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Finches_Wishes

653d

I love my partner so much but sometimes it’s hard for us to effectively communicate or joke around because I’m autistic and I have adhd but He’s neurotypical and grew up with all brothers. I love them so much but it can be frustrating trying to get my feelings across to him or understand that they made a joke and didn’t mean what they said. Can anyone else relate to this??

Top reply
    • BulletproofRose

      653d

      I've dealt with a lot of this as my husband has learned some of my behaviors are just related to adhd and aren't things that should be made fun of or joked about in harsh ways. It gets better over time, but there are things he's used to joking about that he's having to change his mindset about so it takes some time 😔 The best thing you can do is to keep communicating what you're thinking/feeling. If they don't relate to the way your brain works, it's likely they just make assumptions about what you're feeling, based on how they would act. It can also help to remind yourself that this is a person who loves you and when they make a joke that feels hurtful, you can tell yourself that hurting you wasn't the intention. You can also ask if you aren't sure. It might feel a little weird for them if they say something they think is funny and you ask "is that a joke?" But sometimes that's a good way to show people that the joke they made isn't really something we find funny. As for expressing your feelings, it sounds like you are having trouble describing how you feel, not just with your partner. If that's the case, I'd recommend taking the opportunity to expand your vocabulary! 😊 if you do a search for "emotion wheel" you can find SO many descriptors for feelings. I find them helpful because they start very broad (are you happy, sad, angry?) but they help you get very specific in the end. I find that as I go through the emotions I have to give myself evidence for which one I choose and that helps me with explaining my feelings verbally.

    • BulletproofRose

      653d

      I've dealt with a lot of this as my husband has learned some of my behaviors are just related to adhd and aren't things that should be made fun of or joked about in harsh ways. It gets better over time, but there are things he's used to joking about that he's having to change his mindset about so it takes some time 😔 The best thing you can do is to keep communicating what you're thinking/feeling. If they don't relate to the way your brain works, it's likely they just make assumptions about what you're feeling, based on how they would act. It can also help to remind yourself that this is a person who loves you and when they make a joke that feels hurtful, you can tell yourself that hurting you wasn't the intention. You can also ask if you aren't sure. It might feel a little weird for them if they say something they think is funny and you ask "is that a joke?" But sometimes that's a good way to show people that the joke they made isn't really something we find funny. As for expressing your feelings, it sounds like you are having trouble describing how you feel, not just with your partner. If that's the case, I'd recommend taking the opportunity to expand your vocabulary! 😊 if you do a search for "emotion wheel" you can find SO many descriptors for feelings. I find them helpful because they start very broad (are you happy, sad, angry?) but they help you get very specific in the end. I find that as I go through the emotions I have to give myself evidence for which one I choose and that helps me with explaining my feelings verbally.

      • ForestSystem

        653d

        @BulletproofRose the emotion wheel is such a help! When I was in residential for a couple months, a couple months ago, they gave everyone emotion wheels, and one of my assignments in a day was to identify emotions from the wheel to staff, or to have them randomly select an emotion on the wheel and I would have to try to remember a time I felt it within a category (such as today, or at school, or at home and so forth). I got confused a lot (and still do) but it’s helped some. And sometimes I’ve found things that likely don’t make sense to others, or maybe they were joking (I’m not sure), but that actually helped me start to identify an emotion. Like one time I was frustrated and overwhelmed because I didn’t understand what perplexed means in relation to myself. So I was asking people and eventually someone said that “perplexed is what you’re feeling right now”, and that helped me oddly enough lol /lh

        • BulletproofRose

          653d

          @ForestSystem Yeah that makes a lot of sense! That's why we're so lucky to have the internet 😄 eventually you can find a description or a definition or example from someone and it finally makes sense to you!

    • MillyyMayy

      653d

      I am in the exact same boat. We have daily conversations about how my brain works. I know my partner is trying so hard but he forgets a lot of the time.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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