Struggling with Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Suicidal Ideation

So I got discharged from the mental hospital on the 12th, it was very helpful for me, it gave me new tools to grow and learn more about myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and chronic suicidal ideation, no biggie, already knew that i was just waiting for them to catch up. They put me on seroquel and hydroxyzine for mood stabilization and sleep, respectively. It is nowthe 26th. I have been manic for 4 days now. I called my psychiatrist on day 2 to let her know whats happening, left a voicemail, havent heard back. I am struggling so bad right now. Like I am at the end of my rope. My SI has skyrocketed (as it does sometimes), and i am surrounded by stressors. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, i’m gonna call my psychiatrist again to see if i can at least get a receptionist, i’m going to the cemetery to visit my dads grave. I’m putting in the work. I want to get better so badly but I’m not sure if it’s ever goimg to happen. I’m just putting this out there into the world so that at least someone can know that i’m trying. I am so scared, but im trying.