I felt like that for a long long time. I have come to realize that I am not toxic at all, I just feel toxic when I am with toxic people. When you are with the right people who actually want what is best for you and not just want you for selfish reasons, you realize that your "toxic" behavior is just a response to being treated like something is wrong with you. I have learned a lot about BPD and one of the things that has stood out to me is that people who have BPD seek out narcissistic people because they are what we think is normal. They are abusive and they want you to feel like you are the one who is doing something wrong even though you are just trying to survive them. Borderline Personality Disorder is directly linked to childhood abuse and the main symptoms are having very intense emotions and black and white thinking. That is a response to abuse and it is absolutely not your fault.