Confused about my identity and experiences

Hello. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I even have DID or anything like it, but most of the symptoms sound like me. The main reason I don’t think I do have it is because I don’t have the amnesia that goes with it. It’s like I know what’s going on, and I can see it, but my whole body is numb and I can’t even think, and when I come to, I don’t really know what happened, but I do. It’s like I can see the big picture, but it’s all blurry and I can’t see the small details, like if I ate, or if I already did something, but there’s always a voice reminding me of things that I’ve done, and I’ve just gotten accustomed to asking it and it responds. I don’t even remember my past very well, and the parts I do remember it’s like someone in my mind is telling me what happened and a picture of what is being told me is being formed in my head. When I usually feel myself go numb I feel like a totally different person, I’m either extremely playful and joke around a lot or I’m extremely serious and hate everything. I can also hear bickering inside my head just going back and forth, and thoughts that I wouldn’t dare to think, and I have no idea where they come from. I’m so confused, can someone help?

Your answer

damon

2y ago

Well I can't speak on behalf of everyone with DID but for me at least, I notice that my short term memory isn't typically effected by the amnesia factor. I feel as though I'm dreaming almost, where I COULD influence things if I tried but I'm too lost in the feeling of letting something else take over for a bit so I don't have to think about it. And I'll sort of drift in and out of this state, where I feel I could change things and where I just don't realize what's going on. However, Ive noticed a lot more lately that during these episodes its my long term memory that suffers the amnesia. In the moment I'll feel as though I won't forget anything, but the next day I'll be entirely unable to tell you what I did after work or even who was in control, way beyond the point of simple forgetfulness. All of which only happens for me if someone else is the one in control. I also experience the whole 'more than one internal voice's thing where I'll hear two or more alters in the background arguing or an alter reminding me of something etc. If you're not sure it's full DID though it's possible you're looking more at a form of OSDD, or another dissociative/derealization disorder. I'd encourage you to find a therapist you can go to regularly, as if it is DID it's a trauma-based disorder and you may want that extra support in the future. Feel free to message me though with any other questions you may have about symptoms or anything though and Ill try my best to answer. 👍

The content in this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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