Try watching an Eckhart Tolle video on YouTube…. He is wonderful to listen to and has helped people all over the world including me! ❤️

motivators... for me, it's less things pushing me forward to do better in life, but things pulling me away from ending it. if that makes sense. i feel hopeless about my mental health road, too. it's terrifying because it's hard to find anyone who has been on my exact path. but i know that i would cause so much more pain to the people around me if i end my life, so i restrain myself from uncontrollably spiraling. these same people always encourage me and respond to when i am in a bad place mentally, so i'd like to think i do it for them. and also my dog. i love my dog so much. i can't promise any one resource or decision would fix all of your problems. but i am cheering for you, OP, that you keep fighting, and if need be, keep letting those pulling forces keep you alive like they have for me. sending many hugs ♡

hi! i definitely can’t say I know your experience, but i have struggled with depression for quite a while. in the last few years i’ve been “coming out of it,” though. after years of therapy, IOP, trying so many different meds, something finally clicked. i realized that i was not a problem to be solved, but a human who needed love and support, especially from myself. i had so much internalized self-loathing and thought i was defective because of my illness, and that the goal was to make it go away and be normal. i have found so much healing in trying to get to know and accept myself just as i am. this doesn’t mean i don’t want change, but that i now try to live from the perspective of taking care of myself, for me, instead of meeting others’ expectations. this is just my experience and so if it doesn’t resonate with you that’s ok. sending love ❤️