I think I know why I'm so crazy. For some reason I like watching and drawing violent things like blood and stuff. Is that bad? And I've been depressed and I had pills. But of course they hardly worked and I had to get a therapist to see if my pills needed to be changed. So the day I went to the therapist the lady wasn't there for some reason. So they said we had to wait until next month. I only have 10 pills left I can't wait. and I can't get the same prescription because they aren't working! I was ready to freak out because I didn't know what to do. I haven't cried in a while. It's probably because "I have no more tears to cry" or I'm used it. Sometimes I go to my moms place where she has this boyfriend. which is now her husband... and he's abusive to her. but she stays with him because he's rich. She always says she's fine standing there with a black eye. Her Husband doesn't dare touch me because he knows my grandma (which I live with rn) with get him in alot of trouble. my mom doesn't know what it does to me. and a while ago someone broke my phone so I asked her to get it fixed. I also asked her husband and he said he was "broke" which I know he wasn't. so my mom saves up money to fix the phone. she says they won't get in my phone so there's no need to get the password. She said it would only take a day or two. which i could live with. She took it for 2 months and somehow she got the password and deleted all my passwords and emails. so now I've been signed out of alot of things. And for me trust is a big thing. so I got mad and said that I would trust her again. Then I found out she didn't fix it. cracked it more AND factory reset it. and she went through all my stuff (including alot of personal things like my vent drawings and vent paragraphs) and she texted all my friends to give me my own number? and my brother is related to me by my mom only. I don't know my dad and my brother's dad used to abuse my mom. and now his dad has a new girlfriend which is controlling over my brother. and his dad is in alot of trouble so he might have to live with me and my grandma now. I've also had really realistic su1c1d3 dream which had scared me because I recognized the place which I'm now scared to lay in for some reason. But I I don't want to keep this too long so I'll either have a part 2 or leave this here. I'm going to have a Part for the dream I had. I am gonna warn that it is graphic and has su1c1d3 themes. But nobody will prb see this lol because I know people have it worse than me hah I know I'm being dramatic. [NEVER HURT YOUSELF OR ATTEMPT ANYTHING VOILENT. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR A REASON. DONT WASTE IT!!!]