SunInAugust

202d

tw:sa


I'm really struggling with 2 things.
One, the internalized belief that im not enough.
Two, shame of my current sex life.

I grew up with a lot of adversity like early childhood sexual assault, neglect, abuse. I also grew up undiagnosed autistic with a lot of bullying and difficulty connecting to others in a positive way.
I feel like I have no examples where I was enough for anyone. I've either been too much or too little. And as much as I can validate myself, we were meant for community and connection.
And I haven't managed to have a real relationship despite really trying. I haven't woken up next to someone I love or even kissed someone I like. I've kissed plenty of people but its all meaningless. I've never showered with someone.
I crave intimacy, understandably. But I fear with my trauma and all the triggers qnd the autism that ill never be able to connect the way I need to.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • Chihiro

    202d

    ❤️ I am in the same boat as you.

    • SunInAugust

      201d

      im sorry to hear that. I'm glad I'm not totally alone in it though.

  • Khosh

    201d

    I completely relate, I think a step would be starting with emotional intamacy with a trusted friend, if you have one, If not I would journal down all the things you wish you could tell someone, you may cry and have a reaction but it’s a big emotional relief. Then for physical stuff, start by get it in touch and grounded with your own body, figure out what you like and don’t like. I hope this helps a little

    • SunInAugust

      201d

      emotional intimacy is surprisingly easy. I've never enjoyed 'finding what I like'. I feel like it's just missing the element if connection that I really want out of it all so its just insipid.

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