Feeling Out-of-Place in the Autism Community

I fully support self diagnosis, I self diagnosed before I was officially diagnosed last year. Many people (especially social media presences) don't show their struggles to the public online. It doesn't mean they don't have them, they just don't want their most vulnerable and private moments on blast for everyone to see

A lot of people that do that (in my short experience knowing I'm autistic and being involved in the community) is because they want to promote a different version of what autism CAN look like vs the stereotypical/ medical view which basically only shows defecits and the "burden" we place on those around us. I think most of those people started with good intentions but have just gone a little too far. The autism community should be more inclusive but (as a trait of autism) we can be very strict and stubborn thinkers once we've made up our minds about something.

Ugh, I can't stand when people act like that. Being neurodivergent is not always some super-awesome thing that's always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it sucks. I get really tired of words like "ableist" being thrown around. It is remarkably unhelpful to ignore hardship, that doesn't make the bad things go away.

This is something thats been on my mind recently. I'm 29 and got diagnosed with level one autism about a month and a half ago. I have a lot of internalized ablism and don't like the label, don't feel the pride I see a lot of people advocate for. I recognize my experiences are different than level 2 or 3, or high needs. Some days. But also, even though I'm level 1 I struggle in every social situation. Getting groceries feels impossible most days. I've also lost jobs. I *appear* fine to most people but im screaming on the inside a lot. There are days i can't handle driving without being severely impacted the rest of the day. There are days I wish I could take something to make it easier and i get jealous of adhders who get meds for their neurodivercity. I think the take away for me from the people who advocate for pride in their autism is this: society should treat us better. So much of the things I hate about my autism are things I was taught to hate about it OR things that are only a problem because of how society is structured and neurotypical social expectations. I like that there are people advocating for some compassion. Self compassion and compassion from others. I feel like the reason autistic people are at a higher risk for depression or suicide is because of society. But some days itd really be nice to be more "normal"