Dealing with Herpes Diagnosis: Seeking Tips for Relief

I just got diagnosed with Herpes and I’m not sure which one it is. I’m in my initial outbreak and my partner is in his initial outbreak too. I’m so confused as to how this could have happened. In my brain I know it’s nobody’s fault, because they don’t test for it in the full panel blood test. I’m in so much pain that when I pee I’m shaking and nauseous. Only this morning I discovered pouring warm water over down there while peeing to help with the pain. I feel like he’s trying to blame me. My ex of two years never got tested because he never had symptoms and refused when I brought it up. I just don’t know. Maybe my ex had a cold sore when he went down and it’s been dormant in my system until now? I’m so guilty and humiliated. I can hardly walk and I’m terrified it’s my fault. What if I wasn’t careful enough? I told my mom (because I’m very close to her) and she said it could’ve gone all the way back to my first toxic boyfriend. I’m just lost. If anyone has any tips beside ice packs and warm water when peeing (I’m AFAB) to deal with the blistering, peeling, and seeping sores, I would be forever grateful. I can’t sleep well at all because it’s so itchy/painful.