Struggling with Digestive Issues and Obsessive Thoughts

how can you go from one extreme to the other. for example, for 13 years from 12 to like 23 with a year break in between, I was taking Imodium every single day. I was so constipated I'd bleed, I'd be sore, if I wasn't hurting it was wrong lol and now.... after getting off Imodium, losing my life I've always known (country life) I am scared of hurting, bleeding or having any pain. it consumes my life, what I eat, everything! I used to not care about hemorrhoids and fissures and now I do whatever I can go avoid it and live off mostly veggies. I stopped eating what I love (french bread, pizza, burgers) and I eat fruits and veggies. today I used the bathroom and it stung it burned. I'm on my monthly. I'm in significant amount of stress (moved in our own home after a year of living in hotels and with family) and it's hard. how can I fix this with out medication? why did this happen? I'm on pretty much year 8 of it. kinda started after I lost my son. so that was 2013 that's when I started changing a bit but the fears of hems started after I quit Imodium in 2010. right after I lost my horses and farm I lived on. I'm just tired of it consuming my life and I don't know anyone else who has this type of obsessive disorder. I used to take photos of my bum to check. stopped that a year ago .. then I started checking it by touching to make sure theirs no cuts or anything. it's time consuming and it is an obsession I hate.