Coping with Grief and Anxiety After Losing a Parent to COVID-19

Yeah thats how I was actually thinking like before my dad died I already felt like everyone was dying around me. Cuz my mom actually had to go to the hospital and when she got out it was rough. And on top of stuff from my past my parents were in two different places at the time and I was going back and forward between them. So that caused my so called panic attack and I was also very low on sleep so when going to the hospital I was mentioning I was ready harm and hallucinating. But anywho I do have the same thought of if I go I go. (Which I always had like in the back of my head cuz at the end of the day I gonna go at one point or another). But yeah I should seek a therapist its just one day I feel fine and the next day or even week Im back to square one

so with my experience of first having depression was actually in 5th grade after my aunt died. since i already do have the genetic depression it was just triggered out if that makes sense. after her death, it caused a spiral of me thinking about death and what happens after death and what would happen if everyone around me just died and it was honestly the worst experience i have ever had. now with the God part, i tried that too but i have now given up after being told so many times that God wants me to burn in hell (i personally don’t think that and i still pray just in the privacy of my home.) after infodumping my own experiences on you i hope you can relate? i personally have never been told to have suicide idealization, just suicidal because i have always had a specific plan. now with antidepressants, mine do nothing for serotonin, they just greatly reduce my self harm and suicidal thoughts. so i dunno what antidepressant would be right for you, ALSO I TOTALLY RECOMMEND GETTING A THERAPIST BECAUSE IT HELPS A LOT

Aw man, Im so sorry to hear that. Just losing one parent was hard enough but both and so close together. I wasnt expecting to lose anyone so soon or so close in my life but life happened and it goes on I guess. But yeah I was on antidepressants for a little so maybe Ill reach out to a therapist or doctor to see if they can represcribe something.

I wonder if an antidepressant would be beneficial for you. What you describe sounds like some depression. I've been through it myself. Both my parents passed away in 2000, just a few months apart.