Confused about my friends with benefits situation

Hi, sorry if I spell things wrong lol. my grammar, and spelling ain't the best. but I came here to see if there are others who have the same as me. Yes, my problem is littery all my fault because I have trust issues, and my emotions always gets in the way of things. So it's kinda about a guy.. Yes, Yes I know stupid I get it lol but he is the kindest person I've ever met and everyday I just want to say "I love you". but where not together but we are friends with benefits. and he also likes this other girl.. Yay right. he's bee. getting closer to her and I never knew he liked her till recently. but now I understand everything that has happened in between them. he treats us like complete opposites. she gets praised like royalty and I get treated like dog 💩. most of the time.. and I guess I understand why? He said it's because of the arguments that have been happening but there only happening because he kept lieing. He finally told me the truth.. and he might die, everything that I did with all the arguments can kinda kill him. but that's also why he said that he can't risk just jumping into a relationship with me nor her. he said when it's a good to go with her then I'm going to be poor on a time limit of to me working on myself. and I'm so broken do to the things he did to me its going to take forever. and everyday they keep getting closer and he gets more distant with me. So I'm not sure what to do. I know some ppl are going to say "drop him" "leave him" and ect. But I know the truth I wanna hope is the actual truth this time lol. But with my knowing that I don't think I can. he's done things for me. and he's done things to hurt me. we are kinda like oil and water 90% of the time lol. but after the conversation we had last night I'm going to try to not get in my head and I don't know I guess I just need someone to talk to. Even though it's about something so stupid and selfish 😅😂 Sorry if thats all over the place. Everything is just ehh if you get what I mean.