Struggling with a Complicated Relationship

so I made a post before about my roommate/ex/ pseudo relationship and tonight we had a conversation one we have had on multiple occasions but it was different in the past we would settle it by the end in a nice calmness giving each other to think about how to express our emotions properly but tonight it ended with him just leaving and going home I'm not at home and won't be until the 18th because of my job when I came back inside though I fell to my knees and cried so hard I couldn't breathe and my vision went black I just had a straight mental breakdown and just couldn't do anything every part of myself just stopped working and I know its because I am so deeply in love with him I can't even find the words to describe how much I love him and through he has said it numerous times before it just hit me so hard tonight he told me he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to feel the emotion love for someone else ever again because of his ex I think tonight was just the absolute breaking point I think I'm going to stop sleeping in the same bed as him I can't fully move out because of funds but I can sleep in my truck that's doesn't run and just sits there but as of right now as I'm typing this I can't connect with any emotions I'm not sad or happy or depressed I'm just numb I could really use some life advice right now because I just don't know what to do anymore I even had some thoughts of self-harm/suicide and I just really don't know what to do anymore