Struggling with my self-identity as someone with ASD

Hey! My name is Gracie, im 18f and I have Kanners Syndrome ASD, diagnosed in first grade along with ADHD. And it’s something that my parents honestly kept secret from me for so long that when I did find out, I felt even more abnormal than I already did. But I want to know how to unmask myself, if that makes any sense. I’m not good socially so I don’t really know how to word this but almost all my life I have been gathering bits and pieces of what ‘normal’ looks like from people I interact with everyday and I put that into the way I project myself to others. And I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve been trying to let go of all my learned behaviors but it’s so difficult seeing as I don’t know what is masked and what isn’t. Have any of you ever dealt with this feeling? I feel foreign to myself and it’s affecting me pretty heavily, especially in my line of work. I work with special needs children who have similar disabilities as myself. I can’t keep feeling this way if I want to help prevent other children from ever feeling like this. I’d appreciate any advice anyone has to offer

Your answer

Jay55

2y ago

*meant to say “neurotypical folks have an easier time…”. This app needs a delete/edit feature in the chat 😅

Jay55

2y ago

Hi Gracie, what I’ve come to realize is that there’s no such thing as “normal” behaviors. There are, of course, a set of behaviors that are socially acceptable and a set of behaviors that aren’t. Neurological folks have an easier time identifying these without realizing it, but just because you may behave a certain way in front of one person and act differently alone doesn’t mean you are masking. Keep in mind that you never want to be disingenuous. You never want to behave in a way that’s not true to what you feel and who you are. Contrary to belief, it’s more socially unacceptable to be a “fake” person than to live out who you are. But if you do things that make you happy, surround yourself with supportive, caring individuals, you’ll find ways to “unmask” and create genuine connections with others in ways that are “socially acceptable”. Ultimately, you’ll find that the “real you” is the you that you don’t have to apologize to be.

The content in this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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