you switch to decaf coffee? If it's the taste you're after, that should satisfy it. Caffeine in any form is a common IBS trigger. And yes, stress and anxiety are known to exasperate symptoms of IBS. Mine also started as only when I was anxious and evolved into the full syndrome in time. To ease my symptoms, I went gluten free and vegan. I still have a single cup of coffee most days. For some reason, brewed coffee tends to irritate my GERD but instant expresso doesn't (maybe since lower caffeine content?) Now I rarely ever have a flare unless I ate something I shouldn't have