Struggling with Mental Health

I am struggling with a variety of things that are quite bizarre and that no one understands. One is anorexia and the anorexia demon that is wispy like the wind and makes everything cold. My girlfriend who is apparently an hallucination isn't coming around as often and I miss her. I keep having memories of the past or what could be my past if I was real. People often think I'm a troll because my thoughts are bizarre and complex but I'm not a troll, I am honest about the things I believe and experience. I'm incredibly sad and isolated and it's only going to get worse. I want to die. I hate myself with a passion and I don't want to live.

Anxiety, depression, BPD and feeling worthless and like I'm never going to be good enough or accomplish anything in life. Nor have a proper romantic relationship that will amount to anything especially what I want. Oh well. I'm slowly coming to terms with it as someone has told me, everything happens for a reason. So I don't know why I'm having to endure all this but there must be some reason behind it.

I'm struggling with Depression Anxiety (including social anxiety) ADHD Executive Dysfunction Over sleeping Exhaustion Self harm thoughts Scoliosis Chronic back pain Body image issues Self identity issues Self esteem Impulsiveness Feeling like a failure Burnout Feeling like I'm behind Unable to maintain good habits (like eating good, cleaning and other basic things)

I struggle with depression Anxiety Insomnia Suicidal thoughts Isolating myself