How Chronic Illness Affects Family Planning

I have 5 boys...1 has ss...4 has the trait.

❤️😥

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One of my conditions is infertility, so my family planning has been affected pretty profoundly.

When I was younger I wanted kids. But as I grew up and basically had a rough childhood and teenagehood I decided I wanted no kids. And I found a person that wanted no kids too and with all the issues I have it wouldn't be fair to pass down the genes I have to the next generation and with mental health illness I have it wouldn't be fair to the child I could have to be like in and out of a mental health place because I'm not stable enough. And then with my diabetes and other genetic things I have, I dont want that child to have and potentially passing it to her as a baby I rather not. I could adopt. But with my unique relationship I have plenty of times to babysit and be around kids so I don't need biological kids. I also have 3 wonderful nephews. 1 I get to talk to all the time. 2 I get to talk few times a year. And I am sure my other siblings will have kids when they are ready. So I am good. It hasn't affected me as much.

I want to adopt, but I would love to have a baby and I worry about the ethics of infant adoption

I barely think I'm going to be able to have a long term relationship, in part because of my chronic illness. Having a child when I could potential pass my condition onto them congenitally or just sentencing them to have a sick parent is too much for me to bare. No kids for me unless something huge changes.

My whole family is messed up genetic wise. So having kids that were different wasn’t a problem in my life. My oldest has severe adhd, a few speech disorders, and is mentally 3 to 4 years younger than her age. The next one has poor eye sight just like her aunt. One got the common cold at 3 days old and now has a compermised immune system and severe asthma. The four was born blind for the first 5 months but now is perfectly health. The last will be here in august. I love that my family is different. I did get them all genetic testing young and they don’t seem to have any markers that other family members have but even me and my brother and sister are so vast in our health problems. So it could be anything.

i’ve always said I’m far too tired to have any kids of my own. nearly everybody has told me that, at 18, they didn’t want kids either and that I’ll almost definitely change my mind someday.

I decided too have kids but I don't think I could physically carry another it made my Eds and chronic nausea worse but my daughter was worth it

My partner and I are going to start trying in the next couple years for a baby, but if I can’t conceive by 30/31 I’ll be having a hysterectomy. He’s accepted that there’s a possibility of no kids, but we both would at least like to give it a try

I have mild rett syndrome and have been told that if I have kids in the future I could pass it down to them.

I currently don’t have the endurance to have a job, go to school full time, stay at family events. I know that I’ll want kids eventually, but I don’t have the energy for such a commitment. I hope that one day I’ll be well enough to foster though

I’m afraid to ever become a parent unless I get well.

I full on placed my first born (& only child to date) into adoption bc I was mentally immature and delayed because of my metal illness. Actually, to say it out loud for the first time ever, my mental illness and substance use history are largely the reason I chose to place her. I realized, I just couldn't a the age of 21. Even though some in my family thought I copped out and used it as an excuse..... I put my wants of being an actual mom to the side to give Gwendolyn the best life possibily could. And the last thing I was able to do was be a parent, bc of my brain. So I made my choice. And in my birth plan it said, upon placement do full psychiatric scan and behavioral health questions to determine if [I] need hospitalization. Fun fact: I was actually stronger than I was prepared for. 💕

I was undiagnosed when I had my first kid and it literally almost killed me. Since then I've learned a lot about my body and know that EDS is likely what caused my complications. I'm definitely not confident in my ability to go through it again, even though I do want another baby.

I feel like I can't do anything right for anyone

I have PCOS, SLE and Fibromyalgia, and history of Epilepsy. I tried to get pregnant and did once after 6 years trying only to loose it super early. When i lost it I said no more I don't want to pass this on to anyone.

Years ago, pre-marriage, I was steadfast in the notion that if I ever met "the one" we would focus on adoption. This was early on in my autoimmune journey and I wasn't with anyone. Fast forward to meeting the man who has become my best friend, my other half, and I listened to his desire to at least try. We knew going into it that it would not be slam dunk for us as I was older. Two years ago, we had a miscarriage. It took months for anyone to listen to me. In the interim, I began having flares of my conditions. I had to stop working as a result. On oxygen, and now I'm getting evaluated for a double lung transplant. So, we're back to the adoption option...but we can't really start that until we have our own home. Meanwhile neither of us is getting any younger...43 in July for me. My husband just turned 52 in January.

that's how I feel about it... With my MS - no one knows how long I'll remain mobile, coherent, able, hell even nourished enough to live regular life. If I had children, how long would I be able to participate in their lives? Would childbirth cause to me what it did to Selma Blair? In that case - my businesses wouldn't be very successful...therefore my income would deplete. I'd be helpless with a helpless little baby & just unabled.

I am only 18 and don't have kids yet but I do think about this but I feel afraid that my mom finding out that I have a kid that she is going to try to find me and mistreat my kid just like she abused and all honesty I hope that doesn't happen because my kid don't deserve that and they don't deserve to be with out a mother because I would be in jail if that bitch ever tried to do anything to my kid

I'm very sorry maybe you can try to adopt children not the same as having your own but alot of ppl do adopt children o will be praying for you sweetie

I was raised by a bipolar mother and just had a baby girl. My mother never got treatment and to this day denies being bipolar despite being diagnosed (and it being incredibly obvious). If my daughter inherits my issues, I hope I can show an example of embracing the difficult parts of myself and my life and give her the support and education she needs to live with and overcome it. It's so hard to think of her having to go through some of this but I hope I will be able to teach her how to manage it and be more sensitive to and loving of the people she meets and what they may be struggling with.

my fibro didn't show till I found out about my 3rd baby. I love my bugs but If I would have known sooner. I would have never had kids

I want kids so badly, but I struggle with my mental health and I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I feel stable enough to have children. At the point I'm at now, I can't even hold a job. And if I do reach that stability, I don't know that I want to have biological children. My anxiety has made me terrified of pain, which means I'm terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. And I don't want to pass along my mental illness.

I can't go off of my meds to have kids, and I can't have kids on my meds. It's terrible.

Between my physical and mental health concerns, I KNOW I'm doing a kindness by remaining childfree.

We tried to have children trusting that God would give us healthy, happy kids. Turned out we couldn't have kids and we were devastated. After a while we became foster parents and fostered kids for 10 years. Over 100 kids came and went from our house during that time. We asked 11 to stay and we adopted them. I think God had that planned for us all along.

Yes.. I made the decision not to have kids many years ago. I'm happy with that

I've had an ex who got weirded out by my tourettes, didn't accept me for who I was, and worsened my mental health. I wanted to settle down with this person, but they didn't love me enough to do so. Like, if I didn't have all this stuff going on, who was I?

Always planned on adoption if I ever wanted children since I’ve been through multiple operations and don’t want to spend another minute in a hospital. My condition can also be passed through genes and I wouldn’t be able to mentally deal with going through that again. Plus there are thousands of kids in foster care that deserve loving homes.

Well I'm gay sooooo

I had a hysterectomy. I always wanted to adopt instead of having a biological child, but it really sucks not longer having the option

I was on a huge disney trip when I hit rock bottom.

I want to have a kid with my partner but I'm so scared I won't be able to take care of them because I'm disabled.

It sent me into labor at 24 weeks (thankfully they stopped it), and then went into preclampsia, I had to be induced to protect him and I.

I want kids, but having them biologically would most likely kill either me, them, or both. My conditions are causing me to lose myself, and to become this angry person that I'm not, so I am scared to even think about adopting if I'm this medically screwed up.

I had a chemical pregnancy years ago. I didn't tell my friend until last year. It was really sad. For now, I choose to take birth control to help with Endometriosis and refrain from intimacy.

I completely understand I choose to have a hysterectomy when I was 38yrs old. Due to my conditions I could not take care of children.

My symptoms didn't start until after I'd had 3 kids. They all have issues with pain.

Everyone doesn’t want me to have kids, but at the end of the day it’s my decision to have kids or not. Yes I may take medications to make me feel okay, but that won’t stop me from being the best mom ever when I do have kids.

I tried off and on for 15 years to get pregnant. I had to come to terms with the limitations of my own body and realize that even if I did get pregnant it wouldn’t be realistic for me to carry. Now at 40, my husband and I created 4 embryos with the help of IVF. We are lucky to have insurance that covered much of the cost. My 22 year old niece has volunteered to be our surrogate. We plan to transfer within the next couple of months. I also considered my health limitations when thinking about my ability to care for a child. We felt comfortable moving forward with everything because my in laws have agreed to retire early and move here from India and live with us. My husband also works from home. We felt like that would be an adequate support system and they can pick up the slack on my challenging days.

With my conditions I can barely get through a day taking care of myself, let alone another person.

I am still only 19 but building a family is a huge goal of mine and I don’t want my mental illness to block my goals. I’m definitely still scared😂 But the thought of not doing it alone helps.

im here for all of you.

I went back and forth all my life bout kids and recently like 5 maybe 6 months ago was hooked on having a kid. Then after like 3 or 4 months decided my decision of not having any cause of my health was wise and it’s not selfish of me not to have any. Also biggest thing was me having a kid at 37 seemed late in my life and didn’t want to be that old when my child graduated. We did talk about adoption but I think I just wanted to know what that connection was like to hold and birth the child. But will not save me emotionally.

I'm afraid I might be in early menopause

If I ever want to carry my own child, ill need round the clock care and lots of trips to the doctors office and after the birth, more doctors for both of us. Im only 20 so im not thinking too much about it but it is not fun to be reminded every time I go to the doctor about the risks

I had a rough pregnancy but I have a child and it hasn't been much of struggle physically. Praise the Lord

I had my girls young and actually was not thinking about it. My girls are now adults and suffer with their own mental health battles. I feel like regardless of what your dx is they will have their own things as they are human.

I was a survivor of leukemia at age 2. I never thought having kids would be far to my children.

i’m 19. i was told i could never have kids, and honestly i wouldn’t want to and then pass this on to my children. i’ve chosen to adopt in the future instead, possibly surrogacy too:)

I almost died having my daughter. My health problems and depression worsened after. Then a year later we found out that we couldn't have anymore, it killed us. But I have a beautiful sassy tween. Between my conditions and the depression I didn't do well for a while.😥

I was told at the age of 8 I would never be able to have children. That was in 1988. My parents told everyone they knew if they ever heard of anyone willing to put their child up for adoption to let us know, well in 2006 I got a call from one of my mom's best friends, she told me she knew of a baby that needed a home! I was in shock! I couldn't believe it!! I was so so HAPPY, now my son is 15 and he is all mine!! Adoption is a beautiful thing!!❤️

I wasn't diagnosed until after my children and I didn't find out it was hereditary until i had my second child. The second i found out i had my tubes removed so i wouldn't risk having any more children. I feel bad enough knowing my children could get fibromyalgia. I've had both of them in therapy to learn emotion regulation since they were old enough to start. I'm doing everything I can to try to save them from what I go through.

I had 2 kids before all of my late diagnosis so it didn't affect it.

Yes, my child is adopted and raised by my parents because my Mental Health is far from what’s ideal for a child to be exposed to. Also, I realized I cannot have children in my future; My mental illnesses are genetic, I almost lost myself to postpartum depression the last time I had a child, I can’t mentally or physically take the weight gain again, and I hate to admit it but just due to the way I am...I know I’d be less than happy to be attending to anyone else’s needs consistently, all day every day and night without becoming resentful or even neglectful. So yes, my conditions have destroyed my ideal family life...and I’ll never truly get to be a Mother the way I’d always wanted to be....my own son doesn’t even know I’m his biological mother yet, he thinks his grandparents are his biological parents and it’s devastating for me but it’s what is best for him, he needed stability and I did what it took to give him that. No matter how it has all broke me. 😔

They've made it nearly impossible to conceive. 😥

I mean. I'm still young but the thought of having kids makes me so anxious. I'm afraid I'm gonna break them. I'm not even sure that I want kids but I'm currently leaning towards no. And I love kids and babysitting, I just...idk, kids don't stay kids forever. I've also never been on a date and I'm about to graduate college so...maybe I have bigger problems.

I’m having a hard time socializing and getting tired as well as as depressed and angry. That last 1 is a relationship killer and I can’t stand it. I’m also kind of embarrassed about it because I’m not just Christian I’m a minister of the Gospel. It’s deeply painful and sad.

at first I was considering if I even wanted to have kids with what I deal with mentally, but I realized that my negative mental aspects are actually a result of being mistreated and under diagnosed rather than the mental disorder itself, and I feel I don’t want kids until I learn how to most effectively and comfortably raise a happy and healthy child with adhd and autism.

I’m type 1 diabetic and I have an 18 month old baby boy and love him with all my heart and soul! ❤️ I couldn’t imagine life without him. I did the research and apparently the percentage of my children is only a LITTLE bit higher probability that they could have type 1 diabetes, as well. I’ve had it since I was 6. If any of my kids get it, I’m the best mom they could have and in today’s day and age you can have type 1 diabetes and ALL the support, technology, doctors, knowledge and everything a T1D person needs to thrive and have a “normal T1D life” (we have our own “normal” and that is okay - we all do! And that’s what I plan to teach my children.)

Surprisingly, not at all. I am VERY fertile. I just got my tubes tied this past November

I want a baby but I’m to mentally sick to have one and my disorder gets in my way

No children sterile from high doses of prolix-in Thorazine. And Melerile as an adolescent

I would have to stop my meditation if I wanted to have biological kids. I'm worried about what would happen if I stopped. Also: my disorders are genetic, and lied dormant or only mild in my family for a long time. I'm obviously worried about passing on genetics with poor brain chemistry.

My gp and cfs have forced me to give my 13yr old to his foster mom and she rubs it in my face all the time.😥

PTSD making me afraid of men.

My husband and I just began the process of embryo freezing. I had a chemical pregnancy recently and it was a roller coaster because we weren’t even trying. I had literally every symptom starting the week after my missed cycle. Got the positive once and then it just ended. It really scared me because my SIL has struggled with fertility. I want kids, but I also have a lot of fear that I won’t be able to handle it. Sometimes my CRPS is so bad I can’t even hold my phone. It’s scary but I have a good support system. Now just isn’t good timing for other reasons. Life is just too hard and unstable at the moment.

I have one child, after several miscarriages. I am definitely a one and done family. We actually gave up trying and then I ended up pregnant right after starting a new job.

Too many conditions genetically run in my family so I made the decision young that I would never have my own biological kids. I don't want to bring a child into the world only to suffer from hardships. I also probably wouldn't make a great mother

Having a family was something I dreamed of my whole life. However, I made the incredibly hard decision not to have children. I thought if there's a chance that I could pass on even 1 of my several conditions I would never forgive myself. I would never want a child to experience a fraction of what I've been through.

I do not want to be pregnant again, because the likelihood of similar complications would be too much to handle. I'm only now able to recognize the trauma that my experience left me with. It's been almost two years since my water broke at 27 weeks and eventhough I have a healthy 20 month old (I was isolated on hospital bedrest during the pandemic, until I was induced at 34wks and then NICU time). I'm still feeling hurt by the whole situation.

I am constantly feeling depressed and so when I see other women with a baby I become more and more depressed, I may also be infertil so it makes matters worse when I think about it.

I don't know anyone in my family besides myself with type 1 diabetes. I have two kids. Everyone is different, but it was a decent journey bringing them in this world. I had a really good medical team and a very supportive husband and I didn't have any complications due to my condition. Just a piece of my experience.

I decided not to have kids when I was diagnosed at 13. I don't want my child to go through what I have gone through and have to experience all the difficulties with medical problems. it is really disappointing and I feel left out sometimes, I'd like to be pregnant and have a child that looks like me but I can't in good conscience give my child what I have

I always wanted to be a mother but conceiving is not possible with my condition. If I can find a partner, I want to foster. So many kids need love!

I definitely don’t want to run the risk of passing on my genetic garbage can of illnesses that I have. Plus I don’t have the patience or energy that kids need

I had a tubal ligation at 35 because I was afraid my kids would inherit my mental illnesses. I'm not at all sorry I did it.

I decided years ago to not have biological kids but I planned on adopting a kid in the future but now I am considering that even that may be too much for me, I am worried that I would get mentally/sensory-wise overloaded/overwhelmed by my kid so I may never adopt a kid, or maybe I will just be a foster parent. I know though that I'm young and I have time to think about these things

I have autism and epilepsy, my husband has autism and Crohn's disease. The drs said if we had a child, they'd be extremely disabled. And with all of our own health issues, it wouldn't be responsible to have a child that we wouldn't be capable of taking care of.

I refuse to have kids because I already cannot function well enough on my own, let enough with children. I wouldn’t be the parent a child deserves. I also would feel forever guilty if I passed anything down.

I never planned to get pregnant anyway (I only wanted to adopt) docs told me that I wouldn't be able to have kids, it wasn't that upsetting at the time, but I did end up getting Prego (not by choice but I digress), unfortunately halfway through the first trimester I had a miscarriage...doc isn't sure if it was because of the reason I'm not supposed to be able to get prego or if it was my anxiety and stress that caused it... either way it was still hard...my original due date was about a week ago, it's been a hard week

I have numerous conditions that I know has become a burden for my family. Anxiety, depression, etc. A lot of times I don't feel like doing anything so my husband has to do things with our kids. I'll go days without showering & I know I stink sometimes. I don't have a license because of my anxiety. I tried getting a permit but completely freaked out because I was around so many strangers. So I just sped through the test & failed. 🥺 I'm on meds now but it's taking a while to work.

I dont want kids cause of my illness

I’ve been saying for year that I do not want biological children, I’m only 22. I have fibromyalgia, eds, gerd, and am autistic. My mom has all the same issues, my older brother has fibromyalgia as well. He has a 6mo baby that is already showing symptoms of fibromyalgia. I don’t want to put a baby through this pain that they can’t possibly begin to understand. I’ve had this conversation with my boyfriend who really wants kids of his own and he seems to understand. My mom on the other hand doesn’t get it even though 2 of her kids are struggling with daily pain and other conditions.

Personally since a lot of my conditions are hereditary I have chosen to not even try to have a biological family I'm getting more the older I get and so is my older family. And my SO has some hereditary issues too personally I think for me it's better to not do it at all.

Some of my conditions have genetic components, so I am never having biological kids so they don’t have to inherit those conditions from me. I suffer quite a bit because of my conditions. I don’t want to force similar suffering upon someone

Yes all the time, but I encourage my family to go without me. I'm not stopping them from a goos time.

Likely can’t have children with my conditions and planned to foster/adopt…but also concerned about approval to do so with some of my diagnoses 😕

Honestly since overcoming so much and pointing myself in a good direction, it's encouraged me to have kids. If it's the right time with the right person of course. To care, teach, and learn from the child(ren) would open doors of joy and compassion that couldn't be opened otherwise. We'd be growing together.

Im a guy and I absolutely appreciate everything said here, I'm in the same situation but tough to explain

It's a effect it alot if I where to get pregnant I would have to stop taking my life changing medication and would have to be put in a mental hospital for my safety and the safety of my child

I don't want kids. I feel like I can be a great aunt or something else but surely not a parent. I'm too scared to cause my own kids trauma, to create another human being that doesn't want to live, or hates me that I brought them here. And I love kids, everytime I spent a time w them they love me. I just think I can't do it all the time, you know, be a good consistent parent, it's not me

I would be a HORRIBLE mother

I don't want kids for a variety of reasons. Mainly because I don't think I'll ever be in a position where I'm stable enough to be able to consistently take care of a child. Along with also not wanting to pass any of my mental health conditions onto them, I don't wish that onto any child. Plus childbirth just seems painful 🤷‍♀️

In the past they affected me being outside for long periods of time. And they affected how I seen myself in the past

I had one child at 25 and I thank God every day bc I could never do that now

I have been told multiple times not to have kids 😥

My depression makes me feel like I'll never be able to take serious responsibilities, so how would I be able to raise a family? And financially, I would be constantly stressed. I don't need a little kid to overspend on. But at the same time, having kids would make me feel more loved. I guess only time and patience will allow me to decide?

I've chosen to never have biological kids because I don't want to pass on the conditions I have to a child. There's just too much I could pass on, I don't even think I can successfully give birth. I don't even think I could with being a trans person. I might adopt though when I have the time to focus on a kid and not only work and my health.

My anxiety makes me very scared to go absolutely anywhere so as long as they're planning on going anywhere for the summer I end up freaking out and thinking of everything that could go wrong. My current guardian is trying to force me to go which isnt helping.

I have wanted kids for years now but I think due to my health conditions I shouldn’t have kids of my own. Not for a while. A lot of my conditions are hereditary and I’m in an awful spot right now with my health so it’s a double whammy. Maybe in the future I’ll change my mind but for the foreseeable future, I don’t think I want kids. A child free future may have to be my future

Seems like I am unable to conceive will be the next condition I get diagnosed with

I'm afraid to have kids because my anxiety is so bad. I'm scared I will have really bad mental health while pregnant that will affect my baby, or have panic attacks during delivery and not be able to stay calm. It may sound silly but I wouldn't wish my mental health conditions on anyone and I don't know how I would handle it if my child had to experience it.

🙏 🙏

I don't trust my mental health enough to have kids because of the pregnancy process, but at least that has influenced me to go for fostering

So sorry to hear that, God bless you!!!

If I was pregnant, in order for the fetus to be healthy, I would need to be off of my medications. But in order for *me* to be healthy, that is not a risk I am willing to take. I also may have fertility issues, complicating things even further. So biological children is not an option for me, and I’m okay with that.

Infertility and miscarriages

I will never have any biological children of my own because I don't want to put my mental illness on a child. It's not fair to them 😥 Although I really want a biological child, I will never do them that disservice.

I will also kill my line intentionally

Yes I have TS and sometimes when it's a really bad tic day I can't go anywhere!

I’ve always dreamed of adopting even as a child, why? Because I’m breaking the cycle of mental illness and chronic genetic illnesses in my family. So I’ll probably adopt when I’m older and have a more stable home and income.

I have RH disease, not something Alike offers as an option currently, but essentially it means if I ever get pregnant with a child with a positive blood type my immune system will attack it and make me horribly ill and it has a very high risk of killing the fetus. On top of that I might have Lupus which is not only genetic but autoimmune which does not sound like a good combination. I also have severe gender dysphoria over pregnancy but with how dangerous it is that feels like an after thought.

emetophobia decided for me that I can never have a young child

It's ok to not have children, especially if you are struggling to take care of just yourself.

I feel like I don't have the energy to keep living, but I dont wanna die because I have people around me that I love.. but I still feel so empty

Princess syndrome working momma so I sometimes act about as young as my daughter. I got her ready for school mentally at least. I do try my hardest to take medicine ,but I still find stuffed animals comforting. We do plan on having a second one so Im waiting to find out for sure. Welcome to message me if you want.

Had 2 kids before getting most recent diagnosis and before my husband got diagnosed with scp27. Both kids (7 & 5) tested positive for sca27, oldest is already showing signs. Both have other diagnosis also. I feel the guilt everyday.

I know I can never have a biological kid bc I can't function/live without my psych meds. Sucks butt.

I’m actually petrified of having kids bc of pain I’ve been having , even adopting a child not sure I could handle physically:/

Please forgive me for saying this. This is just what I've been dealing with in my head lately. Everytime time I see women with children, I feel sad for them, I think how sad, hard and miserable their life must be being a slave to small people. Having to spend so much time with children who can't offer adult conversation, they have to work tirelessly and it must be miserable. No freedom. And then I see people with 4-6 kids and I think what the f, why would you so that to yourself. 😩 I had to get that out there. I just don't understand women who are happy having kids, and I think it must be societal pressures. I am so sorry to say that, I have friends with a lot of kids and I actually really like kids and spending time with my friends and playing with their children. Am I the only one who thinks this? The idea of having children being slightly barbaric? Again I apologize for the offensive nature. My personal truth bomb. I'm 32 straight single never married female Christian, only been in one relationship, currently single, but I do want a relationship though.

I couldn’t bear carrying a child to term and then being too weak to hold it. Being too tired to feed them. Too exhausted to keep them safe. It would be devastating. I keep telling my doctors this but only my trans-affirming care dr really understood. Oh yeah. And the whole non-binary don’t want to be associated with womanhood thing. It would just be a clusterfuck of misgendering and sexism. It already is. Leaning into motherhood would likely make it worse.

I am autistic (also trans) so it’s unlikely I’m having a child unless it’s adopted. I know how hard it was to raise me, and I am just not prepared raise another aspie.

I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. Now, I have 3 pill babies. They have been such a blessing even if they came into our lives way to fast. I feel like my body was using the pill to regulate and balance vs prevent anything.

My conditions have completely changed I really always have wanted kids but now I’m terrified to have one. I have chronic pain and lots of neurological problems and I’m scared I won’t be able to care for a baby I can barely bend down or do much on some days. It’s rough

My daughter always reminds me there are plenty of children you can adopt.

I use to always want to be a mother. I thought I was born to be one. But I have so many mental issues that I never want to put another person through. Life can be ugly and we shouldn’t make other people exist.

the things wrong with me don't seem to be genetic (no one else in the family has the major ones) but knowing conceiving might be impossible or a pregnancy could kill me kinda nixes the hope of bio kids. I also wouldn't want to pass down how helpless and angry being sick makes me sometimes, but the partner and I both agree adoption might be on the table one day

It absolutely has, if the physical state of the world didn't deter me enough my conditions and issues are keeping me from having kids

I went into family planning not thinking I could carry a child to term, I had a miscarriage, living child and another miscarriage. Most women in my family have difficulties keeping a pregnancy or in some cases still birth or SIDS. I probably won't have more kids because of my tubal reconstruction over a year ago and not being able to conceive since.

I do have 2 children by RA didn’t show its ugly head till 44.

I want children but my mental illness may have a genetic component. I also don't want to physically carry a child because I don't think my chronic joint pain could handle it. My options are surrogacy or adoption. I hope I can one day afford those options.

There is no way in the world I would ever intentionally have a child.

I used to feel I may end up having biological kids one day, but because I started HRT ( hormone replacement therapy) last year, I was given the option to freeze my eggs, it was so expensive and I considered it, but the expenses, plus my family history of addiction and mental illness made me decide that biological kids weren't necessary for me.

I have no thyroid so having my daughter was really highrisk. But i do plan on trying for another in a few years so.

I want kids but we don't have the money or stability to start one.

My PCOS made that decision for me. And my chronic pain finished it off. But I'm a proud step mom to a awesome 13girl. She's my world.

We have just been happy when get have gotten to carry our babies to term and bring them home. Are we concerned that they may inherit some of our issues? Yes. However, there lives matter too and we will help them become better adults because of it.

I'm currently pregnant - and even though I want more I don't think I'll be able to.. 😥 this one is taking a huge tole on my body. I have one bio son already and 3 bonus kiddos,. But my goal for 7 kids Total.. we wanted a big family but unfortunately this will probably be my last. I'm in the third trimester and my body is shutting down on me

I only found out about my late onset Pompe Disease (a very rare form of MD) when my daughter was about 14. Since then I've discovered I also have 4 brain aneurysms (another genetic problem like my Dad had), Heart disease due to MAJOR stress the past 6-7 yrs. due to my daughter, a previous neighbor, and several police officers. I just went to Mass General a couple weeks ago for a lung biopsy and yes, it's lung cancer however, only stage one so the radiation treatments will make it go away, but still, all these things run in my family smh. I'm the youngest of 7 and the only one with all this shit..Then I think about the Vanessa Williams song "save the best for last" and I always liked it until I look at my life. Save the best for last? A.Y.F.K.M? I now have 2 of the most precious grandchildren ever, and I think to myself, without my B of a daughter, I wouldn't have had the years with them that I've had so, to let a disability stop you from havin a baby isn't really right just because you know about it beforehand. It isnt right to limit yourself like that and there's nothing like you're own...If my life would have worked out differently, Id have had tons. When you have a baby with someone, they're supposed to be just as committed to that baby as you. Your partner should have been talking you into keeping the baby, not going through being all excited during the pregnancy to give the baby up for you to end up adopting anyway. Your own child could have what you have and then they end up in a family that's not gonna understand as much as you?

Save the best for last meaning me, being the youngest of my idiot family, yet the only one with all these ailments. I had to clarify that because I do consider my grandchilden the best💜🦁

Not having kids because of MS

I'm 32, still live with my mom. Working on getting out with my boyfriend. But it'll be sometime before we're emotionally and financially stable enough for kids. And I'm terrified of my ability to have kids by then. At the earliest, I'll be in my late 30s, if not early 40s, which can come with a whole host of problems. And my last ex boyfriend told me I could never be a mother because of my issues, so I battle with that. Even though my current bf refutes that constantly, it still sits in my head.

I had a few conditions before I had my kids. None were a huge concern to me, and didn't affect our desire or decision to have children. Infertility did. We spent more than 8 years TTC. Honestly, the phrase "just adopt" infuriates me. There's nothing "just" about it. Even going through the foster system isn't a simple thing, and most adoptions are expensive AND not a sure thing, and the money is the least of what you need. It's an absolutely wonderful thing to do, but it isn't as simple as people seem to think. I suggest to anyone with any doubts about having biologic children to save from the moment they can, and prepare mentally. We got extremely lucky, and IUI worked for us, on our last try, before "reassessing". We had b/g twins, and we got what we'd always wanted in one pregnancy. I was high risk several times over. Diabetic, "geriatric", history of infertility, and twins. My pregnancy was wonderful, though. My luck started to crash before the kids were 6ms. Both hands developed carpal tunnel AND multiple trigger fingers. Things were good for a few years, then in 2020 I went through several mysterious things, and it's been come and go since, with the latest thing being GP. If GP had happened before pregnancy, I'm not sure we would have had the kids. I can't imagine being pregnant and unable to eat normally. I'm thankful to have my babies, but it's hard not being able to play and love them they way I want.

Given mine is genetic I’ve thought a lot about it. I want kids but would have to really think and plan before I did it, I also have pcos so as of now I’d likely need fertility medication

I don’t feel mentally able to have kids even if I could physically, which right now is not a possibility.

I've already made the decision to not have my own child, epilepsy runs in my biological mother's side of the family, and, while it hurts, I'm making this decision for my well-being as well.

I would never have children because what if I went into a manic episode. How could I keep my child safe?

I might never have any children of my own because I have a bunch of severe health conditions and diseases that come from my family. I feel like that would be very selfish of me to want to have a child knowing it might have some struggles for the rest of it's life. And sometimes I think, maybe the kid would appreciate being alive, because I still enjoy life despite my health conditions. Idk 😥💔

I had all 3 of my kids before my diagnosis. Honestly, I would not have the physical or mental capacity to have more 😥 I'm very blessed to have the children I have, even though I'm not able to run and play with them as I'd like to...

I could wish I had decided not to have children. Don't misunderstand, I love both my boys more than my own life, however, I wish I could've spared them the depression and bipolar. So many other things I wish they had inherited from me.

I knew my girl had basically a 75% chance of having some type of mental health disorder, between mine and her dad's issues. I almost gave her up for adoption, but at the meeting to schedule meeting the new parents, I backed out. We both decided she was ours, even though we were teens. I had an awful pregnancy. I couldn't stop throwing up, day and night through the entire pregnancy. All that didn't matter when I had my little girl. I had a hard time being the best mom I could be and I needed lots of help. Her dad didn't stick around, but I relied heavily on my mom. She kept my girl every weekend of her childhood, at first so I could decompress. Eventually my girls issues came forward and those weekends were for both of us to decompress. She got excellent services in our community and in her school district. It takes a village sometimes and I relied on that village. She's 23 now, has lots of issues but also an amazing personality and sense of humor, a great heart and a future to look forward to. Don't regret that for one second.

Well I'm a transfem so I don't think I will be having kids of my own.

I had two kids when I was young and dumb (they're my world, don't get me wrong!) I never planned to have kids when I did. They are both from the same guy, an ex. Now I am with my forever man, he accepts my kids as his own however we've tried to conceive our own child. It has been over 2 years now.... We both are physically able to have kids I just cannot conceive again. I now have endometriosis and a lot of mental health problems that play a role. I don't know what changed, have been told I'm very fertile it just isn't happening. It breaks my heart

when he finds out it will be devastating for him. Better to tell him the truth while he is young.

I worry my son is going to end up with issues

My hope was that I'd at least get married. I'd be extremely happy with a husband and a pet. I only ever wanted to adopt if I did have kids. Raising kids would probably be impossible. And listen, I'm only 21. I don't have all my health answers yet. 15+ conditions and so many things yet to be diagnosed, those treatments to try. But I've never dated, never met anyone I wanted to. My life has been living hell in many ways. I've been bedbound for 3 years with inadequate medical care. It won't improve anytime soon. I fear I may die. I can't keep close relationships. I can hardly move or think. So although it's my dream to get married, and I'm going to work hard to get better for whoever he might be, I'm not very optimistic I'll be able to. 🙃

None of my doctors have told me I can't have kids. But after 2 yrs of malnourishment and barely being able to keep myself out of the hospital. I'm just starting to regain a lot of things I lost. I've had to explain to my partner that I won't be able to have his kids bc I can't ever stop the meds I'm on. I also don't know if I'll have another flair up if my body is too stressed. I've always wanted kids of my own and this realization is crushing.

Yes. Type 1 diabetic here. Makes it more difficult. Never been able to conceive yet and even when I do it'll be high risk the whole time.

I want to have kids some day and it motivates me to get my mental health struggles under control and understand them enough to help my potential children work through them.

If I would have known I was getting this and my children have a 50/50 chance of getting it too, I may not have had children. It's hard and I don't want them to feel this.

I want to have a family and kids for my own kinda life goals but because of my symptoms and also other preferences I feel like i would have to add some live in friends as well as be happily married to feel like there would be enough fall backs so no one would get burnt out

I have two children I was healthy and so were my kids until my son got sick around 12 years old every dr. Kept saying it was anxiety I finally found a dr. Who ran the right tests turns out he has Crohn’s disease.he is on Remicade infusions and he is in remission.My daughter started getting tons of headaches and vulva pain and I started Getting the same pains 15 dr.s later doing my own research and found The f/m test and we both have fibromyalgia.My poor husband has to take care of all of us. Its the worst thing in the world seeing your kids so sick and knowing its all my fault I gave this to them 😭😭😭😭😭😏

I wish that I had understood that nature is much stronger than nature. Me & my daughter's father have issues that I thought that being in a loving home could change. I was wrong. My daughter is a lot like her father and has my ADD. I feel bad that she struggles with that but her other issues are of her own making due to having the same immaturity we had and the secretive, stubborn nature of her dad. Also, getting so sick when she 10, showed her my weakness and she has issues, with me. I am writing about this b/c I hope that anyone considering having children, know that genetics are a strong predicter of what your child will be like. You might have one that doesn't get any of the "bad" stuff and one that has them all. It's a throw of the dice. If you are with someone who has "bad" traits or genetic illness and decide to have children with them, those traits may manifest and there isn't much you can do about it. If you're willing to accept those traits, like addiction, mental illness or physical disabilities, that's fine. I hope that you have a supportive partner or family, because you'll need help. I didn't and I believe that being stressed out for so long caused me to become chronically ill. I loved my daughter more than myself and worked hard to provide everything she needed. Her father died when she was 4 yo & left us nothing. My parents were already gone when she was born. If my mom had been alive to help, I think things would have turned out differently,even with the stuff she inherited. Having support with a chronic illness is a blessing. Raising children is hard work and going it alone might be ok for healthy people with good financial resources. If you feel unfulfilled without a child, I wish you lots of support, so you can enjoy being a parent. It is all give, when they're children and it can become exhausting, at times. Hopefully, you'll get a easy kid.👍

I didn't have a plan for when family falsely accuses you of neglect now I'm unable to see my kids cause my family has them and won't let me see them and have no lawyer

Don't want kids so that's not affected. I strongly dislike children. My biological job may be to reproduce, but nobody should EXPECT that out if anyone. It's unfair. It's my body and my life. Depression and my physical dystopia affect my relationships though. It really is my own personal hell. Can't make progress when you're being destroyed from the inside out.

I won't have kids. I won't do this to them. Not to mention, I don't think I could be a good parent to a baby/small child. I'm too disabled, I get irritated too easily, the triggers for my anger issues are normal small child behavior... Nope. I plan to adopt older children, though.

i never want to have kids. i will damn myself to hell for eternity if i pass down such conditions to my child, or influence such mental conditions. never will i do that. ever.

Everything is affected. I wear earplugs almost 24/7 because I quite literally cannot function at all without them. It changes how my parents behave around me just so I can focus on communication. The changes are welcome even if the reasons why they occured are not great.

I don't want kids. Just a personal thing outside of my conditions but if I ever want kids they can't be mine because of my conditions because I don't want them to suffer like I have

I have a lot of gyno problems and was told the likelihood of having a successful pregnancy was low. If I can, it would be a high risk pregnancy. My boyfriend was adopted and he doesn’t care for the process but I feel as though being a mother is my calling so I will do whatever it takes. ❤️

I dont even know if I can get pregnant.

Is it not the best decision to have biological kids when both you (have several mental health diagnoses) and your partner (has one) have mental health issues? I really want kids but if that means giving them really bad mental health then there’s no point

It wouldn't be safe for me to give birth, plus still borns and miscarriages are very common in my family. So I decided that I'll adopt in the future, older kids as well.

It didn't. I paid twice the attention, gave twice the love and produced two amazing and caring kids on3 a teen and one a young adult.

I'm never having kids. I don't want them, they are too much for my mental health. Too stressful. And I want my family line to end lmao horrible toxic abusive family full of abusers. It needs to end

I think the main issue I would mainly have is probably my anxiety, and a husband. I wish to be a wife and a mom someday. It's one of my dreams! I am just so afraid of my children going through what I went through when I was growing up. I just hope I'll be more responsible and emotionally there for my kids since my parents were not there for me at all. Plus, I hope that I would have an amazing partner too because again, I didn't have my parents around when I was growing up until I was in my late teens.

I would just sewing

I really want kids but I am so scared of them getting any of my problems. I dont want to watch another person go through what I am. So I think about adopting but that also brings up the question of if I would be a good parent. I have chronic migraines, so on bad days I really can't stand noise or get out of bed. A child needs a level of care im worried I won't be able to gi e on those days.

I don't ever want to procreate, ever. My conditions aren't the only factor, but they're a big one.

I have 2 kids, divorced. I can't hold a job longer than 1 year. I seem to struggle in ways I don't understand fully that have nothing to do with bad attitude or me as a human. Thankfully I have an X spouse who is stable and rejoices in my down falls. I have not Falken into addictions and sm treated like a junky or criminal when it comes to my ability to parent from the kids dad & family. Regardless I push ahead. I am exhausted emotionally. If it was not for my kids I would have given up long ago.

For me it's pcos and anxiety of having a child like how it would feel

I have several conditions from skin lupus to several issues with my back which prevent me from doing a lot of things with my family. Summertime I live like a vampire. Walking most times takes effort, always in pain and a lot of times my hips will go to sleep or go numb and it's easy for me to fall. I can sneeze and my back goes out.

I don't plan to have any biological kids because of my health issues. 😥😥😥

They haven't really. I am 45 and never wanted children and never had any. B

I think so. I have something called DiGeorge Syndrome which can affect my heart, spine, hearing, and learning disabilities. I would love to have kids of my own one day. But at the same time, i don't want my children to suffer what I've suffered through my entire life. Any advice?

It’s made it harder for me to have children but also I started therapy and fighting for my health so I can start a family.

I can't have children biologically and now I'm not allowed to adopt because schizophrenia is "dangerous"

Because of going through central precocious puberty at the age of 9 years old, my growth was stunted. I then became stuck at or between 4'7.7" & 4'8.2" and my organs are a bit smaller and that has caused it to be hard for my boyfriend and I since I have to see my OBGYN and my surgeon a lot to make sure I don't have any bad issues like cancer pop up on or in my uterus. It's just really hard that I have to wait years for them to start the whole examination process from both the OBGYN and surgeon in order to then be given the go ahead, so I don't risk my own life or put my own life on the line.

Having read all these comments, please allow me, as mother of three grown children to give my take on all your comments. I think it’s refreshing to see people who think through their decision to have children. But I’ve had some experience with each of these scenarios. Addressing the decision to have or not to have children: children are exceedingly resilient, they can adapt to situations and grow to responsible adults. Sure everything is not perfect but if they are loved beyond measure, that is the most important thing parents can give a child. Adoption:how wonderful to give a child loving parents that they would never have had if not adopted. Challenges are there also. We have an adopted granddaughter and we love her so much. She does have some issues however. She was adopted when she was 5. She is from China and was not wanted because she was a girl. My daughter in law has unbelievable patience and she is so loved by my son and DIL. We’re so thank for her. I saved foster parenting till last. Foster parenting is incredibly unselfish if you can face the challenges- and there could be many. If a child is in foster care, they come from a very bad background usually. The system always tries to place them back in their own homes if at all possible. If they can’t, then things were pretty bad. They need good and patient foster parents and bless those who can do it. I’ve also experienced foster parents who take babies or toddlers and when they have to give them up, they are often grieved- they have grown to love that child. Just somethings to think about. Sorry this is so long. Bless all of you who have decisions to make. Children are a blessing from God no matter what the circumstances , they deserve to be loved.

I will never have kids because why would I curse someone I love with all my genetic messes

I would like to have childern. But I fear for the repercussions of having biological children for both my body and the child's. But I also know that I probably wouldn't pass the exams to be able to adopt, so if I wish to have my family I will have to risk my health, or come to terms with I won't have the ability to raise a family like I want.

my whole family just brings out the worse in me and my mental health pretty sure they hate me lol

I developed severe C-Ptsd after my 6 year old son passed away. Every since (nearly six years ago) my periods have refused to regulate. My stress is always so high and it feels like most of the time I just bearly get through the day. My husband and I want another child so much and it is so unfair.

Don’t want kids. Never have wanted kids. Would volunteer for a hysterectomy if that was like, an easy thing to do if that phrase makes sense at all

My heart condition has made planning difficult for my husband and me And on top of that he's not ready Which I understand but I get times when I just want to have a child Because I'm afraid that that may never get to happen with how many things I have going on with my health

I'm a stepmom to four wonderful kids we realize very early on in our relationship that it would be very dangerous for me to have a pregnancy and with his four kids they were enough. Three of them truly see me as their mother.

Cant do long car rides on busy streets or hotels or crowded places , i normally end up getting left out and go do my own thing .

I plan on adopting, birthing kids simply isn't an option for so many reasons.

I've always told myself and others that I would never have kids on my own because I 'hate children', but really I'm just afraid to pass on my illnesses onto my future kids. I never want them to feel as alone, anxious, or suicidal as I have felt, but sometimes I just wish I could have little ones. I'm just so afraid I'll ruin them by giving them my MDD.

I'm scared of passing down my conditions. I'm also scared of the whole pregnancy and birthing process killing me.

Sorry. Having a cat or dog can always be an alternative

I need my medicine and cannot go 9 months without it. Fear of the medicine causing a miscarriage, still born or leave the baby horribly deformed.

I had my first child before my many of my conditions were diagnosed. I want me kids, but I am not sure if they will be biologically mine

I feel like in some ways it's a little hard for me because I truly belive one of my purposes in life is to be a parent, but at the same time I feel like I have so many Road blocks in my way and it gets overwhelming sometimes.

My partner has POTS and has decided to not have children because it's so severe for them and the possibility of passing it on to their children is far too high. But this wasn't an issue for me because I've always wanted to adopt. Also I'm trans so I don't really want to have biological children either

I wanted 5 kids my whole life. Then I got sick and now I can't have them. And even if I could I'm too terrified the father and I would pass on our illnesses

In the case of me and my partner I let him know very early on that most of my conditions are hereditary and if we do decide to have biological children one day there is a chance that they could develop some of the same conditions that I do. I was very blunt too, I looked him in the eyes and said “I want you to know that if this goes further and we want children down the road they could be autistic or have bpd or arrhythmia’s like I do” surprisingly he was very supportive and said that didn’t change anything in his eyes. Secretly I hope if we do have children that they’ll be nothing like me

With type 1 diabetes pregnancy can be dangerous. I would love to have a family someday but with as bad as my diabetes has been over the years I might not be able to have biological children. It breaks my heart and I'm working hard to get to a place where I feel I'm healthy enough to have a baby but there's a lot of anxiety around that because I just might not be able to conceive.

I didn't want kids to begin with. but now, due to my conditions, my decision has since become more solidified.

I have always said I don't want kids, but now that the doctors and other people are agreeing, I want kids so bad! Idk if it's my spiteful nature or what, but I'm bummed that I don't feel right having biological kids.

I can no longer have children. Last year I had a hysterectomy at the age of 31 due to the finding of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix and I'm a high-risk for endometriosis (my mum has stage 4 endometriosis). My pre-cancerous cells did not go away on their own and stayed the same, so I became a ticking time bomb. Did a shaving of the area but it came back. My blood work was concerning as well. Gyno was concerned and talked to me about the possibility of having a hysterectomy. Went through the hysterectomy obviously and am here today. But even before all of that happened, my fiance and I decided we weren't going to pursue biological children due to the fact both of us have some of the same diagnoses which doubles the chances of passing. We wouldn't want anyone-child or adult to have what we have. If we can stop it then we will. Plus, my fiance and I probably wouldn't have the patience and money if I'm being totally honest here to give to a biological child or an adoptive child at this point in our lives. There are days where I can't take care of myself so how am supposed to care for a child? We've made the decision not to have children before my surgery was even an option and we still say to this day that we don't have the means. If ever down the line we achieve the means and decide we want children, then we would opt for adoption. My fiance and I both agree it's not in our cards to have children but instead we have a fur baby who's just as spoiled as a human child.

Because of my family's history with mental and physical illness I have decided not to have my own bio children. Part of me feels its unfair of me to bring biological kids into this world knowing they will deal with same issues and illness I have. But at the same time I want kids. So I am looking into adopting or fostering ❤️

I have severe tokophobia so it's a no for me at least to carry a child myself. I've considered IVF surrogacy and/or adoption but right now it's not a financial possibility so I'm content with having my IUD for the time being. I've always had a passion since teenhood to be a foster parent for children ages 8+ and be that salvation from the abusive and corrupt system. My primary partner wants to have at least 2 bio children... I'm open to it as long as I'm not the one to carry, so whenever that time comes it's definitely going to have to be IVF surrogacy. I am very paranoid about passing on my cursed genes since I myself am very ill and my family history is also extensive... It's just a lot to think about, but being that I'm 23 I have (presumably) plenty of time to think and research my options.

I really want to have kids of my own. But I cant right now because i need to heal more emotionally, and would want to be off my current medication, as it can cause birth defects. But currently those meds are making possible to exist and function

I never have the energy for trips and I have panic attacks if I'm overly uncomfortable in any gatherings 😥

there’s a lot of insecurity built in me about my ability to do anything so i feel like having a child would be wrong of me. there’s also the side of me wanting me to keep my money for myself because ive never had a financially stable household.

Sometimes I want to have a kid biologically, but we have decided to adopt, due to the health risks. I have had people try to talk me into having kids biologically and tell me it will actually improve my health, not harm me. It made me so mad because its not their place to say, their opinion was unsolicited, and they don't know all my health issues.

I still want to have kids, and I would like at least one to be biological, which is why I plan to freeze eggs before starting HRT, but I wouldn’t be upset if I only ended up adopting, or if my partner was the only biological parent. I do know that I want to wait a long after getting married to have kids. We need to know without a doubt that we have the tools together to raise a child while still supporting each other. My parents divorced at a young age and hated each other for most of my life, so that’s the most important thing for me.

I wasn't sure I would be able to conceive due the chemo I had as a child, but then I miraculously got pregnant and the pregnancy caused more issues to my health. (But I wouldn't change having my son)

I was told at 18yo(1984) by the Dr who told me i had the kidney disease that runs in my family, that i had to decide right then if ihad the right to pass this on. He turned to my Twin Sister and said she didn't have the kidney Disease and she couldn't give it to her children so she was safe to have children. I am the only person in my family that likes kids. I was working with preschoolers at that point and i went to Nanny School when i was 19. I decided then that I would not pass my genes on. Sadly the "good" Dr was wrong and my sister also had KPD. Her Daughter is 30 she has about 12-15 years before dialysis . My sister passed away, it will be 8 years in September. I have been blessed to be part of many wonderful children's lives over the years at 56 and on Dialysis 21 hours a week i Nanny for teenagers 15-25 hours a week. It is much easier since the 16 yo is taller than i am and can reach things i cant and if i am baking he is willing to haul the kitchen aid mixer out of the closet for me. So no i have not had my own but i am lucky in the children in my life

I'm not sure

I don't know if I'll be able to have more kids. I hate thinking about that. I'm not even close to okay enough to consider it though,so I try not to. Hurts too much.