Feeling Defeated with Chronic Illness

I feel completely and utterly defeated..I don't know how to help myself anymore... I'm in pain every single day from the time I wake up to when I go to bed..none of my doctors are being helpful my neurologist is making things worse for me.. I'm getting sicker and loosing more and more weight.. I cry everyday multiple times a day and I hang on for my husband who I love more than life itself but I'm exhausted I'm so scared of my own body and I dread waking up in the morning not knowing how I'll feel.. every day is a bad day for me.. My family takes their stress and frustration out on me verbally because I never seem to do anything which is true at this point I'm always lacking.. Since I've gotten sick All my friends pulled away from me, I can't drive anymore I can't hold a job because of my illness so me and my husband are so poor we can barely afford a pot to piss in.. I miss my life before Chronic illness so much I felt less like a waste... I have nothing to offer anymore.. I'm nothing..