See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

suki

785d

I find myself unable to truly care about things, and I have really bad intrusive thoughts. I constantly think about ending it, and I sometimes end up harming myself, just to feel something. I recently started antidepressants, but I'm not seeing any changes yet, and I'm not sure if I believe it will help anything. Nothing in particular has happened to me to cause this, so oftentimes I feel as if trying to change is hopeless. I constantly think about whether or not I'd truly care, even if someone close to me died. I can't bring myself to tell anyone about these thoughts, even when I know how unhealthy this mindset is, I can't find it in myself to care. I find many things to be tedious, and I spend the majority of my time holed up in my room. recently my appetite has even waned.

Top reply
    • ajar

      785d

      TLDR: Even if you don't care about anything, you have to make yourself reach out for help, otherwise things won't get better. TW: suicide This is how I felt when my depression started. There was no obvious cause, it was my sophomore year of college and my classes weren't hard, I had a bunch of friends, I was doing okay financially. I even started going to a therapist through the school health center and saw the psychiatrist as well, and started some antidepressants. But that ability to care just left me. I stopped going to classes, I stopped seeing my friends, I barely left my dorm since I was in a single room. After 3 or 4 months, I did end up attempting suicide. Luckily I texted one of my friends to say goodbye and he called 911, and I spent 48 hours in the hospital and then 3 days in a psych ward. After I got out I was admitted into intensive therapy through the school, both individual and group therapy for 6 months. I also started different medications, and after a couple months things started to get a little better. The 4th will mark 4 years since that attempt, and the progress has been slow, but it has gotten better. I see a therapist every other week, and I'm on 3 different antidepressants, 2 different anxiety meds, and I have a sleeping medication, as well as taking a bunch of vitamins. Things are better. There's still a long way to go, but I know I can get there now. And I know you can too, but you have to take the first steps. You owe it to yourself to at least try, there's a whole world of amazing things waiting on the other side of this wall

    • lithnide

      784d

      I deal with similar issues. I'm 29 and have struggled with severe depression for a long time (was officially diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder new years of 2021 after a suicide attempt on new years), as well as other mental illnesses (borderline personality disorder, ADHD, social anxiety, and I'm an HSP - highly sensitive person; it's not a disorder or condition, but it's a trait that affects how your nervous system is wired. But we tend to feel emotions more deeply than the average person.) When I was younger I had bad frequent mood swings which sucked, but at least I'd occasionally get a break from the deep sadness/negative emotions I often experienced because I'd have manic/happier/hyper moments where I actually temporarily felt okay, or at least closer to okay. But NOW... The last couple years-ish, it's as if my personality has died, or at least parts of it have... Idk if certain medications caused this or if it's just a result of long-term untreated depression... But all I feel is emptiness, emotional numbness, severe depression, anhedonia (inability/reduced ability to experience/feel pleasure, enjoy activities/hobbies/things you used to, and nothing really interests you anymore) the depression sucks, but the anhedonia is KILLING me. Life just feels so lacking... So bland... so "colorless" and boring in a way I cannot describe or put words to. I actually admitted myself to the hospital the 15th of last month because my depression finally felt so bad one day, I was like "if I don't go get help, ASAP, I WILL start getting suicidal again. Anyway, I wish I had more to say or some helpful advice, but the most I can do at this point is to let you know that you aren't alone, and you can message me if you really need/want someone to talk to that can relate/understand what you're going through better than the average person.

    • ajar

      785d

      TLDR: Even if you don't care about anything, you have to make yourself reach out for help, otherwise things won't get better. TW: suicide This is how I felt when my depression started. There was no obvious cause, it was my sophomore year of college and my classes weren't hard, I had a bunch of friends, I was doing okay financially. I even started going to a therapist through the school health center and saw the psychiatrist as well, and started some antidepressants. But that ability to care just left me. I stopped going to classes, I stopped seeing my friends, I barely left my dorm since I was in a single room. After 3 or 4 months, I did end up attempting suicide. Luckily I texted one of my friends to say goodbye and he called 911, and I spent 48 hours in the hospital and then 3 days in a psych ward. After I got out I was admitted into intensive therapy through the school, both individual and group therapy for 6 months. I also started different medications, and after a couple months things started to get a little better. The 4th will mark 4 years since that attempt, and the progress has been slow, but it has gotten better. I see a therapist every other week, and I'm on 3 different antidepressants, 2 different anxiety meds, and I have a sleeping medication, as well as taking a bunch of vitamins. Things are better. There's still a long way to go, but I know I can get there now. And I know you can too, but you have to take the first steps. You owe it to yourself to at least try, there's a whole world of amazing things waiting on the other side of this wall

    • suki

      785d

      There are certain emotions I don't feel altogether. I never truly feel sadness or grief, which is why I'm afraid I wouldn't care if something happens to someone close to me.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion