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little_boo

854d

i’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and i’m so happy with him, but i think that sometimes he may be using my mental illnesses against me. when he does something that hurts my feelings (intentional or not) he always tells me that i’m overreacting and it’s just my bpd. and when i sit back and think about what happened i’m not sure about what is really not cool and what i’ve perceived to be not cool because of my hypersensitivity to rejection. any tips on how to analyze situations like this in the moment?

Top reply
    • whosawhatsits

      854d

      I have a friend who does the same thing when he hurts my feelings, he says it’s just the way I perceive it. However, I do think that this isn’t a good way for the friend to approach things. Your feelings are valid, regardless of your diagnosis, and its important for people in your life to recognize that. As for analyzing situations, I like to make lists, whether that’s lists of facts for what’s going on and why I’m feeling the way I am. Usually when I view something written down factually, I’m able to analyze what a “normal” reaction would be to it.

    • esh

      853d

      A lot of people have been taught that strong emotions are “bad.” I’ve noticed that kids feel proud when they “don’t cry”…and it’s kind of sad to me. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to cry. It’s not okay to hurt others though. Some people are scared of big emotions because they have this association with emotions leading to bad behavior. But emotions and behavior are two completely separate things. Try to help him understand this. Yes, your BPD makes you have strong emotions, but emotions are completely okay. Being invalidated is often what leads to the “bad” behavior, so validation and acceptance of emotions from those closest to us can go a long way

    • Sierrugh

      854d

      I’d honestly try having a talk with your boyfriend about what you’re feeling to try to gain some clarity, and see how he reacts from there; practicing (healthy) communication is vital for any relationship imo

    • JayUwU

      854d

      I can kind of see where he's coming from with this, but he needs to realize that having a disorder does NOT make your feelings or perception of the situation any less valid. I struggle a lot, too, with knowing what is the 'right and normal' emotional reaction to something is. I know people lump mental health disorders together, but this isn't like schizophrenia or a similar disorder where the issue is literally in your head (i.e. a hallucination or delusion) and therefore cannot be boiled down to 'just your bpd'. Personality disorder or not, this person is in a relationship with you and they should respect your feelings on any given situation. I would recommend bringing it up to him while still letting him know that you understand how your disorder can affect him and how he might see your reactions as overdone, but to you it is very real and you expect his respect and understanding regardless. (That's what I would try to do, anyway.) I'm sorry you have to deal with a conflict like this and I understand how sad and guilty it may make you feel. We are all here for you and support you!

    • whosawhatsits

      854d

      I have a friend who does the same thing when he hurts my feelings, he says it’s just the way I perceive it. However, I do think that this isn’t a good way for the friend to approach things. Your feelings are valid, regardless of your diagnosis, and its important for people in your life to recognize that. As for analyzing situations, I like to make lists, whether that’s lists of facts for what’s going on and why I’m feeling the way I am. Usually when I view something written down factually, I’m able to analyze what a “normal” reaction would be to it.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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