Idk what your going through, but it does get better. I’ve had these thoughts also and every time I tell myself that I can’t let people win like that. I just believe in myself and get back up every time. And there’s also my beliefs. I’m a witch btw not a Christian. But that’s not relevant. Try to distract yourself with something positive or people that understand you. I recently got rejected from the one place I thought I belonged and lost everything I worked hard for a passionately believed in do to an injustice. And it hurts and I’m going through depression rn. But I still have hope despite suicidal thoughts. Please don’t give up.

I fight those feelings frequently too. It's so painful. I don't think it will ever completely go away but I can tell you that meds and therapy have helped me cope. It's extremely hard work to fight these tendencies sometimes but now I have tools and understanding that make it more bearable. The biggest thing for me is constantly reminding myself that it WILL pass. Every single time. I've accepted that this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, which sucks. But I've learned that I CAN have a good life anyway. I just need to take care of myself the best that I can and enjoy/appreciate the good days. If you ever want to talk you can message me.