just venting
read and respond if you want

i never wanted to lose my virginity to someone i care about because i feared they would hurt me and i wouldn’t be able to let go mentally from them.
so i lost it to someone i wasn’t attracted in any form … i told him i never wanted something serious just sex .. we have sex once and it was TERRIBLE..
my plan was to check off everything off my bucket list before i planned on checking out and i was almost done
so i told myself no harm could be done from doing this sexual experience w/ him.
he ghosted me after 3 days … i’m not mad i’m just lost on what df just happened and why didn’t he just communicate that he no longer wanted to mess with me.

i ended up not checking out …

so now i’m here living with my semi-regrets

i meet my current boyfriend and i’m scared for him to touch me sexually because it’s going to remind me of him. my boyfriend is really understanding and i love him for that but i feel like eventually i will be come more and more emotionally not available

i haven’t seen the boy who took my virginity… until today working at a fast food restaurant and i pretended as if i didn’t even know him … and said thank you when he handed me my food … i wanted to disappear when i seen him whispering and talking about me to his other workers … i don’t know how to feel .. i’m trying to keep my head up and not be bothered because i don’t want to ruin the good mood that i’ve been for the longest time …

life …sucks

Mood changes


Sex therapy


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  • PlantPapa


    Sorry you're feeling that way and thanks for sharing. I hope sharing how you're feeling helps. I think everyone, even those not depressed, have regrets about things they've done. I also think many people have bad or awkward or embarrassing first experiences with sex as well. I know I fit both of those things. Losing your virginity can be very overblown as a significant event for many different reasons. But I hope you know you can set that experience in the past and grow beyond it and learn to enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend whether that includes sex or not. Try not to put major expectations on yourself, and remember, it's supposed to be playful and fun! I know I also worry about the future and if my depression will get worse or better, but all I can do is try to make the best of each day as it comes. I definitely hope you can get to a good therapist for you to discuss this more with a professional. Good luck!

    • emptyy


      thank you soo much you don’t understand how much i really needed to hear this

      • PlantPapa


        glad I could help. I believe you can and will get better!

  • IceCup


    Same with the idea of losing ur virginity..I wanted to lose mine the same way so I started talking to men online..

  • Cowboy_frog



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