Competing Illnesses in the Family

Oh, for sure. People don't realize this illness is not the kind of fatigue others feel at the end of a long day. It is crippling, life altering, intolerable pain and fatigue that doesn't improve with rest. I long ago gave up trying to make people hear it from me. I shared some videos of people with M.E., and that really helped make them get it. Unrest, which can be seen on Netflix, is one I would recommend.

Yessssssss. It can feel so frustrating

I was just complaining about this😭 I got really sick and lost a bunch of weight and a family member went on a diet that she told us about then months later complained that she didn’t know why she was so skinny and she had to find a doctor. It’s so frustrating😭

Yes!

Yes my great aunts especially are terrible about this. Making comments at dinner about how “everyone has problems but they still have jobs and are productive members of society”. I have reached the point where I no longer want to be around them and intentionally skip family events because of them. And I think it is completely valid to cut anyone off who isn’t being supportive

Absolutely. This is super frustrating, especially when feeling heard is one of the only things that makes you feel slightly better. If you ever need validation or encouragement, please reach out to me and we can chat! Try to find 1-2 friends or family members who listen well, and then perhaps have those loved ones explain your conditions to the ones who don’t listen. 💕

Yes, my mother. We could start our own support group for sure!

One of my other sisters also treats it like a challenge/competition.... But in a weirdly playful way. Also finally coming to terms with it, trying to feel validated, and trying to understand herself. It's not as combative feeling or invalidating (usually) but it still doesn't seem healthy. It seems like a trauma response.

One of my sisters kind of does this... It's interesting because she's an otherwise extremely compassionate person. Both of us were late to being diagnosed for a lot of near-lifelong issues... So i think she does it out of a form of self protection, since her issues (... And mine) were ignored and invalidated for so long. She seems to feel like she still needs to prove she is struggling, and to do that needs to be worse off. She doesn't realize by over validating herself she's accidentally invalidating me and our other siblings. I probably should open up to her about it, but you know, it feels awkward and i fear making her feel invalidated to some point along the way... Or creating an argument. So i feel the need to find the right moment.

yes, it's my dad and that's why it took me as long as it did to be seen for my pain. he has had it a lot longer for sure but i actually ran away from home last year because of the comments he was making all the time about me trying to get on ssa disability

Yes. I've been living with chronic pain for 16 years. My mom's developed 5 years ago. While her experience is absolutely valid on its own, I very much resent the comparison and accusations that I "don't know pain" like she knows pain. Message me if you ever need an ally! I'm slowly training her (sounds bad, but that's absolutely what I'm doing) in ways I will and will not tolerate her speaking about my condition with the help of my therapist. It's actually gotten through and helped a ton. Sometimes you have to be the grown up.