15 Years of Masking: Who Am I?

I just did some math and I'm 20 I started masking when I was 6-yr- old that means I've been masking for 15 years. I can't believe I did this to myself. because I don't even know who I am anymore. why was all the adults in my life always so hard on me. why from pre-k to eighth grade was I bullied? why in pre-k that no one want to hang out with me but wanted to hang out with all the other kids? why was I both physically and mentally bullied from kindergarten through 6th grade? why was I mentally bullied from 7th through 8th grade? I started masking in first grade when I was 6 years old. why should a 6-year-old mask you ask? because adults put you down and punish you and the other kids bully you. I don't understand why I thought it was okay to force myself to mask just to stop the criticism from adults and the bullying from the other kids. my ex-fiance he would get mad at me and would yell at me because he noticed I was masking well in his words I was pretending to be someone else. and I told him I didn't know how to stop and he would get very angry with me I told him I don't know how to stop because I've been doing it for so long but that doesn't matter I try to explain it to him so many times but him and his mom kind of gained up on me and always saying oh of course always something with you or something like that.