Struggling with My Emotions and Relationships

i don’t understand what’s wrong with me, people have been telling me i’m plain rude for not wanting to talk to them or lashing out at loved ones, i don’t get why but i dislike everything right now, some days i love them some days i despise them, i cant control it, they make it seem like i’m this duche, when i just don’t feel like talking to people, today my mom looked at me and said “how can something so pretty be so ugly in the inside” when it’s literally her and my fathers fault, they never treated me right has a kid, and i was never taught how to express emotions, so when i distance myself from them for weeks they act all surprised, but when i was a kid they told me to shut up and suck it up, why would i want to be near them when i’m emotional