Struggling to Care About School Work and Wanting to Die Everyday

@Asia_Unique, please don't give up hope. Even the worst despair is not permanent. It really sucks while it's there, but it will pass. I've lived long enough to look back and see several times that I was in the grip of a strong emotion, and at the time, it felt totally convincing and like I would feel that way forever. Spoiler alert: I don't still feel that way. Stick around, give yourself a chance to experience new things, and learn to be your own best friend. It sounds cheesy, I get it, but it does help. Things will get better, as long as you refuse to give up. Sometimes that takes all your energy and willpower, right? But you have enough. Believe that you have enough, and you will.

please read more posts and comments on here, it’s certainly helped me. it can help you find some ways to manage. also, your sister sounds like she doesn’t care very much about your mental health. she reminds me of my sister. when someone just doesn’t seem to think about what they say or how it hurts you, you have to accept that they just don’t care enough to spare the effort. i’m not saying she doesn’t care about you but I think you should judge off actions. has she changed her behavior because she knows you have depression and is trying to help? has she apologized for hurting you? then if she hasn’t maybe it’s just because she doesn’t care as much as she should. because if she did then maybe she’d be willing to help. you can’t help someone help you when they’re unwilling. you’re not the problem. it’s them for not caring enough. you can try first by telling her when she says something that really triggers you and makes you upset or angry or depressed. but if you do that and she still isn’t willing to stop, then it’s not you. you’ve tried. it’s them. this is something i had to learn the hard way. when you accept that, it’s easier to ignore what they say, because if you don’t matter as much to them then what they say should just go over your head. well i don’t really know because i’m not and expert and i’m sorry because i really started projecting my sister onto yours because she reminded me of her but yeah. please read some other posts and try to keep an open mind and not shoot down everything.

You are right. That is such a hard feeling to be so vulnerable and receive nothing in return. But you deserve love and will find it. And I care.