I'm in a new relationship, and I can't help but feel like I'm quickly sabotaging it. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish my emotions didn't control me so much. I'm trying my best to use DBT skills, but I feel like I'm failing. I'm so scared I'm going to ruin another relationship. I hate having BPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
BPD SUCKS and is NOT easy. Hang in there. Progress is not linear, we have good days and bad days. But please rest in the fact that you ARE doing the best you can given what you’re going through. I always tell my inner abandonment issues that if they did leave over something trivial, they didn’t deserve me anyway and I’m way better off without them. I believe in you and I know you’ll get through this ❤️
Thank you. I'm trying so, so hard. I care about him so much and I'm so scared. I hope he can see that I'm trying my hardest.
I've been with my current partner for 5 years and let me tell you from experience that if they do truly love you or care for you, they will try to help you and work with you when you're having a bad day or something. Yeah at first it will be hard and your partner will have to get used to it but it will become easier each day for your partner to handle the situation and comfort you and all the good stuff that comes with it. Just make sure you communicate what you need when you're having moments even if it's a small thing like a hug!! As long as they know what you need and that person cares enough to try, it'll be okay!! 💕
What is the best way that my partner can support me? What do I tell him?
tell him that sometimes you don't say what you mean. I know one of my biggest issues is I get angry quickly and I yell and then I feel horrible immediately after because I didn't want to yell at the person I love most. But just make sure he knows that you have moments where you don't mean to hurt him but you might. The best way he can support you is to not get angry with you in these times and to just help you calm down by maybe giving you a hug or telling you that you'll be alright and that whatever is making you upset, will pass. Even if it's just you in a store overstimulated (happens to me) just make sure he knows that being angry or anything negative, won't help you at all.
Over the past week I feel like I've spent the last 3 days trying to sabotage 😥 ive been in multiple arguements and tried breaking things off twice and then said maybe we need a separation for awhile. I use DBT skills when I can but BPD people know how it is, you get so caught up in the moment and your feelings that it doesn't come to your mind until after its happened. Thats when I try to sit down with him and say, "hey, im sorry I acted like this and I know it should not be tolerated. I cant help myself in the moment but I recognize what I did wrong and I will keep working on being better in the future. "
I had a sit down with him yesterday. It's so interesting how intense a situation is in our minds vs "reality". This is so tough...
I don't know when you started DBT but after group ends, using the skills at home is a major adjustment. I think it's because in group everyone is using DBT skills but at home, it's usually just you. I had a similar experience with my best friend where I felt like I had to hold back but I found that if I just told them things like "I'm feeling sad today so I might be quiet" or I'm feeling angry right now so I'm going to sit outside" they were more understanding because I wasn't throwing emotions at them.
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