psychological non epileptic seizure PNES are attacks that may look like epileptic seizures but are not epileptic and instead are caused by psychological factors.

It is very real and not something you do to yourself. There are multiple causes, I don't know what the cause for mine is yet but they are very real and I have no control over them. I've had many that make me feel like it's my fault and I should just stop, but alas it doesn't work like that. I'm sorry people are making you feel like that too.