Constant Fear of Being Judged and Laughed At

i am constantly afraid people are laughing at me or judging me. i don’t believe people really like me, when they genuinely do. i have extensive trauma which led to paranoid personality disorder. i feel like everyone thinks my existence is a complete joke. sometimes i think when people are nice to me or compliment me they’re secretly making fun of me or pitying me. but at the same time i know that can’t be true, because i know i’m attractive. or i’m convincing myself i believe that. i don’t know. i’ve had people write me genuine love letters, i’ve been told people have a crush on me, i’ve been told people used to have a crush on me, i’ve dated a decent amount of people etc… that can’t happen if i’m seriously a joke or disgusting looking. but deep down, i will always believe it’s all a lie. it won’t go away.