My partner and I have had our first real fight recently. Several of them actually. This will mostly be a rant and desperate attempt and getting impartial people. It started when I lost my wallet and couldn't get a hold of the people it was apparently with. This caused a meltdown. It's always been a problem when I've had breakdowns because my partner has always been bad at helping me work through them. They react so extremely to my negative emotions to a point where I just feel guilty for upsetting them and having negative emotions around them at all. Hence why I continuously bottle up my feelings. When they do understand that I need help more than they need to be freaking out about me being upset, they don't really listen to what the problem is or pay attention to cues I give. It always seems like I have to say EXACTLY what I need from them or they'll just make an assumption. I can't always communicate that clearly when I am panicking. No reading between the lines, no nuance, no reading my mannerisms. Not to mention the repeated reminders to them to do their adult responsibilities. Like replacing the broken mattress that I starting mentioning over a year ago and is physically hurting me. It became a real fight. Partially because this had been our reality for almost 2 years. I did things I wasn't proud of, but I was just so angry. And they were angry at me me too. We'd talk it out, make up, move on, but the wallet being missing still made me panic every time I remembered a new problem with that being the case. So we had to go through this cycle multiple times. Each time we had to visit the issue that they don't listen. They took responsibility, and I want to trust that they're actually going to change, but the small issues that I've gotten them to take responsibility for in the past have been relapsed on time and time again. It's hard for me to trust them. I hate ultimatums. And I have no real desire to leave. But I finally had to say that if I'm not being listened to and I'm constantly having to put my feelings aside, and disrupt my health, and put my life on pause when I get no reciprocation, I can't stay and keep getting hurt. I hate that I had to say things that I know hurt them, but they needed a reality check. Before anyone tells me that everything is horrible and I just need to end it all, please understand that this is just the problems in the relationship and me finally losing my patience. This is such a small part of the past two years. It took two years to fight for the first time. TL;DR: I'm hurt that I had a real fight with my partner for the first time. I know that things needed to be said, but I hate that I had to hurt them to do it.