Struggling with ADHD and Self-Esteem: Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

I used to cry in bed at night about why out of 4 kids, I was the one that had everything wrong. Like why it couldn't have been evenly distributed amongst us. Then I found out not only that I have actual conditions, and me and my siblings only share a birth mother (I'm my dad's only kid), so my genetic make up is different than them. Then I found out about trauma being inherited and comparing my family history to my siblings and I'm like, well, I was almost guaranteed to be someone with Neverending adversity.

I also think everyone secretly hates me or is just tolerating me bc my adhd makes me feel so annoying (ex. Bad at telling stories, talking too much, don’t pay attention to what ppl are saying to me)

I used to feel like this a bit more in the past but sometimes I do now. I usually misinterpret things due to my ASD though and think people are always mad at me