So, catharsis is weird, right?

It validation to your feelings but can also be interpreted as a form of revenge.

I'm just thinking about how my Father Figure apparently openly couldn't stand my abuser. He was civil about it to a point where I didn't realize how angry he actually was until years after his death.

He really did want to protect me and saw how I was being hurt, but he was just as powerless as I was. That must've really hurt him.

I hope he knows I don't hold that against him. I hope he knows that in a perfect world he could've taken me and raised me in a household that made an effort to understand me and show me unconditional love, but I understand why that wasn't possible.

I also understand why he kept me in the dark about how he really felt about the situation.

I wish I didn't have to live with the impression that he was like the other adults that brushed off just how bad everything was and only really dealt with the side effects of the abuse, but he literally couldn't fix the problem directly without causing more destruction.

I wish I knew all this before, but I'm so happy knowing how much someone really did see me. Of course it was him.


Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

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