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742d

my partner and I get into arguments sometimes. he's bipolar and has been through a lot of abuse, but whenever this happens I try to get him to open up and talk about why we're fighting. he usually refuses to communicate with me, causing me to shut down. realistically, i know he just needs his space, but my anxiety creeps in and those overbearing and overthinking thoughts come in to play and i end up in a complete breakdown. i know there are parts in our fights and communication that we both individually need to work on, but how can I keep myself from elevating to such extreme levels of severe depression and (tw) suicidal tendencies when we do get into these arguments? he asks me for space but my need to be consoled by the one i love is still extremely strong even when we're fighting because those thoughts are scary and i don't want them there, obviously, but i know he will only get more pissed off if i keep bothering him when we're upset. i usually hold my cat after these fights, but i'm not sure how else to cope and calm myself without (tw) cutting, scratching, or just generally hurting myself in some way to redirect my thoughts instead to a real physical feeling :( does anyone have advice? or similar experiences?

    • Asp

      742d

      I do this with my roommate. I've learned to give space. One of the best things we ever did was get a clock and paint it colors. Green means okay I can talk right now, yellow is we can talk but I'm reaching my limit and red is please don't talk to me right now. We use it all the time, but it's especially helpful in arguments because it let's ME know when they're okay to discuss it and have worked it out enough in their head that they're ready to communicate. I was bad about chasing them down before and that's never a good thing

    • Bellaa3

      742d

      I had the same type of relationship and honestly, we didn’t know how to work it out because my partner would leave but the best thing we did was agree that we need to try communicating whenever we’re upset with each other and it didn’t work that much but after I caused harm to myself, I left a while since I was hospitalized and the space within each other helped us to come back in a healthy way because sometimes needing that break within each to get better, helps a lot. Not sure how to help you with it but your partner shouldn’t be mad at you or anything but understanding on how you feel so they would do their best to not be selfish. I’m sorry that I can’t be much of a help but I hope this helps.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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