Dealing with a lifelong phobia

I used to take papaya tablets. 2 before and after every single meal and up to 4 during a panic moment. I know it's all in my head so I've been battling it with willpower mainly. Over the years I've been able to reduce my triggers. Most of them anyway. If it gets bad I've had a habit of twirling a part of my hair so hard that it hurts and it helps distract, or tetris on a Gameboy system, anything to require shifting my attention but not requiring much concentration. Tucking my thumb(s) into my fists and squeezing steadily helps as well. If going outside is an option I'll always take it and focus on the sky,clouds,trees,anything that shows the world around me is normal and it's me in my own world that's the problem and mentally remind myself I'm apart of the world and it's 1 moment in time that WILL pass. I've gone to therapists and taken meds and none of them can really help with phobias, so for over 2 decades I've just been trying to find ways to be able to handle it myself. Making sure my friends knew to just leave me alone and not ask if I was okay or draw any attention to my issues helped as well. Act normal, feel normal lol. Sometimes some stuff worked better than others but not always. Knowing that I do have methods that help me encourages me to push my triggers and that's how I've improved and cn handle more now but it's STILL an occasional issue. Also for me, if I end up puking, then I know it was for a real reason but I don't give up the fight until I can't control it, and usually after the first time, the anxiety parts of it decrease and I can start to feel a little better. I'm terrified of stomach bugs and flus because I could be sick for weeks vs. just a flare up from something not sitting right in my stomach. I almost never over eat anything and have to be in certain settings in certain moods when I try new foods. It's like I have to have time to mentally prepare myself for what I know could turn into a few hours of trial and torture and hell. Is this new food worth that? Lol. But I also try to be my own cheerleader too. I don't want fear to be a decision maker in my life if I can help it. Sorry for writing so much, maybe something in this novel might help you. Hope so.

You know, the way I deal with it is a bit stupid. I just pretend I don’t have it. Everytime I get scared, I ignore the feeling and try my best to just not to do it! It sounds hard but it helps me out a lot. Basically larpinf as a person without emet!