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itsnotmefr

670d

anyone have a hard time with attachment issues? if I meet someone new and they're "nice", I immediately want to spill everything about my life and it ends up backfiring on me. I literally have no friends currently, just acquaintances (except my partner but it gets hard to talk to them about things too). people may message me and ask if I'm okay but they just do it because they're nosy and "spill the tea" to others . I would post everything on social media too just because I wanted friends but they'd just ignore me even more. As of now, I don't post anything unless it's a picture or some music. I deleted all of my spam accounts and stories that i used for ranting. and I just don't say anything anymore. :/

Top reply
    • Scallywaggler

      670d

      Oh yeah I've had this type of experience, especially when I'm unstable, Im not sure if there's a good way to stop over sharing without pulling away from the person :( that of course is not ideal so I'd just want to try to watch what I said until I was sure about the relationship

    • Scallywaggler

      670d

      Oh yeah I've had this type of experience, especially when I'm unstable, Im not sure if there's a good way to stop over sharing without pulling away from the person :( that of course is not ideal so I'd just want to try to watch what I said until I was sure about the relationship

    • itsnotmefr

      670d

      thank you for your input, I really appreciate!!♡ I think that is something that goes through my mind every now and then bc I'm an over thinker, like "am I doing the same to them? do I actually have interest on how they are?" and the answers suppose are usually no, and yes. All my life, I felt bad if I forgot to ask someone how their day was or if something was wrong. in fact I remember in my youngest years, I always tried to talk to people and listen. I definitely do realize that the reason why I started wanting just talk was bc at home, it was the opposite. I couldn't talk abt what I thought so I had to listen to what they had to say without thinking about myself. it was always up in down, my brother was abu*ed so much by my dad infront of me, my mom always fought with him too bc she tried to protect my brother. but with me, because I was "daddy's princess" and I wasn't "harmed" or dad never layed a finger on me, nobody asked me how I felt, what was going on with me. when I thought my friends were there for me and me to them, bc ik they had their own fam problems, they'd turn their back on me saying "it's not the same as us, you weren't hurt directly, it doesn't count " it made it hard to communicate with people or picking up social cues. but like I said, it was a cycle: open,closed/listening, open, closed/listening.. plus people end up leaving me on read now lmao so I just don't bother ig :/

      • Schiele

        670d

        @itsnotmefr OOF, “it’s not the same, you weren’t hurt directly” is NOT okay to say to someone. Like, we all have different experiences and our pain may come from different causes, but it’s all valid and even if your experience isn’t the exact same as theirs your experiences are still valid. And I absolutely relate to forgetting to ask someone about themselves. Like, sometimes I’ll try to start a conversation, we’ll end it at the “my day was good,” and I’ll walk away thinking “oh crap, I saw they got a new dog on Facebook, why didn’t I ask about that?” or “wait hold on they seemed like they wanted to talk why did I leave to go do ?” There’s no flowchart to a perfect conversation and it’s super easy to forget things, especially with depression fog or anxiety telling you to over-analyze things so you forget to actually listen (that happens to me SO much that I walk away realizing I didn’t pay attention to anything because I was so in my head about what the correct amount of eye contact is *rolls eyes*). So try not to feel too bad because friendships take BOTH people to succeed, so even if you’re trying your hardest the other person putting in zero effort means they’re not worthy of your time. Also, just because you didn’t get physically hurt doesn’t mean you came out unscathed. The trauma of watching someone repeatedly get ab*sed is wicked bad alone, but getting ignored because you’re not the one actively needing help is neglect. I’m really sorry you had to live (and let’s be real if you’re still involved with your family you’re probably still living) through that, because it’s not something that you can easily forget or put behind you.

        • itsnotmefr

          670d

          @Schiele thank you ! :3

    • Schiele

      670d

      What you are now is like, where I’ve been since at least middle school. Except I don’t know if you’ve done this, but I’ve swung so hard in the other way immediately after the “wow am I oversharing to the point of pushing people away?” that I don’t really talk about anything about me unless prompted because I don’t know if people want to actually know me or if they just want someone to vent/share to. I know a lot of people that sound like you that I genuinely care about, but because of how often they type out massive posts venting about very stressful life events (that are things that absolutely should be vented because holding that stuff in is draining) I end up not responding beyond a heart/care react because I don’t have the energy to start a conversation that might end up taking multiple hours. I care so much about the friends of mine that end up steamrolling because they don’t have anyone else to spill to but man, no offense but it hurts to sit there for three hours being talked at without any of my interests being taken interest in. It also doesn’t help that a lot of the friends of mine that can talk a lot only ever seem to talk to me when they have problems and don’t reach out to see how I’m doing just for the sake of telling me a funny thing they found or to hear about my current fixation. That being said, I love being the person that people go to because they feel they can’t tell anyone else the things in their life because of either loose lips or no one who’ll listen because I want to be the person who helps. I don’t want to make it out that the failure to be close with anyone is on your shoulders because I definitely should be making more of an effort to reach out when I need or just want conversation and the people in your life might all actually be jerks (sometimes a person just has some real bad luck and meets a ton of people who just like to pretend to care to gossip, I unfortunately know some people like that :/), but how often do you ask your acquaintances about their lives? And not just the “Hi, how are you?” and letting the conversation end after they say “good,” but like, trying to learn about your friends and ask them about things that are important to them or you know they enjoy? There’s a lot of people I consider acquaintances but they consider me a friend because they’ve never asked about my interests unless it was something they’re also fixating on.

      • Schiele

        670d

        @Schiele But that might not be relevant. Like I said, some people just suck no matter how much you try to have positive interactions. I’ve taken to making some completely anonymous rant accounts (whoops like this) so I can vent to a void when I feel like venting. I know there’s plenty of people I can vent to, but I just can’t process the fact that there’s people out there who care enough to hear about my problems no matter how many times they reassure me

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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