Childhood Dissociation and Current Struggles with Derealization

I remember dissociating a few times as a small child. I would pretend i was a character from a tv show, walk like them, talk like them, envision myself like them. Another time I remember looking around and down at my hands and thinking this isn’t a video game this is real life. I wish i knew exactly what happened to cause the response but i can’t remember. My mother was/is a mentally ill alcoholic but i don’t know what happened at least when i was that young. It was only when i was very young then went away for a long time until the pandemic hit. Then i started envisioning myself as tv characters again, speaking like them. That lasted for a while but i think that part went away. In 2021 i started to suffer from derealization. I still suffer from it rarely (although it was nearly debilitating when i was gradually lowering my med dosage) but thankfully seroquel exists. It would be triggered by bright sunlight and fluorescent lighting so i wear sunglasses a lot. I wish my mind wasn’t like this. I’m not sure anyone will read this but if you do i hope you’re not as much as a basket case as me