Feeling Alone with Complex Mental Health Disorders

OHHH- I definitely "get it" 😂 10+ conditions, not even counting physical problems. I try to narrow the list down by discussing it and then they add ANOTHER ONE. It made me really suicidal for a while like "no one else has this many, this combination, this response to treatment, etc. How does everyone expect me to survive it?" I still get those doubts sometimes, but my mindset has changed a lot. I'm a little unhinged but in a good way? Kind of figuring out how to unmask but reasonably. I've failed at it countless times, but my goal is to not have an environment become more stressful and triggering by having to always hide 70% of how I function and need to work through it. I mean, I'm the same person in shittier circumstances, but people see me differently now, and I don't want my differences to seem so bad or be so hard to understand by being dishonest and afraid. Having people understand me is SO HARD. Communication is impossible when I'm triggered. I feel trapped in my body, but I'm learning that's not such a bad thing for me, so I can heal what's in it at my own pace, in a way that works for me. Even if it takes years of dissociating off my life 🙃 All for the future ig. I'm very lucky I get to stay at home and have all my time dedicated to my health until it's managed enough that I can be independent. I hate that my life is completely ruled by my thoughts and emotions and illogical reasoning and confusion. I hate that I'm alone inside my head, exhausted and in pain to the point I wish death, and it's all on me to fix something that seems impossible to even sit through or improve in the state that I'm in. And how are we supposed to fix it? Talking it out with a therapist while imaging a rainbow bridge 😭 I'm so humbled but somehow that shit gets things DONE. 🌈 This is not about competition or comparison at all, but I always love to see other "complex cases" lists! It makes me feel a lot better to know I'm not the only one handling "too much." It's rare to find us, but I love when we do find each other! My list is this: • [PD] Panic Disorder • [C-PTSD] Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder • [SZA-BP2] Schizoaffective Disorder- Bipolar 2 type • [GAD] Generalized Anxiety Disorder • [SAD] Social Anxiety Disorder • [DPDR] Depersonalization Derealization Disorder • Dermatillomania/Exorciation Disorder • [NSSI] Non-Suicidal Self-Injury • [BPD]Borderline Personality Disorder • [ADHD] Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Combined type • [OCD] Obsessive Compulsive Disorder • (testing for ASD soon, hopefully making the list smaller and make more sense to me) Love you!! Xoxo Wish you weren't going through this. Sorry my comment is all over the place, but I'll keep checking back to see the other replies. Y'all are not alone!! Xoxo