Navigating PTSD and Grief: A Survivor's Story

I don't know what to say here. I am a survivor of my PTSD past. I am a suicide attempt survivor. I had a recent setback in my healing journey of my PTSD. That has to do with my trauma relating to grief. My uncle passed away this year in April of 2022. It has been affecting me badly and I miss him very much. I don't do well when losing someone to death. So about three weeks ago I almost attempted or thought of suicide. It's very hard to talk about it. But here I am talking about it. I didn't want to be alone. My partner was with me to make sure I am not alone to try to do it. I have a really hard time breathing and calming my body. I called the crisis hotline that night. I was having a very huge panic PTSD attack episode. I haven't had it in two years. So I ended up in the hospital ER that night under suicide watch. Where I have a choice to be hospitalized. Now I battle every day to do the best I can to fight this. I think of every day that is what is worth living for. It's getting better a little bit every day. I am seeking professional help now. I am doing everything in my power to get help. Before I have to resort to being hospitalized as my last option. I have been going through a lot. I have these very strong emotions and it's still very hard to deal with them. I just want to be normal and only deal with my ADHD. I have had PTSD my whole life. I just want to be normal and heal from it. I am tired of having PTSD and not knowing when my next episode/ panic attack is or trigger moment. Also dealing with the grief of my uncle who passed away this year. Yet also trying to deal with my grief trauma. I hope someone had something similar to this. I am still trying to find grief, suicide attempt survivors, and PTSD support groups. I just feel all alone in these feelings. They just feel so intense and scary. I don't want to go through all of it alone.