not entirely sure what to put here, don’t think i’ve ever posted on this app, but here goes.

been feeling really homesick lately, which would make sense if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve lived in this city for our entire life and in this house for 16 years. want to go back to school and major in music and do what i want to do. fought hard for it a couple years ago when i was the “main driver”, didn’t get anywhere and being so homesick and not being able to do anything about it made me so miserable. stopped driving and i just dropped the whole thing, i wasn’t in charge anymore, so i didn’t think it mattered.

became a pretty frequent driver again around this time last year, pushed and pushed to be able to go to school and go back home, failed again, and it once again made me so miserable that i just quit driving.

so, for the past year, our current main driver has been making plans to move somewhere else, to a place that feels like home to them, and all the others are fine with it, but i am strongly against the idea. i don’t want to make any plans or decisions solely based on myself because i don’t want to make everyone else miserable, but i am so exhausted of sacrificing myself and what i want for the sake of everyone else.

tldr: i’m homesick, everyone else wants to move somewhere else and i’m extremely upset about it. i feel like i don’t really have a strong opinion in the matter but i’m sick of sacrificing everything about me for everyone else.