Dating Someone Older Due to Trauma: Any Similar Experiences?

Usually, I would think age is just a number. However, if you reflect on your relationship patterns and maturity level, you can connect the dots. I almost married someone twenty years senior. I realize it was prey than love.

Are you dating him because of trauma or are you dating him because you like him?? If you like him then tell everybody else to bite you it's none of their dang business it's your life and your free to live it! If you're doing this because it's trauma-based then you need to take a step back and maybe talk to a really good counselor! You're the only one that can make your decision for you

It's like super super complex tbh. It gets so messy I decided a long time ago that it wasnt worth that shit and to focus on a specific age range that feels more within my mental/emotional development and current lifestyle and ideals, which is still older than me but only by a few years. A lot of people work that kinda thing out, my aunt was always into older guys so she was 22 and her husband was a 34 year old divorced father when they got married and they're great. Realistically probably the happiest couple I've met. They stumble upon a good older person who genuinely has the same maturity level, in a good way, and the same ideals and the same wants on the same timeline as them and it works out happily ever after. But 9/10 times, especially when mixing trauma in, it actually turns out what people thought was compatibility was both of you having a mix of traits that look similar at a glance but arent when applied in real life. For example some people seem like they have the same maturity level when in reality they're immature in one aspect, or in the same aspect that the younger partner grows out of and they dont, and then younger party is overly mature in another because theyre traumatized, which in some situations negates the maturity entirely, but neither of them are the same amount mature in the same ways causing friction. They could both want kids early but the younger one wants to start in like a year and the older one wished they already had kids. Or never want kids but for different reasons that make one parties relationship with other children more difficult. They could have the same interests and ideals but wildly different prespectives. Ect. All of this will impact how the relationship is conducted. Also ive noticed a lot of older men get more and more condescending about their younger partner even if they werent at the start. My dad actually did this in a way that really messed things up for him, he dated a woman The Same Age As Me from his work knowing that she was mature and responsible at work and with her coworkers and friendly relationships but once they started dating he noticed a lot of immature behaviors he couldn't see before and began treating her with kid gloves in *every* aspect, a sign of his own maturity issue imo, making her break it off and transfer jobs. Maybe there were ways to work around that but it clearly was a reaction to the relationship just not being the right fit and they had many other issues because of it. Age and maturity does some wild things to people and is incredibly dependent, and on top of that relationships are complex so having a similar age range can be really helpful in navigating it. Ig the point is if it works for you great, but if you notice its just not working out with older people you should probably open up to people closer to your age, its really not always worth the headache to have to wade through a bunch of incompatible or outright toxic relationships while also having to really pay attention to maturity and similar matters that you might not have to deal with if you just aim for a population of people who are statistically more likely to be compatible.