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Star123

616d

How did you survive an emotionally abusive relationship? I feel completely lost and alone. I’m finding out my family was the source of a lot of my issues. But I’ve always felt like I owed them my life. I don’t know what to do. Nothing makes sense anymore. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. I’m angry at them, but also love them dearly. Awhile back, I said I wanted to move out (I’m 30), but my mom said she would disown me and my dad said he needed me. Now he is sick so everything has gotten so much worse. Please, if you can relate or have any advise, I need to hear it. This is all getting overwhelming.

Top reply
    • Star123

      603d

      @Crazycatlady100 So sorry for the late reply! I didn’t get alerted on my phone. Thank you for your response. Any bit of advise helps, and I will definitely check out tik tok.

    • Crazycatlady100

      613d

      Yes they did sacifice for you, but that was their job as a parent to do, to say so is narcissistic behavior. Know it is not selfish to take care of yourself. Just know that their response to you is from their trauma and how they were taught. Boundaries are not easy. And needs to be reinforced. To set Boundaries you have to basically stand up for yourself. Or maybe you stop doing something or perhaps say something anymore. I personally have a hard time not talking to not respond is hard for me. So If someone is being a jerk I stop talking. Or an example I saw on a video was not being the driver for a free loader friend. I really wish you the best of luck, standing up for yourself is not easy. Wish I was there to high five you when you do though. I also recommend tictok, I learned a lot about all this from there, I didn't know anything about this stuff before I got on tictok. I just like being on here and knowing I am not the only one, it makes me feel not so different.

      • Star123

        603d

        @Crazycatlady100 So sorry for the late reply! I didn’t get alerted on my phone. Thank you for your response. Any bit of advise helps, and I will definitely check out tik tok.

    • Crazycatlady100

      615d

      Oof, being stuck in a situation that makes your anxiety worse is horrible. Just because they are family does not mean you owe them anything. Is you owing them your life something that was drilled into you head by others? Or do u really feel like you owe them? I have never heard this over a forced I love you and am genuinely curious. Boundaries! Set Boundaries, you do even need to respond to their bad behavior. Especially if the are being abusive with what they are saying or doing. You are not waisting your life, you were not delt the same cards as others who "have their life together " or given the tools they were to move through life at the pace they are. You are right where you need to be for you. Of course advice with a grain of salt, as you don't know how they will respond to such things. You are important, and you need to be important to you. One day at a time.🤗

      • Star123

        614d

        @Crazycatlady100 I think the feeling of owing them came mostly from my mom. She always said how much they sacrificed for me. I don’t know, I just always felt like everything was my fault. Sorry if this sounds stupid, but how do you set boundaries? I always feel bad saying I need things. It either makes me feel weak, selfish, or guilty. I’m curious how do boundaries work so I can try to use them. And thank you!

        • Akireeel

          613d

          @Star123 setting boundaries can be so hard to learn and it takes practice and intention (I’m still learning how to do so myself). I’m currently reading a book called ‘Permission to Come Home’ that had a chapter about boundaries. The book is specific to the Asian American diaspora, but I think the content could still be useful for people outside of that community.

    • daisypancakes

      616d

      Ok so. I would probably be in your shoes had I not moved out with my now husband at 21. And I only did because of abuse that was happening at home and him saying move in with me or never see me again BUT that being said it was the best choice I ever made. Yes it's hard and it's emotional but in the long run it will help your mental health. They are just trying to keep you under their thumb it seems so they can control you. Good luck to you and 8m more than happy to talk if you need it.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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