Struggling with Codependency and Resentment in My Relationship

I feel so alone. Im liked and have friends but none of them are even in the same state and my fiance and have been having trouble for a long time and just haven't been able to disentangle the web of codependence and resentment from unmet expectations. im a mess who cant go 2 weeks without a breakdown and keeps tanking everything jobs school and relationships and she feels like shes responsible for everything because im a fuck up with anything that matters yet im the only one who takes care of our dog or shops or cooks, or gets food at least, or drives or takes out the trash or does laundry but i haven't had a job in 2 months and we're living off the good will of her dad and her money from school but it was the same shit when i had a job, except i could barely save anything and it felt like living paycheck to paycheck and i just can't make anything work and I don't know if im a leech or if im being taken advantage of or both or neither and I don't know how to be happy with any kind of consistency and it always feels like my life is crumbling but for 29 years constantly fucking up and just continuing to somehow keep going without making progress at a rate that keeps up with how much harder everything seems to get and really im the one to blame but im not who i want to be so its no different than blaming someone else. imagine sharing a room with me. id want some space too. but i really need to be held and I don't want to lose her because I love her so much shes so funny and shes so kind without talking any shit from anyone and maybe i just short circuit her brain because shes taking shit from me but she doesn't want to hurt me and she loves me but shes unhappy. idk this is a rant this is nothing please don't give me advice because none of this is coherent enough to give good advice on but ill use what you say to hurt myself. just. im sorry if you read this shit. also no im not in crisis im just doing this because crying doesn't seem to help.