Missing the Person I Used to Be

Hey man, I really feel what you’re saying. I want you to know it’ll get better though, okay? Because you’re going to be a better version of that person soon, you’re just on the journey to see who that revamped version will be. Right now I’m really struggling with the fact that after what happened to me, I went from being a very touchy and physically affectionate person to someone who WILL break down and have a panic attack if someone touches me without my explicit permission now, and sometimes that really kills me because I feel like I lost something hugely important to me and I can’t even control it. But as long as I tell myself that it’s not permanent, and that I’m just healing and I need time to get that back, and focus on the fact that I’ll find my new equilibrium soon, I know I can survive it. Thank you for sharing; you’re in metamorphosis right now, and we’re all so excited to see what beautiful person you come out of it being. As the eleventh doctor says in Doctor Who: “We all change, if you think about it. We’re all different people, all through our lives. And that’s okay, you’ve got to keep moving; so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I won’t forget one line of this. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.” Hope you’re taking care of yourself. Remember that you are loved <3

i don’t think i even was anyone before my trauma. i had a really traumatic childhood, and have been depressed since i was about 5 years old because of it. i have cptsd, or complex ptsd. i don’t even know if there was a time before i had trauma

I wish I didn't have trauma cuz I don't remember our time like that