Autism and Relationships: Struggles and Solutions

Yes! A lot of the disagreements between me and my partner (who is neurotypical) stem from a miscommunication. For me, it’s been really helpful to talk with my partner about things that I might do when we’re trying to resolve something, like become nonverbal/stim/etc. This helps her know what to expect and prevents her from thinking I’m not engaged in resolving the conflict or that she has done something to make me upset by bringing up an issue. It’s always a learning process even though we’ve been together for a while, and open communication is the key!!

Yeah, I’m definitely more prone to being nonverbal under stress, and I find it hard to calm my body down enough to even get to a place of sharing. I think trying to create a comfortable place to have discussions is helpful; in my experience, low lighting, quiet or white noise, and comfy seating/blankets/pillows help. Don’t be afraid to use stim toys if that helps calm you down or focus better. And sometimes taking a walk out in nature while you talk can be less stressful because you don’t have to focus on facial expressions. It’s natural to have disagreements on things with another human person, but you shouldn’t have to be under that stress constantly. It helped me to have some ideas of how to change the cycle of arguments to one of understanding and working towards a solution together. I’m in a relationship now with a fellow neurodivergent, and some things just make sense about how we act. But other times, I really need a better understanding of where he’s coming from, and I don’t want to just assume or blame. It’s definitely a hard thing to learn, though, how to respond instead of just reacting to emotions. Nobody is perfect, and I hope that you have luck in discussing some things with your partner.

My partner is very accommodating and empathetic. We both have adhd and I'm almost certain their father is also autistic, so they have a lot of background experience in understanding how important setting expectations can be for neurodivergents. Every sunday we have a conversation about our obligations and tentative plans for the week, and once a month we schedule time to discuss any concerns we have about our interactions or positive actions we noticed and want to reinforce. We have separate bedrooms to establish a space of control and saftey for ourselves but often have "sleepovers" on one of the rooms. our living room is lit with orange string lights that are good enough to read under but dont agitate anyone who has a headache or is light sensitive. 10/10 I would reccommend but I'm never letting them go so my recommendation would be pointless lol

i also struggle with receiving patience from my partner

yes in arguments i am always told that the way i word things is rude or sarcastic, even tho i am always literal, especially during arguments, because i dont want to cause any confusion in the communication.

Yes

i’m in a pretty good relationship, he’s got ADHD and most likely on the spectrum as well, so most of my problems he can relate to or help me through. i’ve had meltdowns in front of him and he’s posed solutions once i was able to understand and worked with me through non verbal episodes. i’ve had the worst time dating until now ngl

Yes and I'm in a relationship