The Alike Team

372d

How have your conditions affected your family planning?

Low Mood

Fibromyalgia (FM)

Chronic Generalized pain

Depression

Female Infertility of unspecified origin

Asthma

Generalized pain

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Diabetes Type 2 (T2D)

Chronic Irritability and Anger

Gastrointestinal Hemorrhage (GIB)

Lethargy

Migraine

Nausea and Vomiting

Coagulation Defects

Acute Anxiety

View all
Top reply
    • Tracks

      193d

      My whole life. Partially for personal reasons. Others for reasons, the damn US government with benefits for disabled if they get married.

    • katybug31

      372d

      I can't have kids cause of my liver transplant

      12

      • LouTracy

        372d

        @katybug31 I'm so sorry.

      • Oz_Girl

        372d

        @katybug31 im so sorry.

      • Natdacat

        372d

        @katybug31 so sorry girl!!!💕

      • Alliekatt

        365d

        @katybug31 I'm not sure (and neither is my gyno) of why I can't, but I feel your pain and am so sorry.

        • StormiBella

          355d

          @Alliekatt so sorry, much love to you.💕

      • saksgirl02

        363d

        @katybug31 so sorry

      • StormiBella

        355d

        @katybug31 I'm sorry. Much love to you.❤️

      • Justice2010

        351d

        @katybug31 i am so sorry 😥

    • Crazycatlady100

      372d

      I have made it on many occasions that the entire family misses out on things because I didn't want to go.

      • Darren

        363d

        @Crazycatlady100 I have been the cause of that many times. Always having surgeries during spring break or summertime and can’t take my family to do anything fun, but then feel like crap when they go with friends to ballgames or vacations.

      • Deb3

        291d

        @Crazycatlady100 My husband has gotten used to going on outings, dinners with friends and family get togethers alone because I’m never well enough to go. I’m so glad he does, but I’m so secluded now and missing out on interactions with the people I care about and would love to spend time with.

    • Plettuce

      372d

      I think I speak for a lot of people when I say I made the decision some time ago to not have biological kids due to my conditions. There are many other ways to build a family such as adoption.

      138

      • Jonas

        372d

        @Plettuce Same boat. This cursed bloodline dies with me.

        65

        • Kat.Wilder

          371d

          @Jonas YES OMG

          21

        • AndThereSheGoes

          368d

          @Jonas I'm taking that as a joke, and I think it's quite cheeky 👍

        • somebodysomeone

          364d

          @Jonas ^this. Not to mention I am WAAAAY to impatient to have kids.

        • Iwantkoreanhotdogs

          321d

          @Jonas love that.

        • aevyn

          285d

          @Jonas yup. Especially because there is not enough know about some of my conditions to know if they are environmental or genetic. Not worth the risk.

      • Bridgette

        367d

        @Plettuce same but with adoption you will then have no clue about there genetics so your going to have to see if they have any mental illness. Plus u definitely may have to have the your adopted talk. But I do agree kids are already here that need love so why not love them.🤗💕

        • Chrissyposi

          333d

          @Bridgette you will 100% have to explain that the child is adopted. This is coming from an adoptee, The longer you wait the worse it is for them in the future. I was told the second I was old enough to comprehend (5-6)

      • Meggy2327

        367d

        @Plettuce absolutely!

      • TrixNY

        366d

        @Plettuce same. I met my husband later in life and by the time we were ttc my lupus had progressed enough to be a major concern and I was over 40. I live in nyc and there were only 3 docs that were willing to take me on as such a high risk patient. Made me realize even if I managed to have the baby (instead of miscarriage) I might not be able to care for it physically. We are looking into adoption and fostering, and yes I am relieved I won’t pass on these crappy genes to anyone else 🙏

        • draginfly

          359d

          @TrixNY I have an 8 year old son, I'm almost 50, and it's hard when I wake up sick every morning, have to lay his clothes out the night before in case I'm sick and soaking in the bath tub when he's supposed to be getting out the door for school. It's a struggle, but the joy of loving him is incredible and I'm grateful I can do the things I can.

      • teiovex

        365d

        @Plettuce absolutely same. I’m also transgender so biological children would have been out the door for me either way.

      • Kashyyyk

        362d

        @Plettuce same here. I wanted kids more than anything. Then out of nowhere I got sick. I don’t know if I will pass what I have to my kids, and there’s no way I’d ever want anyone to go through whatever I have (waiting on diagnosis). Also, with how weak and sick I am, I believe pregnancy would kill or at the very least hospitalize me. My dreams have changed to one day fostering or adopting a child in need of help

      • NoraLeigh

        358d

        @Plettuce my BIL is like that

      • StormiBella

        355d

        @Plettuce not that I don't cherish my kids, but my biggest fear for them is they could inherit this mental health crap. That's the last damn thing i want for them. It scares so much.

        • Believe

          310d

          @StormiBella I totally get that. I have mental health issues but I have three grown children and it did take a toll on them. I have much guilt over things they had to endure growing up. But, somehow they turned out to be responsible adults and good parents themselves. I love them with all my heart and couldn’t say I wouldn’t have children to do over again. But had I known what I now know, I would give long pause to think about doing it again. I can’t be objective now on that decision having three that I love so dearly.

      • ProbablyKay

        352d

        @Plettuce I don't want to create disabled children to suffer in a world where they can't be understood and will always be exploited. My newest SO has Autism+ADD and I have ADHD and we both decided that if we adopt, we can help a kid in the corrupt system rather than doom another life with our problems.

      • Teli

        351d

        @Plettuce same, no one should have to go through a chronic illness if it can be prevented/realized

      • EatenByWormy

        350d

        @Plettuce Adoption should be about what’s best for the child, not about building a family. Usually the goal is to keep families together but it’s not applied in a fair or equitable way. Children of color represent a disproportionate number of foster kids. I don’t want to sound super negative, there’s nothing wrong with adoption- if a child has no parents, they should be able to have parents absolutely- but the focus should be the kid.

        • Chrissyposi

          333d

          @EatenByWormy yes thank you for saying this -adoptee 💕

      • Spottie

        339d

        @Plettuce : me too! I am 41 with no kids. I don’t want to bring children into this world with NF. I was bully, picked on, etc at school for my nf. I don’t need another child going through the same.

      • Chrissyposi

        333d

        @Plettuce yes that’s a great alternative but as an adoptee please stay away from privatized adoption/adoption fairs. Its so messed up and wrong.

      • kc123

        329d

        @Plettuce yes!!!

      • Desertflower71

        316d

        @Plettuce Not having biological children, does not mean an adopted child will be "perfect", and not have any health issues. Even an adopted child raised by a parent with a mental illness for ex, could still grow up with a mental illness. It isn't just about genetics, but how a child is raised, the environment, people surrounding the child, etc...if it is a medical illness, an adopted child could have someone in their biological family with past medical history that could show up later in life. If you want to adopt that is completely your choice, but no matter whether the child is biological or adopted, he/she is not going to be "perfect" without health issues. ALL HUE-man beings have health issues in one form or another. No one is completely healthy due to chemtrails, flouride in the water (neurtoxin), chemicals that cause cancer in everyday products, and vaccines that are not necessary, but instead it damages/destroys our immune systems. Adoption does not have to be the only way to have a family. No matter what you choose to do, make sure it is one you can live with. Shalom

      • SA65

        311d

        @Plettuce what specifically brought you to that decision and how long did it take you to decide this

      • tattooedlizardlady

        306d

        @Plettuce this. I will not risk passing my daily agony on to a child.

    • DoggyLover

      372d

      sometimes i wonder if it’s child abuse to give someone my genes, especially when i can just adopt 💖

      34

      • Shebear13

        323d

        @DoggyLover I agree with that thought but I was young and dumb and did it anyway. I didn't know much about mental health it was allowed to discuss feelings

    • robb

      372d

      I have 5 boys...1 has ss...4 has the trait.

    • Mikala

      372d

      I had kids before I got sick. It’s was a challenge but they are all grown now.

      17

      • Natdacat

        372d

        @Mikala same here! My fibromyalgia didn't really show up until after my second child!

      • Shebear13

        323d

        @Mikala mine too thank God, I love them all but I am exhausted all the time now.

    • Jenn551

      372d

      My bf and I have been ttc for a year now and I recently had a chemical pregnancy. I was so excited because we're about to close on our house and the timing just seemed perfect and Ive been devestated about the loss. Between the stress and the sadness and the recent change with my meds (adding a mood stabilizer), Im so emotionally drained and its got me questioning whether or not i can handle being a parent if I cant even handle everything going on. Its so hard not to give up.😥

      13

      • ThorMama

        362d

        @Jenn551 If having a biological child is in your dreams. I say go for it. As long as you have the support system you can do anything! TTC is exhausting. It puts pressure on you both. When you get your rainbow baby it will ease the pain of your loss. Its okay to grieve the loss of your 1st pregnancy. Im so sorry you went through that. I checked out your page and it says you are on Lamictal. I just want to warn you. It can cause Clift lip and Clift palette. I just want you to be informed to make whatever discussion thats best for your family. We are getting ready to start TTC. 6 months on prenatals and to ween off the Lamictal. Then take my BC out of my arm. I hope what I said comes with some comfort. Sorry if this was really long. This is my first time making a comment. I wish you all the best in TTC. 🤗

    • Gidgetmom

      372d

      I worry about my youngest. She looks like me and is built like me. Her migraines and neck issues started in her early 20s. Mine in my early 40s. I am being looked at for Anklosing Spondylitis. It terrifies me for her.

      13

      • Msgicheyaya

        321d

        @Gidgetmom I hear that 🤗. My daughter 24 the last year or so she has starting to get a lot of issues. At one point they thought she had Fibro and it was like a knife to my heart. If anything or anyone I wanted my only daughter to be healthy. She is in Grad school and working and it has been very difficult for her. If you want to give someone with a chronic illness the ultimate pain is to have their love one suffer with what they have as well. Sending gentle hugs 🤗.

    • Sarajessica

      372d

      ❤️😥

    • PeggyJean

      372d

      🤗

    • Mirage13

      372d

      I used to really want children, to conceive them especially. I've done well enough to manage my health for several years now, but my reality has been flipped upside down the last few, especially the last few months. The more I'm diagnosed with, the more I feel I just can't. Not because my conditions would make me a "bad parent"; there are so many people that lead decent lives that work for them. I want to ensure that when my spouse and I share a life with a child, that it's as good as could be. Sadly if that were to be now or any time soon, I don't believe it would be in the best interest. I recognize things won't ever be perfect, but there's a lot to take care of for the foreseeable future. We won't completely resign ourselves to not having kids. Maybe we'll be parents later, albeit older. Still, it's been a struggle going from one end of the spectrum to the complete opposite.

      15

      • KeiC

        371d

        @Mirage13 I hear you, hang in there 💕

        • Mirage13

          370d

          @KeiC Thank you 🖤

      • AndThereSheGoes

        368d

        @Mirage13 It's very wise of you to take this measured approach without letting emotions rule you. No matter the outcome, you should be proud of how well you see the situation.

      • EatenByWormy

        350d

        @Mirage13 solidarity 💕

    • NanN

      372d

      I knew from an early age that I would not be able to have children. The conditions I have are the kind that I wasn't even supposed to live into my teen years. Dozens of major surgeries, high susceptibility to infection, residual damage, and constant pain are some of the reasons I just stay in my house. I don't date, it's so taxing on me, and I don't want to impose that on someone else. Years later I found out from my endocrinologist that if I ever was even able to get pregnant, renal hypertension would kill me and my baby within the first trimester. I have accepted all of that, and it doesn't get me down anymore. I chose a career where I could work in the medical field, and help a lot of people. When my illnesses became too severe for me to even work at all, which has been over 12 years, I just have to be thankful for the good days, and power through the bad ones. The phrase "it is what it is" pretty much describes my life. However, I have not chosen to give up. Yes, I have long bouts of depression, but I come out of those. There have been too many miracles happen for me to "give up". If you look for the blessings and the miracles in your tragedies and trials, you WILL find them. 🙏 God bless us all.

      16

      • FaithKay

        367d

        @NanN Sounds like you've been through alot. Your right there are miracles and blessings when we let go and let God. He has a purpose why your even thinking about all of this.. Finding out what God wants is my question these days. We can be full and complete if we are seeking after what he wants.Doctors only know so much they don't function in the world of faith like we do. My kids are adults. I lost a child by miscarriage 20 yrs ago. I am gonna consider foreign exchange students I think. Foster care as been on my mind along time. Maybe I will take in a teen or young adult with a disability. I was very ill last year and now I am feeling better. Not all the way but much happier and on my way.This is a important topic for sure. We have much in common. I've lived in home dealing with pain and depression for years. Like you I want to be where I'm needed. God has a specific purpose for you. He will give you what you need to be able to do it. Often when I'm helping others my pain goes away. He is faithful. I believe if we are open he will direct and guide us to where we need to go. The right person and timing. Praying for you that God opens a door to bring that change and fulfillment you need.❤️

        • Desertflower71

          316d

          @FaithKay God is a teutonic pagan title; a Babylonian deity of FORTUNE/LUCK; a Babylonian idol aka ba'al. The NAME of the CREATOR is YaHU'aH (pronounced Yahoo-ah). He is not a God. He is my AL'UAH (MIGHTY ONE). God/Lord=ha'SATAN. Jesus is the ANTI-MASCHIACH (anti-messiah). Religion, and I mean ALL RELIGIONS are from DEMONS. They ALL came from CHRISTIANITY=MYSTERY BABYLON. I know that many will not want to here this, but I must speak the TRUTH. I pray that you will seek YaHU'aH while He may be found. Shalom 🕊🌺

          -1

    • alienbaby

      372d

      Oh my goodness this is such a big question I still haven't found an answer to. I've wanted to have biological kids but I'm not sure if my body could handle it (especially with a bleeding/blood clotting disorder and lupus.) I'm happy to adopt but worry about my fatigue. TW: i talk about ableism. But I think it's a larger question that involves ableism. For example, Im pro-choice but there are still a lot of people who wish not to have babies with certain conditions such as down syndrome, autism, etc and that feels a bit like... eugenics? You know what I mean? It's a fine line, because it's not like disabled people don't deserve to be here--its just the life we would be bringing them into has really bad support and care. But that's for any child as well, we have to think about how to change conditions like climate change and policies 😥

      • WidgetArt

        371d

        @alienbaby Exactly! You said it so well! I think if we had better support for people with disabilities and parents of children with disabilities it would be so different. I've struggled with trying to conceive and am worried that even if I can will I be able to keep up with the baby because of my condition.

    • LabRatMama

      372d

      One of my conditions is infertility, so my family planning has been affected pretty profoundly.

    • lillypod21

      372d

      When I was younger I wanted kids. But as I grew up and basically had a rough childhood and teenagehood I decided I wanted no kids. And I found a person that wanted no kids too and with all the issues I have it wouldn't be fair to pass down the genes I have to the next generation and with mental health illness I have it wouldn't be fair to the child I could have to be like in and out of a mental health place because I'm not stable enough. And then with my diabetes and other genetic things I have, I dont want that child to have and potentially passing it to her as a baby I rather not. I could adopt. But with my unique relationship I have plenty of times to babysit and be around kids so I don't need biological kids. I also have 3 wonderful nephews. 1 I get to talk to all the time. 2 I get to talk few times a year. And I am sure my other siblings will have kids when they are ready. So I am good. It hasn't affected me as much.

    • ZebraAtLaw

      372d

      I want to adopt, but I would love to have a baby and I worry about the ethics of infant adoption

    • MelissaLB

      372d

      Luckily, I had my daughter before I had my second manic episode. In college I had my first episode, and I probably should have been diagnosed then. I went years before I had the right doctor who intervened, and it was after I had her.

      • SunnyL

        313d

        @MelissaLB Do you have bipolar 1 or 2? How are you fairing now?

    • Nat_Nat

      372d

      I barely think I'm going to be able to have a long term relationship, in part because of my chronic illness. Having a child when I could potential pass my condition onto them congenitally or just sentencing them to have a sick parent is too much for me to bare. No kids for me unless something huge changes.

    • Deathfuffy

      372d

      My whole family is messed up genetic wise. So having kids that were different wasn’t a problem in my life. My oldest has severe adhd, a few speech disorders, and is mentally 3 to 4 years younger than her age. The next one has poor eye sight just like her aunt. One got the common cold at 3 days old and now has a compermised immune system and severe asthma. The four was born blind for the first 5 months but now is perfectly health. The last will be here in august. I love that my family is different. I did get them all genetic testing young and they don’t seem to have any markers that other family members have but even me and my brother and sister are so vast in our health problems. So it could be anything.

    • Waterlemon

      372d

      i’ve always said I’m far too tired to have any kids of my own. nearly everybody has told me that, at 18, they didn’t want kids either and that I’ll almost definitely change my mind someday.

    • Emilieparker2

      372d

      I decided too have kids but I don't think I could physically carry another it made my Eds and chronic nausea worse but my daughter was worth it

    • 100Percent_K

      372d

      My partner and I are going to start trying in the next couple years for a baby, but if I can’t conceive by 30/31 I’ll be having a hysterectomy. He’s accepted that there’s a possibility of no kids, but we both would at least like to give it a try

    • gatsby

      371d

      I have mild rett syndrome and have been told that if I have kids in the future I could pass it down to them.

    • Kat.Wilder

      371d

      I currently don’t have the endurance to have a job, go to school full time, stay at family events. I know that I’ll want kids eventually, but I don’t have the energy for such a commitment. I hope that one day I’ll be well enough to foster though

    • livvie361

      371d

      My conditions have caused hospital and doctor bills so high my bf doesn't want to have a kid until a lot of it is taken care of. I'll also need to find alternate meds if I try, since I'm pretty sure my pain medicine, antidepressants and anxiety and bipolar meds can't be taken if I'm trying

      • FaithKay

        367d

        @livvie361 There are many options I've learned myself that are so much better then prescription drugs. I went off over 10 in the last few months. Eating clean and making the right choices to speak life to this body has been awesome.It can be done. I'm a different person then 2 months ago. We are much stronger then we are aware of I believe. Changing my eating and what I put in my body has been like getting a new lease on life. I live by faith now no longer fear. Anything is possible. I haven't worked in 20yrs. I've had a aide for 2 years cuz I was so sick. Now I'm getting a job to be a aide to a young lady who was hit by a car and has brain damage. I am co sidering taking a younger person in with a disability for work and to feel useful.

    • Elise_Laura

      371d

      I’m afraid to ever become a parent unless I get well.

    • Johnea

      371d

      I full on placed my first born (& only child to date) into adoption bc I was mentally immature and delayed because of my metal illness. Actually, to say it out loud for the first time ever, my mental illness and substance use history are largely the reason I chose to place her. I realized, I just couldn't a the age of 21. Even though some in my family thought I copped out and used it as an excuse..... I put my wants of being an actual mom to the side to give Gwendolyn the best life possibily could. And the last thing I was able to do was be a parent, bc of my brain. So I made my choice. And in my birth plan it said, upon placement do full psychiatric scan and behavioral health questions to determine if [I] need hospitalization. Fun fact: I was actually stronger than I was prepared for. 💕

    • Perial

      371d

      I was undiagnosed when I had my first kid and it literally almost killed me. Since then I've learned a lot about my body and know that EDS is likely what caused my complications. I'm definitely not confident in my ability to go through it again, even though I do want another baby.

    • skinny

      371d

      I feel like I can't do anything right for anyone

    • nk31784

      371d

      I have PCOS, SLE and Fibromyalgia, and history of Epilepsy. I tried to get pregnant and did once after 6 years trying only to loose it super early. When i lost it I said no more I don't want to pass this on to anyone.

    • Crabby279

      371d

      Years ago, pre-marriage, I was steadfast in the notion that if I ever met "the one" we would focus on adoption. This was early on in my autoimmune journey and I wasn't with anyone. Fast forward to meeting the man who has become my best friend, my other half, and I listened to his desire to at least try. We knew going into it that it would not be slam dunk for us as I was older. Two years ago, we had a miscarriage. It took months for anyone to listen to me. In the interim, I began having flares of my conditions. I had to stop working as a result. On oxygen, and now I'm getting evaluated for a double lung transplant. So, we're back to the adoption option...but we can't really start that until we have our own home. Meanwhile neither of us is getting any younger...43 in July for me. My husband just turned 52 in January.

    • pandamoniuMS

      371d

      that's how I feel about it... With my MS - no one knows how long I'll remain mobile, coherent, able, hell even nourished enough to live regular life. If I had children, how long would I be able to participate in their lives? Would childbirth cause to me what it did to Selma Blair? In that case - my businesses wouldn't be very successful...therefore my income would deplete. I'd be helpless with a helpless little baby & just unabled.

    • jaxx666

      371d

      I am only 18 and don't have kids yet but I do think about this but I feel afraid that my mom finding out that I have a kid that she is going to try to find me and mistreat my kid just like she abused and all honesty I hope that doesn't happen because my kid don't deserve that and they don't deserve to be with out a mother because I would be in jail if that bitch ever tried to do anything to my kid

    • Stephanieawtrey80

      370d

      I'm very sorry maybe you can try to adopt children not the same as having your own but alot of ppl do adopt children o will be praying for you sweetie

      -1

    • Sazabeth

      370d

      I was raised by a bipolar mother and just had a baby girl. My mother never got treatment and to this day denies being bipolar despite being diagnosed (and it being incredibly obvious). If my daughter inherits my issues, I hope I can show an example of embracing the difficult parts of myself and my life and give her the support and education she needs to live with and overcome it. It's so hard to think of her having to go through some of this but I hope I will be able to teach her how to manage it and be more sensitive to and loving of the people she meets and what they may be struggling with.

    • Mel9515

      370d

      my fibro didn't show till I found out about my 3rd baby. I love my bugs but If I would have known sooner. I would have never had kids

    • sprite

      370d

      I want kids so badly, but I struggle with my mental health and I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I feel stable enough to have children. At the point I'm at now, I can't even hold a job. And if I do reach that stability, I don't know that I want to have biological children. My anxiety has made me terrified of pain, which means I'm terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. And I don't want to pass along my mental illness.

    • LilG

      370d

      I can't go off of my meds to have kids, and I can't have kids on my meds. It's terrible.

    • a.most.peculiar.girl

      370d

      Between my physical and mental health concerns, I KNOW I'm doing a kindness by remaining childfree.

    • Maryslim

      370d

      I have a son, he has fibromyalgia, but it's not because of me. It's because he was the pick on kid in school. Every day he was abused by his classmates from 3rd grade until 9th grade. He even tried to kill himself 3 times.

      • Megsandpegs

        324d

        @Maryslim I'm sorry, that's terrible. He definitely needs some mental help.

    • Dad.of.Many

      370d

      We tried to have children trusting that God would give us healthy, happy kids. Turned out we couldn't have kids and we were devastated. After a while we became foster parents and fostered kids for 10 years. Over 100 kids came and went from our house during that time. We asked 11 to stay and we adopted them. I think God had that planned for us all along.

    • Dee364

      370d

      Yes.. I made the decision not to have kids many years ago. I'm happy with that

    • Milano1015385

      369d

      I've had an ex who got weirded out by my tourettes, didn't accept me for who I was, and worsened my mental health. I wanted to settle down with this person, but they didn't love me enough to do so. Like, if I didn't have all this stuff going on, who was I?

    • strawberrydog

      369d

      Always planned on adoption if I ever wanted children since I’ve been through multiple operations and don’t want to spend another minute in a hospital. My condition can also be passed through genes and I wouldn’t be able to mentally deal with going through that again. Plus there are thousands of kids in foster care that deserve loving homes.

    • JaxIsLame

      369d

      Well I'm gay sooooo

    • Belugabear

      369d

      I had a hysterectomy. I always wanted to adopt instead of having a biological child, but it really sucks not longer having the option

    • Boo2004

      369d

      I was on a huge disney trip when I hit rock bottom.

    • PlantsInMyLivingRoom

      369d

      I spent my whole childhood memorizing parenting tips from tv and babysitting and have always loved babies with all my heart and I've just waited to have kids but now I think it would be wrong if I ever had them bc I would most likely pass down my anxiety and depression and I just don't have the temper and patience for it anymore. I also just know that with anxiety, there is so much I won't be able to do for them and depression will keep me down a lot of days. They'll watch me fall apart all the time and I couldn't do that to a child

      • AndThereSheGoes

        368d

        @PlantsInMyLivingRoom Maybe you having depressive episodes will help the child learn compassion. Whatever your decision, it is the best for you. All I am saying is try not to assume an outcome for someone else's life. You could be the person they'd need.

        • PlantsInMyLivingRoom

          367d

          @AndThereSheGoes Thank you 🖤

    • spudlord

      369d

      I want to have a kid with my partner but I'm so scared I won't be able to take care of them because I'm disabled.

    • sadinsect

      369d

      I'm not.. the mom I could be. Not the mom I should be. My girl will be five in October. All the damn time, I'm telling myself I'm going to do better. But I could play more. Be more compassionate. Calm down a bit. I feel like everything I do is wrong, I feel always that she deserves better, but I love her more than anything, and I do t understand why I.. just.. can't.

      • AndThereSheGoes

        368d

        @sadinsect The best advice I ever got about parenting was "If you wonder if you're a good parent, you are already. Bad parents don't ask themselves that question."

      • Starlightie

        296d

        @sadinsect If you haven't seen bluey yet, watch the episode called baby race 💕

    • Bethiebaby

      368d

      It sent me into labor at 24 weeks (thankfully they stopped it), and then went into preclampsia, I had to be induced to protect him and I.

    • SJP

      368d

      I want kids, but having them biologically would most likely kill either me, them, or both. My conditions are causing me to lose myself, and to become this angry person that I'm not, so I am scared to even think about adopting if I'm this medically screwed up.

    • MsDaisyMae

      367d

      I had a chemical pregnancy years ago. I didn't tell my friend until last year. It was really sad. For now, I choose to take birth control to help with Endometriosis and refrain from intimacy.

    • reyna0525

      367d

      I completely understand I choose to have a hysterectomy when I was 38yrs old. Due to my conditions I could not take care of children.

    • fleshpit

      367d

      My symptoms didn't start until after I'd had 3 kids. They all have issues with pain.

    • Wolfy96

      367d

      Everyone doesn’t want me to have kids, but at the end of the day it’s my decision to have kids or not. Yes I may take medications to make me feel okay, but that won’t stop me from being the best mom ever when I do have kids.

    • BrandiCollins

      367d

      I tried off and on for 15 years to get pregnant. I had to come to terms with the limitations of my own body and realize that even if I did get pregnant it wouldn’t be realistic for me to carry. Now at 40, my husband and I created 4 embryos with the help of IVF. We are lucky to have insurance that covered much of the cost. My 22 year old niece has volunteered to be our surrogate. We plan to transfer within the next couple of months. I also considered my health limitations when thinking about my ability to care for a child. We felt comfortable moving forward with everything because my in laws have agreed to retire early and move here from India and live with us. My husband also works from home. We felt like that would be an adequate support system and they can pick up the slack on my challenging days.

    • Kendra363

      367d

      With my conditions I can barely get through a day taking care of myself, let alone another person.

    • SamWinters0

      367d

      I am still only 19 but building a family is a huge goal of mine and I don’t want my mental illness to block my goals. I’m definitely still scared😂 But the thought of not doing it alone helps.

    • madisyn._.nicole

      367d

      im here for all of you.

    • CheleKelly

      367d

      I went back and forth all my life bout kids and recently like 5 maybe 6 months ago was hooked on having a kid. Then after like 3 or 4 months decided my decision of not having any cause of my health was wise and it’s not selfish of me not to have any. Also biggest thing was me having a kid at 37 seemed late in my life and didn’t want to be that old when my child graduated. We did talk about adoption but I think I just wanted to know what that connection was like to hold and birth the child. But will not save me emotionally.

    • PurpleMage

      367d

      I'm afraid I might be in early menopause

    • Chrissyposi

      366d

      If I ever want to carry my own child, ill need round the clock care and lots of trips to the doctors office and after the birth, more doctors for both of us. Im only 20 so im not thinking too much about it but it is not fun to be reminded every time I go to the doctor about the risks

    • Annalize

      366d

      I had a rough pregnancy but I have a child and it hasn't been much of struggle physically. Praise the Lord

    • saksgirl02

      366d

      I had my girls young and actually was not thinking about it. My girls are now adults and suffer with their own mental health battles. I feel like regardless of what your dx is they will have their own things as they are human.

    • IanD

      366d

      I was a survivor of leukemia at age 2. I never thought having kids would be far to my children.

    • Kaitlyn14

      366d

      i’m 19. i was told i could never have kids, and honestly i wouldn’t want to and then pass this on to my children. i’ve chosen to adopt in the future instead, possibly surrogacy too:)

    • PoodleMom

      366d

      I almost died having my daughter. My health problems and depression worsened after. Then a year later we found out that we couldn't have anymore, it killed us. But I have a beautiful sassy tween. Between my conditions and the depression I didn't do well for a while.😥

    • cansan08

      366d

      I was told at the age of 8 I would never be able to have children. That was in 1988. My parents told everyone they knew if they ever heard of anyone willing to put their child up for adoption to let us know, well in 2006 I got a call from one of my mom's best friends, she told me she knew of a baby that needed a home! I was in shock! I couldn't believe it!! I was so so HAPPY, now my son is 15 and he is all mine!! Adoption is a beautiful thing!!❤️

    • Sunshine_0309

      366d

      I wasn't diagnosed until after my children and I didn't find out it was hereditary until i had my second child. The second i found out i had my tubes removed so i wouldn't risk having any more children. I feel bad enough knowing my children could get fibromyalgia. I've had both of them in therapy to learn emotion regulation since they were old enough to start. I'm doing everything I can to try to save them from what I go through.

    • Kpopgamer92

      365d

      I had 2 kids before all of my late diagnosis so it didn't affect it.

    • FreddyFabrix

      365d

      I have a son, my fiance is the only father that he has ever known, but my fiance has no children of his own and wants one so badly. I am terrified to get pregnant again due to my poor health and nerve issues. I stay in constant pain, as is. My anxiety tells me that something will go horribly wrong.

      • noelle08

        345d

        @FreddyFabrix i stay in constant pain,i have an autoimmune disorder and mental health issues,im 40 and stopped gettin a period about 3yrs ago,so im not seeing children in my future but if you truly love him and you happen to become pregnant,maybe its meant to be,you made through the first time💕

    • CSweet94

      364d

      Yes, my child is adopted and raised by my parents because my Mental Health is far from what’s ideal for a child to be exposed to. Also, I realized I cannot have children in my future; My mental illnesses are genetic, I almost lost myself to postpartum depression the last time I had a child, I can’t mentally or physically take the weight gain again, and I hate to admit it but just due to the way I am...I know I’d be less than happy to be attending to anyone else’s needs consistently, all day every day and night without becoming resentful or even neglectful. So yes, my conditions have destroyed my ideal family life...and I’ll never truly get to be a Mother the way I’d always wanted to be....my own son doesn’t even know I’m his biological mother yet, he thinks his grandparents are his biological parents and it’s devastating for me but it’s what is best for him, he needed stability and I did what it took to give him that. No matter how it has all broke me. 😔

    • chyyy

      364d

      They've made it nearly impossible to conceive. 😥

    • Lady6ug

      364d

      I mean. I'm still young but the thought of having kids makes me so anxious. I'm afraid I'm gonna break them. I'm not even sure that I want kids but I'm currently leaning towards no. And I love kids and babysitting, I just...idk, kids don't stay kids forever. I've also never been on a date and I'm about to graduate college so...maybe I have bigger problems.

    • Denotchka

      364d

      I’m having a hard time socializing and getting tired as well as as depressed and angry. That last 1 is a relationship killer and I can’t stand it. I’m also kind of embarrassed about it because I’m not just Christian I’m a minister of the Gospel. It’s deeply painful and sad.

    • ThickAndTired

      363d

      at first I was considering if I even wanted to have kids with what I deal with mentally, but I realized that my negative mental aspects are actually a result of being mistreated and under diagnosed rather than the mental disorder itself, and I feel I don’t want kids until I learn how to most effectively and comfortably raise a happy and healthy child with adhd and autism.

    • Heidi_Black

      363d

      I’m type 1 diabetic and I have an 18 month old baby boy and love him with all my heart and soul! ❤️ I couldn’t imagine life without him. I did the research and apparently the percentage of my children is only a LITTLE bit higher probability that they could have type 1 diabetes, as well. I’ve had it since I was 6. If any of my kids get it, I’m the best mom they could have and in today’s day and age you can have type 1 diabetes and ALL the support, technology, doctors, knowledge and everything a T1D person needs to thrive and have a “normal T1D life” (we have our own “normal” and that is okay - we all do! And that’s what I plan to teach my children.)

    • Ruby1999

      363d

      Surprisingly, not at all. I am VERY fertile. I just got my tubes tied this past November

    • Makintosh

      363d

      hopefully by the time im having children or getting married ill be much better mentally, but for now my life plan doesn't involve marriage or children. i can hardly properly take care of myself due to depression, itd be a nightmare and constant panic attacks if i had to take care of someone else.

      • Mashka

        362d

        @Makintosh you'd be surprised how having a child might straighten out your life lol :)

    • Oprah_Shrimpfrey

      362d

      I dont want kids because it would make my conditions much worse.

      • Mashka

        362d

        @Oprah_Shrimpfrey which are? If you don't mind me asking.

    • Elieza

      362d

      I want a baby but I’m to mentally sick to have one and my disorder gets in my way

    • Captain_Marvel

      362d

      No children sterile from high doses of prolix-in Thorazine. And Melerile as an adolescent

    • CloverCorgi

      362d

      I would have to stop my meditation if I wanted to have biological kids. I'm worried about what would happen if I stopped. Also: my disorders are genetic, and lied dormant or only mild in my family for a long time. I'm obviously worried about passing on genetics with poor brain chemistry.

    • gastro_sleepy

      362d

      My gp and cfs have forced me to give my 13yr old to his foster mom and she rubs it in my face all the time.😥

    • cjness

      362d

      PTSD making me afraid of men.

    • Elizalo

      361d

      My husband and I just began the process of embryo freezing. I had a chemical pregnancy recently and it was a roller coaster because we weren’t even trying. I had literally every symptom starting the week after my missed cycle. Got the positive once and then it just ended. It really scared me because my SIL has struggled with fertility. I want kids, but I also have a lot of fear that I won’t be able to handle it. Sometimes my CRPS is so bad I can’t even hold my phone. It’s scary but I have a good support system. Now just isn’t good timing for other reasons. Life is just too hard and unstable at the moment.

    • TheHappyPessimist

      360d

      I have one child, after several miscarriages. I am definitely a one and done family. We actually gave up trying and then I ended up pregnant right after starting a new job.

    • Crazy_Cat

      360d

      Too many conditions genetically run in my family so I made the decision young that I would never have my own biological kids. I don't want to bring a child into the world only to suffer from hardships. I also probably wouldn't make a great mother

    • Raquel226

      359d

      Having a family was something I dreamed of my whole life. However, I made the incredibly hard decision not to have children. I thought if there's a chance that I could pass on even 1 of my several conditions I would never forgive myself. I would never want a child to experience a fraction of what I've been through.

    • MoonSpeck

      359d

      I do not want to be pregnant again, because the likelihood of similar complications would be too much to handle. I'm only now able to recognize the trauma that my experience left me with. It's been almost two years since my water broke at 27 weeks and eventhough I have a healthy 20 month old (I was isolated on hospital bedrest during the pandemic, until I was induced at 34wks and then NICU time). I'm still feeling hurt by the whole situation.

    • Batgirl777

      359d

      I am constantly feeling depressed and so when I see other women with a baby I become more and more depressed, I may also be infertil so it makes matters worse when I think about it.

    • ChronicJ

      358d

      I don't know anyone in my family besides myself with type 1 diabetes. I have two kids. Everyone is different, but it was a decent journey bringing them in this world. I had a really good medical team and a very supportive husband and I didn't have any complications due to my condition. Just a piece of my experience.

    • cometbites

      358d

      I decided not to have kids when I was diagnosed at 13. I don't want my child to go through what I have gone through and have to experience all the difficulties with medical problems. it is really disappointing and I feel left out sometimes, I'd like to be pregnant and have a child that looks like me but I can't in good conscience give my child what I have

    • Jan_Marie

      358d

      I always wanted to be a mother but conceiving is not possible with my condition. If I can find a partner, I want to foster. So many kids need love!

    • Sierra_Turtle

      358d

      I definitely don’t want to run the risk of passing on my genetic garbage can of illnesses that I have. Plus I don’t have the patience or energy that kids need

    • Migisi

      358d

      I had a tubal ligation at 35 because I was afraid my kids would inherit my mental illnesses. I'm not at all sorry I did it.

    • Kishi

      357d

      I decided years ago to not have biological kids but I planned on adopting a kid in the future but now I am considering that even that may be too much for me, I am worried that I would get mentally/sensory-wise overloaded/overwhelmed by my kid so I may never adopt a kid, or maybe I will just be a foster parent. I know though that I'm young and I have time to think about these things

    • LadyTauriel

      357d

      I have autism and epilepsy, my husband has autism and Crohn's disease. The drs said if we had a child, they'd be extremely disabled. And with all of our own health issues, it wouldn't be responsible to have a child that we wouldn't be capable of taking care of.

    • LyricRainn111

      357d

      I refuse to have kids because I already cannot function well enough on my own, let enough with children. I wouldn’t be the parent a child deserves. I also would feel forever guilty if I passed anything down.

    • hsupermann

      357d

      I never planned to get pregnant anyway (I only wanted to adopt) docs told me that I wouldn't be able to have kids, it wasn't that upsetting at the time, but I did end up getting Prego (not by choice but I digress), unfortunately halfway through the first trimester I had a miscarriage...doc isn't sure if it was because of the reason I'm not supposed to be able to get prego or if it was my anxiety and stress that caused it... either way it was still hard...my original due date was about a week ago, it's been a hard week

    • lokiana

      356d

      I have numerous conditions that I know has become a burden for my family. Anxiety, depression, etc. A lot of times I don't feel like doing anything so my husband has to do things with our kids. I'll go days without showering & I know I stink sometimes. I don't have a license because of my anxiety. I tried getting a permit but completely freaked out because I was around so many strangers. So I just sped through the test & failed. 🥺 I'm on meds now but it's taking a while to work.

    • laceyandme

      356d

      I dont want kids cause of my illness

    • Kaymarie

      356d

      I’ve been saying for year that I do not want biological children, I’m only 22. I have fibromyalgia, eds, gerd, and am autistic. My mom has all the same issues, my older brother has fibromyalgia as well. He has a 6mo baby that is already showing symptoms of fibromyalgia. I don’t want to put a baby through this pain that they can’t possibly begin to understand. I’ve had this conversation with my boyfriend who really wants kids of his own and he seems to understand. My mom on the other hand doesn’t get it even though 2 of her kids are struggling with daily pain and other conditions.

    • MichealB

      356d

      Personally since a lot of my conditions are hereditary I have chosen to not even try to have a biological family I'm getting more the older I get and so is my older family. And my SO has some hereditary issues too personally I think for me it's better to not do it at all.

    • Claude03

      356d

      Some of my conditions have genetic components, so I am never having biological kids so they don’t have to inherit those conditions from me. I suffer quite a bit because of my conditions. I don’t want to force similar suffering upon someone

    • StormiBella

      355d

      Yes all the time, but I encourage my family to go without me. I'm not stopping them from a goos time.

    • BonnieBubblegum

      355d

      Likely can’t have children with my conditions and planned to foster/adopt…but also concerned about approval to do so with some of my diagnoses 😕

    • StevieR

      355d

      Honestly since overcoming so much and pointing myself in a good direction, it's encouraged me to have kids. If it's the right time with the right person of course. To care, teach, and learn from the child(ren) would open doors of joy and compassion that couldn't be opened otherwise. We'd be growing together.

    • niceshyguy

      355d

      Im a guy and I absolutely appreciate everything said here, I'm in the same situation but tough to explain

    • shellybear333

      355d

      It's a effect it alot if I where to get pregnant I would have to stop taking my life changing medication and would have to be put in a mental hospital for my safety and the safety of my child

    • Pearl_xo

      355d

      I don't want kids. I feel like I can be a great aunt or something else but surely not a parent. I'm too scared to cause my own kids trauma, to create another human being that doesn't want to live, or hates me that I brought them here. And I love kids, everytime I spent a time w them they love me. I just think I can't do it all the time, you know, be a good consistent parent, it's not me

    • Lucas.exe

      355d

      I would be a HORRIBLE mother

    • Mika15

      355d

      I don't want kids for a variety of reasons. Mainly because I don't think I'll ever be in a position where I'm stable enough to be able to consistently take care of a child. Along with also not wanting to pass any of my mental health conditions onto them, I don't wish that onto any child. Plus childbirth just seems painful 🤷‍♀️

    • Brandonv01

      353d

      In the past they affected me being outside for long periods of time. And they affected how I seen myself in the past

    • Lauren316

      352d

      I had one child at 25 and I thank God every day bc I could never do that now

    • Marry_Me

      352d

      I have been told multiple times not to have kids 😥

    • Vi.Vi

      352d

      My depression makes me feel like I'll never be able to take serious responsibilities, so how would I be able to raise a family? And financially, I would be constantly stressed. I don't need a little kid to overspend on. But at the same time, having kids would make me feel more loved. I guess only time and patience will allow me to decide?

    • Void_Winters

      352d

      I've chosen to never have biological kids because I don't want to pass on the conditions I have to a child. There's just too much I could pass on, I don't even think I can successfully give birth. I don't even think I could with being a trans person. I might adopt though when I have the time to focus on a kid and not only work and my health.

    • Milesinhiding

      351d

      My anxiety makes me very scared to go absolutely anywhere so as long as they're planning on going anywhere for the summer I end up freaking out and thinking of everything that could go wrong. My current guardian is trying to force me to go which isnt helping.

    • BumbleBees

      351d

      I have wanted kids for years now but I think due to my health conditions I shouldn’t have kids of my own. Not for a while. A lot of my conditions are hereditary and I’m in an awful spot right now with my health so it’s a double whammy. Maybe in the future I’ll change my mind but for the foreseeable future, I don’t think I want kids. A child free future may have to be my future

    • oswinthefox

      350d

      Seems like I am unable to conceive will be the next condition I get diagnosed with

    • Ms.CandyHeart

      350d

      I'm afraid to have kids because my anxiety is so bad. I'm scared I will have really bad mental health while pregnant that will affect my baby, or have panic attacks during delivery and not be able to stay calm. It may sound silly but I wouldn't wish my mental health conditions on anyone and I don't know how I would handle it if my child had to experience it.

    • La_Loca

      350d

      🙏 🙏

    • Rosetta5t0n3

      350d

      I don't trust my mental health enough to have kids because of the pregnancy process, but at least that has influenced me to go for fostering

    • MrsT

      350d

      So sorry to hear that, God bless you!!!

    • river_lily

      350d

      If I was pregnant, in order for the fetus to be healthy, I would need to be off of my medications. But in order for *me* to be healthy, that is not a risk I am willing to take. I also may have fertility issues, complicating things even further. So biological children is not an option for me, and I’m okay with that.

    • tootsie1023

      350d

      Infertility and miscarriages

    • Andrew_Moon

      349d

      I will never have any biological children of my own because I don't want to put my mental illness on a child. It's not fair to them 😥 Although I really want a biological child, I will never do them that disservice.

    • coyotl

      349d

      I will also kill my line intentionally

    • Aiden_bartlett

      349d

      Yes I have TS and sometimes when it's a really bad tic day I can't go anywhere!

    • HikariHana1995

      348d

      I’ve always dreamed of adopting even as a child, why? Because I’m breaking the cycle of mental illness and chronic genetic illnesses in my family. So I’ll probably adopt when I’m older and have a more stable home and income.

    • AnimalBoy

      348d

      I have RH disease, not something Alike offers as an option currently, but essentially it means if I ever get pregnant with a child with a positive blood type my immune system will attack it and make me horribly ill and it has a very high risk of killing the fetus. On top of that I might have Lupus which is not only genetic but autoimmune which does not sound like a good combination. I also have severe gender dysphoria over pregnancy but with how dangerous it is that feels like an after thought.

    • AriJuda

      348d

      emetophobia decided for me that I can never have a young child

    • luteallady

      348d

      It's ok to not have children, especially if you are struggling to take care of just yourself.

    • Call_Me_Liv

      348d

      I feel like I don't have the energy to keep living, but I dont wanna die because I have people around me that I love.. but I still feel so empty

    • Hannah_6

      347d

      Princess syndrome working momma so I sometimes act about as young as my daughter. I got her ready for school mentally at least. I do try my hardest to take medicine ,but I still find stuffed animals comforting. We do plan on having a second one so Im waiting to find out for sure. Welcome to message me if you want.

    • PaganxBabygirl

      347d

      Had 2 kids before getting most recent diagnosis and before my husband got diagnosed with scp27. Both kids (7 & 5) tested positive for sca27, oldest is already showing signs. Both have other diagnosis also. I feel the guilt everyday.

    • E_belli

      347d

      I know I can never have a biological kid bc I can't function/live without my psych meds. Sucks butt.

    • Inoki999

      347d

      I’m actually petrified of having kids bc of pain I’ve been having , even adopting a child not sure I could handle physically:/

    • Sunshineseeker90

      347d

      Please forgive me for saying this. This is just what I've been dealing with in my head lately. Everytime time I see women with children, I feel sad for them, I think how sad, hard and miserable their life must be being a slave to small people. Having to spend so much time with children who can't offer adult conversation, they have to work tirelessly and it must be miserable. No freedom. And then I see people with 4-6 kids and I think what the f, why would you so that to yourself. 😩 I had to get that out there. I just don't understand women who are happy having kids, and I think it must be societal pressures. I am so sorry to say that, I have friends with a lot of kids and I actually really like kids and spending time with my friends and playing with their children. Am I the only one who thinks this? The idea of having children being slightly barbaric? Again I apologize for the offensive nature. My personal truth bomb. I'm 32 straight single never married female Christian, only been in one relationship, currently single, but I do want a relationship though.

    • OuchiePrincess

      347d

      I couldn’t bear carrying a child to term and then being too weak to hold it. Being too tired to feed them. Too exhausted to keep them safe. It would be devastating. I keep telling my doctors this but only my trans-affirming care dr really understood. Oh yeah. And the whole non-binary don’t want to be associated with womanhood thing. It would just be a clusterfuck of misgendering and sexism. It already is. Leaning into motherhood would likely make it worse.

    • mearbearz

      347d

      I am autistic (also trans) so it’s unlikely I’m having a child unless it’s adopted. I know how hard it was to raise me, and I am just not prepared raise another aspie.

    • RandomMama

      347d

      I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. Now, I have 3 pill babies. They have been such a blessing even if they came into our lives way to fast. I feel like my body was using the pill to regulate and balance vs prevent anything.

    • Zebrapr

      345d

      My conditions have completely changed I really always have wanted kids but now I’m terrified to have one. I have chronic pain and lots of neurological problems and I’m scared I won’t be able to care for a baby I can barely bend down or do much on some days. It’s rough

    • Shebear13

      345d

      My daughter always reminds me there are plenty of children you can adopt.

    • Mustard_Yellow

      345d

      I use to always want to be a mother. I thought I was born to be one. But I have so many mental issues that I never want to put another person through. Life can be ugly and we shouldn’t make other people exist.

    • Lyriel

      345d

      the things wrong with me don't seem to be genetic (no one else in the family has the major ones) but knowing conceiving might be impossible or a pregnancy could kill me kinda nixes the hope of bio kids. I also wouldn't want to pass down how helpless and angry being sick makes me sometimes, but the partner and I both agree adoption might be on the table one day

    • Lolalove

      345d

      It absolutely has, if the physical state of the world didn't deter me enough my conditions and issues are keeping me from having kids

    • Gi_Jane

      344d

      I went into family planning not thinking I could carry a child to term, I had a miscarriage, living child and another miscarriage. Most women in my family have difficulties keeping a pregnancy or in some cases still birth or SIDS. I probably won't have more kids because of my tubal reconstruction over a year ago and not being able to conceive since.

    • Beckibb

      344d

      I do have 2 children by RA didn’t show its ugly head till 44.

    • ATrainwreck

      344d

      I want children but my mental illness may have a genetic component. I also don't want to physically carry a child because I don't think my chronic joint pain could handle it. My options are surrogacy or adoption. I hope I can one day afford those options.

    • SalineTurnip

      344d

      There is no way in the world I would ever intentionally have a child.

    • Highly_kade

      343d

      I used to feel I may end up having biological kids one day, but because I started HRT ( hormone replacement therapy) last year, I was given the option to freeze my eggs, it was so expensive and I considered it, but the expenses, plus my family history of addiction and mental illness made me decide that biological kids weren't necessary for me.

    • cortlynn

      342d

      I have no thyroid so having my daughter was really highrisk. But i do plan on trying for another in a few years so.

    • jojojellybean

      340d

      I want kids but we don't have the money or stability to start one.

    • Spicyhotfrog

      340d

      It's made me look at myself more and better determine what parts of myself I'd need to work on to be sure that I don't give my child an upbringing that they'd need to seek help for like I did.

      • Pancakes14

        338d

        @Spicyhotfrog 💕 love this my family never took my symptoms seriously and now I'm feeling the effects as an adult. I just keep wondering if things would have been different if I had gotten help sooner- and will definitely take my kiddos words seriously.

    • Lygia

      339d

      My PCOS made that decision for me. And my chronic pain finished it off. But I'm a proud step mom to a awesome 13girl. She's my world.

    • amandasnyder588

      338d

      We have just been happy when get have gotten to carry our babies to term and bring them home. Are we concerned that they may inherit some of our issues? Yes. However, there lives matter too and we will help them become better adults because of it.

    • Pancakes14

      338d

      I'm currently pregnant - and even though I want more I don't think I'll be able to.. 😥 this one is taking a huge tole on my body. I have one bio son already and 3 bonus kiddos,. But my goal for 7 kids Total.. we wanted a big family but unfortunately this will probably be my last. I'm in the third trimester and my body is shutting down on me

    • Anne8769

      338d

      I only found out about my late onset Pompe Disease (a very rare form of MD) when my daughter was about 14. Since then I've discovered I also have 4 brain aneurysms (another genetic problem like my Dad had), Heart disease due to MAJOR stress the past 6-7 yrs. due to my daughter, a previous neighbor, and several police officers. I just went to Mass General a couple weeks ago for a lung biopsy and yes, it's lung cancer however, only stage one so the radiation treatments will make it go away, but still, all these things run in my family smh. I'm the youngest of 7 and the only one with all this shit..Then I think about the Vanessa Williams song "save the best for last" and I always liked it until I look at my life. Save the best for last? A.Y.F.K.M? I now have 2 of the most precious grandchildren ever, and I think to myself, without my B of a daughter, I wouldn't have had the years with them that I've had so, to let a disability stop you from havin a baby isn't really right just because you know about it beforehand. It isnt right to limit yourself like that and there's nothing like you're own...If my life would have worked out differently, Id have had tons. When you have a baby with someone, they're supposed to be just as committed to that baby as you. Your partner should have been talking you into keeping the baby, not going through being all excited during the pregnancy to give the baby up for you to end up adopting anyway. Your own child could have what you have and then they end up in a family that's not gonna understand as much as you?

    • Anne8769

      338d

      Save the best for last meaning me, being the youngest of my idiot family, yet the only one with all these ailments. I had to clarify that because I do consider my grandchilden the best💜🦁

    • MaSa

      338d

      Not having kids because of MS

    • spacecatdette

      336d

      I'm 32, still live with my mom. Working on getting out with my boyfriend. But it'll be sometime before we're emotionally and financially stable enough for kids. And I'm terrified of my ability to have kids by then. At the earliest, I'll be in my late 30s, if not early 40s, which can come with a whole host of problems. And my last ex boyfriend told me I could never be a mother because of my issues, so I battle with that. Even though my current bf refutes that constantly, it still sits in my head.

    • 1stMayflowers

      335d

      I had a few conditions before I had my kids. None were a huge concern to me, and didn't affect our desire or decision to have children. Infertility did. We spent more than 8 years TTC. Honestly, the phrase "just adopt" infuriates me. There's nothing "just" about it. Even going through the foster system isn't a simple thing, and most adoptions are expensive AND not a sure thing, and the money is the least of what you need. It's an absolutely wonderful thing to do, but it isn't as simple as people seem to think. I suggest to anyone with any doubts about having biologic children to save from the moment they can, and prepare mentally. We got extremely lucky, and IUI worked for us, on our last try, before "reassessing". We had b/g twins, and we got what we'd always wanted in one pregnancy. I was high risk several times over. Diabetic, "geriatric", history of infertility, and twins. My pregnancy was wonderful, though. My luck started to crash before the kids were 6ms. Both hands developed carpal tunnel AND multiple trigger fingers. Things were good for a few years, then in 2020 I went through several mysterious things, and it's been come and go since, with the latest thing being GP. If GP had happened before pregnancy, I'm not sure we would have had the kids. I can't imagine being pregnant and unable to eat normally. I'm thankful to have my babies, but it's hard not being able to play and love them they way I want.

    • Shannon96

      330d

      Given mine is genetic I’ve thought a lot about it. I want kids but would have to really think and plan before I did it, I also have pcos so as of now I’d likely need fertility medication

    • ZazzleDazzle

      329d

      I don’t feel mentally able to have kids even if I could physically, which right now is not a possibility.

    • KaiHope

      329d

      I've already made the decision to not have my own child, epilepsy runs in my biological mother's side of the family, and, while it hurts, I'm making this decision for my well-being as well.

    • lise

      328d

      I would never have children because what if I went into a manic episode. How could I keep my child safe?

    • Kay2002

      327d

      I might never have any children of my own because I have a bunch of severe health conditions and diseases that come from my family. I feel like that would be very selfish of me to want to have a child knowing it might have some struggles for the rest of it's life. And sometimes I think, maybe the kid would appreciate being alive, because I still enjoy life despite my health conditions. Idk 😥💔

    • Yuukiyun

      326d

      I had all 3 of my kids before my diagnosis. Honestly, I would not have the physical or mental capacity to have more 😥 I'm very blessed to have the children I have, even though I'm not able to run and play with them as I'd like to...

    • kandi63

      326d

      I could wish I had decided not to have children. Don't misunderstand, I love both my boys more than my own life, however, I wish I could've spared them the depression and bipolar. So many other things I wish they had inherited from me.

    • klazikel

      326d

      I knew my girl had basically a 75% chance of having some type of mental health disorder, between mine and her dad's issues. I almost gave her up for adoption, but at the meeting to schedule meeting the new parents, I backed out. We both decided she was ours, even though we were teens. I had an awful pregnancy. I couldn't stop throwing up, day and night through the entire pregnancy. All that didn't matter when I had my little girl. I had a hard time being the best mom I could be and I needed lots of help. Her dad didn't stick around, but I relied heavily on my mom. She kept my girl every weekend of her childhood, at first so I could decompress. Eventually my girls issues came forward and those weekends were for both of us to decompress. She got excellent services in our community and in her school district. It takes a village sometimes and I relied on that village. She's 23 now, has lots of issues but also an amazing personality and sense of humor, a great heart and a future to look forward to. Don't regret that for one second.

    • Pikachu_girl

      326d

      Well I'm a transfem so I don't think I will be having kids of my own.

    • MommaSavage

      325d

      I had two kids when I was young and dumb (they're my world, don't get me wrong!) I never planned to have kids when I did. They are both from the same guy, an ex. Now I am with my forever man, he accepts my kids as his own however we've tried to conceive our own child. It has been over 2 years now.... We both are physically able to have kids I just cannot conceive again. I now have endometriosis and a lot of mental health problems that play a role. I don't know what changed, have been told I'm very fertile it just isn't happening. It breaks my heart

    • Megsandpegs

      324d

      when he finds out it will be devastating for him. Better to tell him the truth while he is young.

    • mrsking0322

      324d

      I worry my son is going to end up with issues

    • Dorkasaurus

      324d

      My hope was that I'd at least get married. I'd be extremely happy with a husband and a pet. I only ever wanted to adopt if I did have kids. Raising kids would probably be impossible. And listen, I'm only 21. I don't have all my health answers yet. 15+ conditions and so many things yet to be diagnosed, those treatments to try. But I've never dated, never met anyone I wanted to. My life has been living hell in many ways. I've been bedbound for 3 years with inadequate medical care. It won't improve anytime soon. I fear I may die. I can't keep close relationships. I can hardly move or think. So although it's my dream to get married, and I'm going to work hard to get better for whoever he might be, I'm not very optimistic I'll be able to. 🙃

    • Jazzmin87

      324d

      None of my doctors have told me I can't have kids. But after 2 yrs of malnourishment and barely being able to keep myself out of the hospital. I'm just starting to regain a lot of things I lost. I've had to explain to my partner that I won't be able to have his kids bc I can't ever stop the meds I'm on. I also don't know if I'll have another flair up if my body is too stressed. I've always wanted kids of my own and this realization is crushing.

    • tori0124

      324d

      Yes. Type 1 diabetic here. Makes it more difficult. Never been able to conceive yet and even when I do it'll be high risk the whole time.

    • Spicyhotfrog

      324d

      I want to have kids some day and it motivates me to get my mental health struggles under control and understand them enough to help my potential children work through them.

    • wispymoon

      323d

      If I would have known I was getting this and my children have a 50/50 chance of getting it too, I may not have had children. It's hard and I don't want them to feel this.

    • SashaM90s

      323d

      I want to have a family and kids for my own kinda life goals but because of my symptoms and also other preferences I feel like i would have to add some live in friends as well as be happily married to feel like there would be enough fall backs so no one would get burnt out

    • Fibrofoggirl

      323d

      I have two children I was healthy and so were my kids until my son got sick around 12 years old every dr. Kept saying it was anxiety I finally found a dr. Who ran the right tests turns out he has Crohn’s disease.he is on Remicade infusions and he is in remission.My daughter started getting tons of headaches and vulva pain and I started Getting the same pains 15 dr.s later doing my own research and found The f/m test and we both have fibromyalgia.My poor husband has to take care of all of us. Its the worst thing in the world seeing your kids so sick and knowing its all my fault I gave this to them 😭😭😭😭😭😏

    • mysterygirl

      323d

      I wish that I had understood that nature is much stronger than nature. Me & my daughter's father have issues that I thought that being in a loving home could change. I was wrong. My daughter is a lot like her father and has my ADD. I feel bad that she struggles with that but her other issues are of her own making due to having the same immaturity we had and the secretive, stubborn nature of her dad. Also, getting so sick when she 10, showed her my weakness and she has issues, with me. I am writing about this b/c I hope that anyone considering having children, know that genetics are a strong predicter of what your child will be like. You might have one that doesn't get any of the "bad" stuff and one that has them all. It's a throw of the dice. If you are with someone who has "bad" traits or genetic illness and decide to have children with them, those traits may manifest and there isn't much you can do about it. If you're willing to accept those traits, like addiction, mental illness or physical disabilities, that's fine. I hope that you have a supportive partner or family, because you'll need help. I didn't and I believe that being stressed out for so long caused me to become chronically ill. I loved my daughter more than myself and worked hard to provide everything she needed. Her father died when she was 4 yo & left us nothing. My parents were already gone when she was born. If my mom had been alive to help, I think things would have turned out differently,even with the stuff she inherited. Having support with a chronic illness is a blessing. Raising children is hard work and going it alone might be ok for healthy people with good financial resources. If you feel unfulfilled without a child, I wish you lots of support, so you can enjoy being a parent. It is all give, when they're children and it can become exhausting, at times. Hopefully, you'll get a easy kid.👍

    • Dayze

      323d

      I didn't have a plan for when family falsely accuses you of neglect now I'm unable to see my kids cause my family has them and won't let me see them and have no lawyer

    • Weiss

      323d

      Don't want kids so that's not affected. I strongly dislike children. My biological job may be to reproduce, but nobody should EXPECT that out if anyone. It's unfair. It's my body and my life. Depression and my physical dystopia affect my relationships though. It really is my own personal hell. Can't make progress when you're being destroyed from the inside out.

    • Reddest

      323d

      I won't have kids. I won't do this to them. Not to mention, I don't think I could be a good parent to a baby/small child. I'm too disabled, I get irritated too easily, the triggers for my anger issues are normal small child behavior... Nope. I plan to adopt older children, though.

    • evanchiladas

      323d

      i never want to have kids. i will damn myself to hell for eternity if i pass down such conditions to my child, or influence such mental conditions. never will i do that. ever.

    • QHC

      322d

      Everything is affected. I wear earplugs almost 24/7 because I quite literally cannot function at all without them. It changes how my parents behave around me just so I can focus on communication. The changes are welcome even if the reasons why they occured are not great.

    • Willowthepillow

      322d

      I don't want kids. Just a personal thing outside of my conditions but if I ever want kids they can't be mine because of my conditions because I don't want them to suffer like I have

    • dydy1

      322d

      And there will more than likely be a lot more kids in the CPS system thanks to our wonderful government.

      • MorganVL

        313d

        @dydy1 yup, bcuz Karens and Kens can't mind their own business and think anybody with any sort of issue is "a bad parent"🙄

    • SpicyGingerrr

      321d

      I have a lot of gyno problems and was told the likelihood of having a successful pregnancy was low. If I can, it would be a high risk pregnancy. My boyfriend was adopted and he doesn’t care for the process but I feel as though being a mother is my calling so I will do whatever it takes. ❤️

    • Forbiddenlove13

      321d

      I dont even know if I can get pregnant.

    • Iwantkoreanhotdogs

      321d

      Is it not the best decision to have biological kids when both you (have several mental health diagnoses) and your partner (has one) have mental health issues? I really want kids but if that means giving them really bad mental health then there’s no point

    • History.and.cats

      321d

      It wouldn't be safe for me to give birth, plus still borns and miscarriages are very common in my family. So I decided that I'll adopt in the future, older kids as well.

    • MellyAdoree

      321d

      It didn't. I paid twice the attention, gave twice the love and produced two amazing and caring kids on3 a teen and one a young adult.

    • Porkbun

      321d

      I'm never having kids. I don't want them, they are too much for my mental health. Too stressful. And I want my family line to end lmao horrible toxic abusive family full of abusers. It needs to end

    • Wintie

      321d

      I think the main issue I would mainly have is probably my anxiety, and a husband. I wish to be a wife and a mom someday. It's one of my dreams! I am just so afraid of my children going through what I went through when I was growing up. I just hope I'll be more responsible and emotionally there for my kids since my parents were not there for me at all. Plus, I hope that I would have an amazing partner too because again, I didn't have my parents around when I was growing up until I was in my late teens.

    • Roxi7039

      318d

      I would just sewing

    • CopperBoom

      318d

      I really want kids but I am so scared of them getting any of my problems. I dont want to watch another person go through what I am. So I think about adopting but that also brings up the question of if I would be a good parent. I have chronic migraines, so on bad days I really can't stand noise or get out of bed. A child needs a level of care im worried I won't be able to gi e on those days.

    • ShyGhost31229

      318d

      I don't ever want to procreate, ever. My conditions aren't the only factor, but they're a big one.

    • Gemini80

      316d

      I have 2 kids, divorced. I can't hold a job longer than 1 year. I seem to struggle in ways I don't understand fully that have nothing to do with bad attitude or me as a human. Thankfully I have an X spouse who is stable and rejoices in my down falls. I have not Falken into addictions and sm treated like a junky or criminal when it comes to my ability to parent from the kids dad & family. Regardless I push ahead. I am exhausted emotionally. If it was not for my kids I would have given up long ago.

    • raccoon_luver2

      316d

      For me it's pcos and anxiety of having a child like how it would feel

    • kriss2u4

      314d

      I have several conditions from skin lupus to several issues with my back which prevent me from doing a lot of things with my family. Summertime I live like a vampire. Walking most times takes effort, always in pain and a lot of times my hips will go to sleep or go numb and it's easy for me to fall. I can sneeze and my back goes out.

    • Lyla722

      314d

      I don't plan to have any biological kids because of my health issues. 😥😥😥

    • AranaJ

      313d

      They haven't really. I am 45 and never wanted children and never had any. B

    • mnmerritt02

      313d

      I think so. I have something called DiGeorge Syndrome which can affect my heart, spine, hearing, and learning disabilities. I would love to have kids of my own one day. But at the same time, i don't want my children to suffer what I've suffered through my entire life. Any advice?

    • ElektraNicPunk

      313d

      It’s made it harder for me to have children but also I started therapy and fighting for my health so I can start a family.

    • beepis

      313d

      I can't have children biologically and now I'm not allowed to adopt because schizophrenia is "dangerous"

    • MorganVL

      313d

      Because of going through central precocious puberty at the age of 9 years old, my growth was stunted. I then became stuck at or between 4'7.7" & 4'8.2" and my organs are a bit smaller and that has caused it to be hard for my boyfriend and I since I have to see my OBGYN and my surgeon a lot to make sure I don't have any bad issues like cancer pop up on or in my uterus. It's just really hard that I have to wait years for them to start the whole examination process from both the OBGYN and surgeon in order to then be given the go ahead, so I don't risk my own life or put my own life on the line.

    • Shapeshiftingsinner

      311d

      I decided to try my best not to have children. I decided that at 8 years old, when my conditions really started becoming prevalent. I’ve been taking birth control since 13. Actively trying to find a doctor to give me a tubal ligation.

      • Starlightie

        296d

        @Shapeshiftingsinner Lucky for you, with the overturning of Roe there are lists you can find of doctors in your state that are willing to do this, no questions asked.

    • magnusbane103417

      311d

      Yes, they have...the medication I take makes me gain weight and my doctor says that's why I have the miscarriages that I have, I feel so alone in this but I want a family and I don't know what to do?

      • seri

        309d

        @magnusbane103417 I don't believe that at all sounds like fatphobia

        • Starlightie

          296d

          @seri Weight can absolutely play a huge factor in the ability to carry a child to term. Trust me, I'm no stranger to fatphobia in the medical field, but this is a fact.

      • Starlightie

        296d

        @magnusbane103417 There are several options for those unable to carry to term. IVF surrogacy, adoption, direct surrogacy. You could also keep trying with the help of a fertility doctor that's familiar with your situation.

    • Believe

      310d

      Having read all these comments, please allow me, as mother of three grown children to give my take on all your comments. I think it’s refreshing to see people who think through their decision to have children. But I’ve had some experience with each of these scenarios. Addressing the decision to have or not to have children: children are exceedingly resilient, they can adapt to situations and grow to responsible adults. Sure everything is not perfect but if they are loved beyond measure, that is the most important thing parents can give a child. Adoption:how wonderful to give a child loving parents that they would never have had if not adopted. Challenges are there also. We have an adopted granddaughter and we love her so much. She does have some issues however. She was adopted when she was 5. She is from China and was not wanted because she was a girl. My daughter in law has unbelievable patience and she is so loved by my son and DIL. We’re so thank for her. I saved foster parenting till last. Foster parenting is incredibly unselfish if you can face the challenges- and there could be many. If a child is in foster care, they come from a very bad background usually. The system always tries to place them back in their own homes if at all possible. If they can’t, then things were pretty bad. They need good and patient foster parents and bless those who can do it. I’ve also experienced foster parents who take babies or toddlers and when they have to give them up, they are often grieved- they have grown to love that child. Just somethings to think about. Sorry this is so long. Bless all of you who have decisions to make. Children are a blessing from God no matter what the circumstances , they deserve to be loved.

    • fatpenguinchews

      310d

      I will never have kids because why would I curse someone I love with all my genetic messes

    • SpicyWolf

      310d

      I would like to have childern. But I fear for the repercussions of having biological children for both my body and the child's. But I also know that I probably wouldn't pass the exams to be able to adopt, so if I wish to have my family I will have to risk my health, or come to terms with I won't have the ability to raise a family like I want.

    • ponyowastaken

      309d

      my whole family just brings out the worse in me and my mental health pretty sure they hate me lol

    • seri

      309d

      I developed severe C-Ptsd after my 6 year old son passed away. Every since (nearly six years ago) my periods have refused to regulate. My stress is always so high and it feels like most of the time I just bearly get through the day. My husband and I want another child so much and it is so unfair.

    • Egg.Sprinkles

      308d

      Don’t want kids. Never have wanted kids. Would volunteer for a hysterectomy if that was like, an easy thing to do if that phrase makes sense at all

    • Egg.Sprinkles

      308d

      I had an ectopic pregnancy at 21 years of age that almost killed me and the I guess you could say seed planter of that zygote killed himself 3 or four years ago and that whole area of trauma is one of the worst things ever to happen to me. Definitely the trauma that effects me at a moment to moment basis all day every day.

      • CaptainHolmes

        291d

        @Egg.Sprinkles I'm so sorry you went through that (((hug)))

    • Skittlemasterrawr

      308d

      My heart condition has made planning difficult for my husband and me And on top of that he's not ready Which I understand but I get times when I just want to have a child Because I'm afraid that that may never get to happen with how many things I have going on with my health

    • RoseQueen94

      307d

      I'm a stepmom to four wonderful kids we realize very early on in our relationship that it would be very dangerous for me to have a pregnancy and with his four kids they were enough. Three of them truly see me as their mother.

    • seren

      306d

      Cant do long car rides on busy streets or hotels or crowded places , i normally end up getting left out and go do my own thing .

    • History.and.cats

      306d

      I plan on adopting, birthing kids simply isn't an option for so many reasons.

    • Critter101

      305d

      I've always told myself and others that I would never have kids on my own because I 'hate children', but really I'm just afraid to pass on my illnesses onto my future kids. I never want them to feel as alone, anxious, or suicidal as I have felt, but sometimes I just wish I could have little ones. I'm just so afraid I'll ruin them by giving them my MDD.

    • mimikuku

      304d

      I'm scared of passing down my conditions. I'm also scared of the whole pregnancy and birthing process killing me.

    • Emomomo

      304d

      Sorry. Having a cat or dog can always be an alternative

    • SharkBlood23

      304d

      I need my medicine and cannot go 9 months without it. Fear of the medicine causing a miscarriage, still born or leave the baby horribly deformed.

    • SlothMomma94

      304d

      I had my first child before my many of my conditions were diagnosed. I want me kids, but I am not sure if they will be biologically mine

    • Satin

      303d

      I feel like in some ways it's a little hard for me because I truly belive one of my purposes in life is to be a parent, but at the same time I feel like I have so many Road blocks in my way and it gets overwhelming sometimes.

    • SimplyWellRenewal

      303d

      I didn't let it prevent me from what I wanted. Suffered ectopic pregnancy. Then after i had 3 successful. Doctors told me each time not to have anymore, but I had visions of my beautiful family and didn't want my illness to prevent that. Looking back I was high risk during my pregnancies but wouldn't have it any ither way. Have an amazing family. Only thing I would change. Is helping myself to get well. At that time in my life I didn't realized I could get better. I did alot of work on gut, cutting out inflammatory foods, adding prebotic and probotic and then 2 years ago starting stem cell activation. If I knew of this path before planning to start a family, I wish I would have known so myself and my family wouldnt have strugglwd so much. I have been symptom free med free for 4 years. My son was the sickest. He struggled with his health the first 4 1/2 years and he was super sick. Couldn't eat foods, many allergies it was so sad to so through. He had many delays due to his health. He also though now is symptom free med free. We are doing amazing and just wish no one would have to struggle like we did. It can get better!

      • SimplyWellRenewal

        303d

        @SimplyWellRenewal I have been symptom free med free 4 years!!! It can get better.

    • spicysugar

      303d

      My partner has POTS and has decided to not have children because it's so severe for them and the possibility of passing it on to their children is far too high. But this wasn't an issue for me because I've always wanted to adopt. Also I'm trans so I don't really want to have biological children either

    • Emmazing

      302d

      I wanted 5 kids my whole life. Then I got sick and now I can't have them. And even if I could I'm too terrified the father and I would pass on our illnesses

    • Finches_Wishes

      302d

      In the case of me and my partner I let him know very early on that most of my conditions are hereditary and if we do decide to have biological children one day there is a chance that they could develop some of the same conditions that I do. I was very blunt too, I looked him in the eyes and said “I want you to know that if this goes further and we want children down the road they could be autistic or have bpd or arrhythmia’s like I do” surprisingly he was very supportive and said that didn’t change anything in his eyes. Secretly I hope if we do have children that they’ll be nothing like me

    • Stargirl1989

      302d

      With type 1 diabetes pregnancy can be dangerous. I would love to have a family someday but with as bad as my diabetes has been over the years I might not be able to have biological children. It breaks my heart and I'm working hard to get to a place where I feel I'm healthy enough to have a baby but there's a lot of anxiety around that because I just might not be able to conceive.

    • bearboy

      302d

      I didn't want kids to begin with. but now, due to my conditions, my decision has since become more solidified.

    • sebi

      302d

      I didn't plan on having kids, but now I'm pregnant and I'll take the responsibility of caring and loving them.

      • heycamila

        294d

        @sebi i wish you the best<3

    • Minecraftbros54

      301d

      I have always said I don't want kids, but now that the doctors and other people are agreeing, I want kids so bad! Idk if it's my spiteful nature or what, but I'm bummed that I don't feel right having biological kids.

    • nemokittylover123

      299d

      I can no longer have children. Last year I had a hysterectomy at the age of 31 due to the finding of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix and I'm a high-risk for endometriosis (my mum has stage 4 endometriosis). My pre-cancerous cells did not go away on their own and stayed the same, so I became a ticking time bomb. Did a shaving of the area but it came back. My blood work was concerning as well. Gyno was concerned and talked to me about the possibility of having a hysterectomy. Went through the hysterectomy obviously and am here today. But even before all of that happened, my fiance and I decided we weren't going to pursue biological children due to the fact both of us have some of the same diagnoses which doubles the chances of passing. We wouldn't want anyone-child or adult to have what we have. If we can stop it then we will. Plus, my fiance and I probably wouldn't have the patience and money if I'm being totally honest here to give to a biological child or an adoptive child at this point in our lives. There are days where I can't take care of myself so how am supposed to care for a child? We've made the decision not to have children before my surgery was even an option and we still say to this day that we don't have the means. If ever down the line we achieve the means and decide we want children, then we would opt for adoption. My fiance and I both agree it's not in our cards to have children but instead we have a fur baby who's just as spoiled as a human child.

    • Mad_Dog

      296d

      Because of my family's history with mental and physical illness I have decided not to have my own bio children. Part of me feels its unfair of me to bring biological kids into this world knowing they will deal with same issues and illness I have. But at the same time I want kids. So I am looking into adopting or fostering ❤️

    • Starlightie

      296d

      I have severe tokophobia so it's a no for me at least to carry a child myself. I've considered IVF surrogacy and/or adoption but right now it's not a financial possibility so I'm content with having my IUD for the time being. I've always had a passion since teenhood to be a foster parent for children ages 8+ and be that salvation from the abusive and corrupt system. My primary partner wants to have at least 2 bio children... I'm open to it as long as I'm not the one to carry, so whenever that time comes it's definitely going to have to be IVF surrogacy. I am very paranoid about passing on my cursed genes since I myself am very ill and my family history is also extensive... It's just a lot to think about, but being that I'm 23 I have (presumably) plenty of time to think and research my options.

    • Amy420

      296d

      I really want to have kids of my own. But I cant right now because i need to heal more emotionally, and would want to be off my current medication, as it can cause birth defects. But currently those meds are making possible to exist and function

    • LudicrousPajamas

      295d

      I never have the energy for trips and I have panic attacks if I'm overly uncomfortable in any gatherings 😥

    • heycamila

      294d

      there’s a lot of insecurity built in me about my ability to do anything so i feel like having a child would be wrong of me. there’s also the side of me wanting me to keep my money for myself because ive never had a financially stable household.

    • CaptainHolmes

      291d

      Sometimes I want to have a kid biologically, but we have decided to adopt, due to the health risks. I have had people try to talk me into having kids biologically and tell me it will actually improve my health, not harm me. It made me so mad because its not their place to say, their opinion was unsolicited, and they don't know all my health issues.

    • TaetaeRyn

      291d

      I still want to have kids, and I would like at least one to be biological, which is why I plan to freeze eggs before starting HRT, but I wouldn’t be upset if I only ended up adopting, or if my partner was the only biological parent. I do know that I want to wait a long after getting married to have kids. We need to know without a doubt that we have the tools together to raise a child while still supporting each other. My parents divorced at a young age and hated each other for most of my life, so that’s the most important thing for me.

    • theprincess130

      291d

      I wasn't sure I would be able to conceive due the chemo I had as a child, but then I miraculously got pregnant and the pregnancy caused more issues to my health. (But I wouldn't change having my son)

    • Ink789

      291d

      I dont think i could ever pass my genetics to another human being, i dont want them to have a miserable life because of the condition/s they have

      • PolySammo

        291d

        @Ink789 thats my thought. I am able to work with kids and make a positive difference. My Nephew was diagnosed at 14 and was offered a treatment that would take care of some of the pain he had(polycystic kidney disease can share the cysts with other areas . Cysts on your testicles when you ride bikes and do tai kwan do are painful) but he couldn't have children. He didn't want to have the treatment . I don't know if he ever did . But i did have a talk with him about using anyone else's genetics to make a child.

    • Lavabasically

      291d

      I’m only 18, but I knew I wanted kids for a while. But with my PCOS, I don’t know how likely it’ll be. My mom also has it and me and my siblings exist, but there’s also a chance that I’m infertile because I didn’t get treatment for it until I didn’t have a period for 2 years. I could adopt if I am infertile, but idk, it’s not the same to me.

      • PolySammo

        291d

        @Lavabasically hopefully as treatment for pcos gets better you will have more options. My Mommo wanted a bunch of kids but was able to be pregnant once with the kidney disease. She got a 5lb blue eyed girl and a 4lb brown eyed girl. Who she spent the next 43 years spoiling like crazy

    • PolySammo

      291d

      I was told at 18yo(1984) by the Dr who told me i had the kidney disease that runs in my family, that i had to decide right then if ihad the right to pass this on. He turned to my Twin Sister and said she didn't have the kidney Disease and she couldn't give it to her children so she was safe to have children. I am the only person in my family that likes kids. I was working with preschoolers at that point and i went to Nanny School when i was 19. I decided then that I would not pass my genes on. Sadly the "good" Dr was wrong and my sister also had KPD. Her Daughter is 30 she has about 12-15 years before dialysis . My sister passed away, it will be 8 years in September. I have been blessed to be part of many wonderful children's lives over the years at 56 and on Dialysis 21 hours a week i Nanny for teenagers 15-25 hours a week. It is much easier since the 16 yo is taller than i am and can reach things i cant and if i am baking he is willing to haul the kitchen aid mixer out of the closet for me. So no i have not had my own but i am lucky in the children in my life

    • Bre19

      230d

      I'm not sure

    • Fluffy_Mingo

      230d

      I don't know if I'll be able to have more kids. I hate thinking about that. I'm not even close to okay enough to consider it though,so I try not to. Hurts too much.

    • holochromatic

      230d

      Kids are absolutely not an option for me and my body. I think we would have had at least one if I had been able.

    • SomeKindaKid

      230d

      I’ve been called ableist for saying this but I do not want a disabled baby. I would love a baby who happened to be disabled but I would not wish to give my child the one I’m supposed to be the one that protects them these several painful debilitating diseases I have. I don’t want to tell my child that I understand they’re in pain and that I can’t fix them. I don’t want them to not be able to play outside because of POTS. I don’t want to give them the extreme joint pain and dislocations with EDS. Or one of the countless mental disorders or cancers that run in the family. Diabetes 1 and 2 also run in the family.

    • Mira.P.Takki

      229d

      I didn’t have a diagnosis or answers until I flared really badly after my son was born 13 weeks early. I wish I had known beforehand so I could have made an informed decision about having a child. I would never give him back, and I don’t regret it, but I regret not being able to know beforehand.

      • Cece1989

        229d

        @Mira.P.Takki is your child ok? So sorry for your flare. Was it an MS flare?

    • Swerve

      228d

      Im not having kids. I'm the last of a dying breed too. It ends with me.

    • RaeRae22

      227d

      I want kids but I don't want to give them the mental illnesses my family gave me....

    • Pisforpotato

      227d

      I’ve become terrified instead of happy to have children. To know what I have gone through with my conditions.. I couldn’t imagine putting that on someone else. However, mine were so bad because no one, not even myself, knew how to help me, or understood what was wrong with me. I feel more confident now to have children than before because I’ll be able to recognize it within them, if they have them, and I’m going to start nurturing their mental health from the very moment they are able to comprehend it. At least then, they’ll have a fair shot.

    • Beeble

      227d

      I made the choice to never put my genetics onto another soul. it's too difficult. I've barley held on myself.

    • Olivebutter2236

      208d

      I don't want kids anyways for many reasons but one of those reasons is that I've watched my mother deal with my bipolar father in a relationship as well as raise 2 bipolar children (me and my brother) and the likely hood of my child having it is so high. I'm not equipt to handle that no do I want a child to go through everything that I have

    • couragousepilepic21

      208d

      I have epilepsy and everyone around me except for my brother says I'm not going to have children but if god blesses me with kids I wouldn't complain, I already have some name possibilities.

    • lowempathyhighenergy

      205d

      I'm so scared of having kids honestly bc of my trauma and physical/genetic conditions

    • Rayningtigress

      194d

      Yea. I don't want any of my children to have a chance to have any of what i have. If i get kids, its going to be an adoption

    • toby33b

      194d

      didn't want kids anyways, but if i did, no way in hell im giving them my EDS (genetic), i can't barely deal with it and I'd hate to have my child go through this pain as well,,,not even including my mental illness

    • LaurenRomero

      193d

      I had a miscarriage at beginning of my marriage and my health has gotten worse over time. So I probably won’t be able to have kids.

    • Tracks

      193d

      My whole life. Partially for personal reasons. Others for reasons, the damn US government with benefits for disabled if they get married.

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