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Esri

695d

I'm kinda upset with my Anxiety and depression diagnosises. I've already delt with and handled them all on my own. I don't struggle with them the only one that pops up every now and again is anxiety giving me thoughts but I find it helpful at times. Like, "don't walk next to that object cause what if this bad thing happens," and I'm all like "ah shoot fam you right." Then I'll find a safer path. my depression started getting better after I changed schools and you can even tell it in my grades. Although because I had to fill out two pieces of paper and they both came out that I have the condition that the test was for I wasn't listened too. I told them that I had already handled my depression and they were all like, "Oh but you have depression." Like chief, what?

Top reply
    • 4byfour

      695d

      I completely understand this. I’m still learning about emotions at 20!!!! I didn’t even know what it meant to like or dislike something til 19. I always thought it was a ‘thinking’ thing, not a feeling thing. I can’t even tell you how blind I was to things everybody knows…all cuz I was treating ‘normalcy’ like a rubric, and literally no one caught on! Looking back, depression caused me to have about 2.5 emotions my whole life. I’m discovering a ton more now. I have my depression pretty well organized into my life too. People are under the impression that those with depression can’t feel comfortable with it. I mean, I love the way my kinda delusional anxiety gives me comfort. If I make sure this or that route will ‘prevent something bad’, somehow it feels like I have control over bad things. Who wouldn’t want to have control over bad things? I will say, a lot of my anxiety does cause me problems, but the emotional denial kept me away from even sensing the anxiety. It bothers me a lot more, now, which helps a lot in helping me make progress. The more I handle my anxiety, the more the depression seems to be less and less often. I was 95% depressed/neutral/empty all the time. I’d say that’s at a 60% now, where 40% of the time I think like and understand the neurotypical person.

    • sprite

      694d

      the thing is, even if you have your depression and anxiety under control, you still have them. i know being diagnosed can be hard to deal with. but there's a reason these tests are flagging you for the disorders. are you still having other symptoms that aren't as obvious as direct sadness and anxiety?

      • Esri

        694d

        @sprite I'm tired all the time but according to my blood tests there are two things high in my blood that cause fatigue and I have intrusive thoughts every now and again.

    • Esri

      694d

      I understand where you're coming from. My neurologist was saying that my not being able to understand my emotions is because of the FND but like chief growing up with depression means you don't get to experience the emotions you're supposed to and your parents yelling at you when you get emotional doesn't help with the ability to feel them. I'm a very logical person I live and have lived my entire life in my mind and to tell me that this new thing that developed is the cause of something I've had almost my whole life just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not a neurologist and I don't want to upset her but I read her notes and also she focused more on my history of depression than what I was there for, tics.

    • Esri

      694d

      that's just the thing though I don't have crying spells and I don't feel overwhelmed. It's just an intrusive thought here and there. I have my comfort devices, I made friends, I hang out with them when we can, I have a crush and everything. The only thing parents wise that I have problems with is my mom who is almost constantly yelling or seems annoyed at everything. I love my dad, sure I have had moments where I didn't like him but that's cause he did dad things, "do the chores that I ask you to," and, "get off your laptop and do something." Normal dad stuff. I watch shows with him, ask him questions and what not. But he doesn't think mental health is a thing and my mom just doesn't want to hear about it. Heck even my sister's turned me away because "it's not something they're going through." I'm leaving that house and my older sister, who isn't one of the ones mentioned, is letting me move in with her. My mental health has pretty much been solved already and I'm fine-ish. The ish is for the fact I can't stop feeling like a faker because of my tics and then I feel attention seeking because I keep thinking it might be tourettes since FND doesn't fit. I left FND out of my diagnosises because I'm going to bring it up to my neurologist. I know she's probably going to be mad because I haven't gone and seen a psychologist there are just none in my area. And I went to see the physical therapist and she said she couldn't help me because I wasn't displaying the typical symptoms they see in FND patients. I hate being in this grey area of diagnosises.

    • 4byfour

      695d

      I completely understand this. I’m still learning about emotions at 20!!!! I didn’t even know what it meant to like or dislike something til 19. I always thought it was a ‘thinking’ thing, not a feeling thing. I can’t even tell you how blind I was to things everybody knows…all cuz I was treating ‘normalcy’ like a rubric, and literally no one caught on! Looking back, depression caused me to have about 2.5 emotions my whole life. I’m discovering a ton more now. I have my depression pretty well organized into my life too. People are under the impression that those with depression can’t feel comfortable with it. I mean, I love the way my kinda delusional anxiety gives me comfort. If I make sure this or that route will ‘prevent something bad’, somehow it feels like I have control over bad things. Who wouldn’t want to have control over bad things? I will say, a lot of my anxiety does cause me problems, but the emotional denial kept me away from even sensing the anxiety. It bothers me a lot more, now, which helps a lot in helping me make progress. The more I handle my anxiety, the more the depression seems to be less and less often. I was 95% depressed/neutral/empty all the time. I’d say that’s at a 60% now, where 40% of the time I think like and understand the neurotypical person.

      • 4byfour

        695d

        @4byfour Not that it really makes too too much of a difference, but it makes a HUGE difference subconsciously, and I can’t even describe how much that changed me.

    • Hannah_6

      695d

      Anxiety and depression are actually fairly common. I put off finding a medication because I thought I could handle it myself. It means I have issues enjoying normal things that make most parents happy. I got on Zoloft recently to help with crying spells. Anxiety can make someone feel overwhelmed to where it seems like they just cry too easily like me over simple things. Welcome to talk to me as I have both problems that you do in common. Maybe we can find a solution together. I could always use a comfort buddy myself.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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